Looking Ahead – 16th May 2006
Bah. I fell asleep around 3:30am and missed the last half hour of Raw, so bare with me. It’s Coffee time, folks!
Check these out:
Apparently I make Gloomchen want to drink all the time. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, or a bad thing. It’s her birthday on Thursday, so that’s probably why. Turning 40 can’t be good.
Tim Stevens has some DC News & Views.
Gloomie’s review of High Blue Star
The latest Nyogtha
Alien review by Rob Sutton
The Weekly Sports Pulse
The Weekly Music Pulse
Next PPV – Judgment Day; 21/05/06
The Announced Card
JBL vs. Rey Mysterio – World Heavyweight Championship Match
Why is Mysterio being booked so badly? I’ll hazard a guess. Let’s say JBL beats Mysterio at Judgment Day. With ECW on the horizon, it leaves Mysterio able to switch brands if he so desires. Another thing to think about is the impending return of Chavo Guerrero.
According to various reports on the net, he’s coming back with a “controversial” gimmick. Now I’ve absolutely no idea what that might be, but one thing for certain is that if Mysterio looses the Big Shiny Belt, it gives Chavo some ammunition if he returns as a heel and kicks off a feud with Rey, going along the lines of “Your a failure, and Eddie wouldn’t be proud of you” or something along those lines. Bringing Chavo back then turning him heel would give him incredible amounts of heat, and a lengthy feud between the two men would result in some top quality matches. So bring on the controversy!
KOTR Tournament Final – Booker T vs. Lashley
King Booker, or King Lashley?
King Booker has much more mileage out of it than if Lashley won the tournament. If Booker cheats to win against Lashley as well, that would further the “easy route” to the throne gimmick that Booker could work off. It would also set up a nice feud between Booker and Lashley, with Lashely wanting revenge for getting screwed.
MNM vs. London & Kendrick – WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Caressing my balls, CRYSTAL balls, you dirty minded perv, I predict that The Hooliganz will walk out the tag champs. There are much more options available with a face tag team at the moment that there are with a heel one holding the titles. Gymini are still getting a slow push, so I’m going to assume that they’ll be cannon fodder for London & Kendrick once the MNM feud is over with.
The Undertaker vs. The Great Khali
Man, the Great Khali is f*cking awesome isn’t he!?!
Nope. I lied.
Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry
Once the ECW angle has ended, SmackDown may possibly be one short announcer short. I’d move Angle into that role. Give him a feud with Mark Henry, then have him announce his retirement from active participation in the ring and become the colour commentator alongside Michael cole. You know that’s a good idea. It gives Angle some much needed time off to rest his broken body, yet it still gives us our weekly dose of Kurt.
Notice I haven’t talked about this match? Yup. Me too. That’s how bad I think it might be.
Gregory Helms vs. Super Crazy – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match
What a match this is going to be. Please, if there is a God, let these men go at it for a good 20 minutes. The cruiser title needs the attention after being out of sight for a few months.
Chris Benoit vs. Finlay
Same applies here too. Hey, this is shaping up to be a pretty great card. I hope it’s shown for free over here in the U.K. Then it would be perfect.
Melina vs. Jillian
I’m VERY interested in this match for two reasons. a) to see how good they both are at wrestling, and b) because they’re both hot.
Eight matches are already announced for the PPV. I don’t think there’s room for anymore, which is a shame. I want my Burchill fix.
Next PPV – ECW One Night Stand; 11/6/06
The Announced Card
No Matches Announced Officially
RVD vs. JBL
In my opinion, it’s looking more and more likely that it will be JBL who squares of against RVD at One Night Stand. As Eric S keeps banging on about, JBL can currently draw heat like nobody else on the mike. Plus JBL’s got the history from last year to play off of if he so desires. Congrats Eric, you’ve converted me to the church of “JBL to face RVD at ONS”.
Edge & Foley vs. Funk & Dreamer
What a nice setup we have here. As noted in en email from Johnny M, this would be a great and now logical match to see. I think we all know that Foley will turn on Edge during the match though, saying how it was a setup all along and such. But still, you’ve got to love it while it lasts. Heel Foley is gold.
I loved the lines “Foley, your wife is a whore”, “Your children are bastards” and “WWE sucks”. They’re the exact same lines (replace WWE with Bischoff) that Funk used back in the old ECW when Foley turned heel.
There’s way too many things undecided yet, so I’ll leave this for now and return to it at a later date. Probably next week.
Next PPV – Vengeance; 25/6/06
The Announced Card
No Matches Announced Yet
Taking a look at the Vengeance poster, and after discussing it with my fellow writers in the Super Secret Writers Forum, I think it’s safe to say that the long haired guy on the left (that the DX sign is conveniently covering up) is Edge. So it looks like we have another Edge vs. Cena rivalry on the cards, which is all good. Edge still won’t win the title though. It’s Cena’s until at least SummerSlam.
The McMahons’ vs. DX
I still think this is all a big ploy orchestrated by Vince, HHH and Shane to f*ck with HBK once and for all… for a while anyway. Would Vince sacrifice his only son Shane in order to trick Shawn into a false sense of security? I think he would, if it was for the greater good. It depends if Shane knew about it though, as if this plays out like I’m guessing here, then it’s a seed for a Shane face turn down the line.
Now that the IC title has gone back to Shelton and it’s now out of purgatory hell, we might see it defended on the PPV! I know, shocking isn’t it! Who’d have thunk it.
Anyway, enough of my sarcasm, let’s talk about who the challenger will be. I’d say Carlito, Masters and Hass in a fatal four way match. That frees up enough space on the card for a tag title match (Spirit Squad vs. Odd Squad), a possible Kane-Big Show encounter, whatever they do for the women’s match and a Striker vs. Eugene blow off match.
Rumor has is that the crap-fest known as Umaga will be receiving a huge main event push in the coming months, so it’s a pretty safe bet that he’ll have a match on the card as well. Personally I’d stick him against Flair in Charlotte country, but this time have Flair win, setting up a short feud with the Ugandan Giant. Er, I mean, the “Samoa Bulldozer”. What a wank name.
5 things to eat between now and next week’s column:
1. A bag of those Flying Saucers with sherbet in the middle
2. A Bacon, Egg, Sausage and Tomato sandwich
3. A Banana
5. Leftover Pizza from the night before. Cold. With Tomato Sauce. Mmmmm.
And that’s it. Thanks for reading, I’m off to go get hypnotized by Derren Brown. Laters.