If The Donald had his way, he’d select the winner of “The Apprentice” like he picks all of his wives like he was conducting one of his beauty pageants.
Therefore, I’m here to do that for all of us. Playing the role of Burt Parks, I will attempt to predict who will win the 6th season of “The Apprentice” on looks alone. This is, of course, barring all drugs, alcohol and nudie pictures popping up on the internet. We’re not looking to have the next winner dethroned. Those make for great publicity oh, and fights with Rosie O’Donnell do, too.
Let’s begin
Aaron
Cute, young, and plays the guitar and baseball? If he drinks whole milk, he’ll win.
Though the cleft chin can set him back or throw him into the Tom Brady look a-like pool. As far as the guys go, he’s the best looking one. But he won’t win. We all know The Donald doesn’t swing that way his hair does.
Odds: 1/5
Aimee
Aimee’s one of a few candidates with this killer jawbone. And she thinks she’s cool cause she graduated in 3.5 years and had to drop in there that she changed majors. Uh, you were speech communications? That was known as a Mickey Mouse major at my school oh, and I’m Walt Disney. And I double majored. See? We all can gloat. It’s not pretty. And neither is she and she won’t win. And she DEFINITELY won’t win Miss Congeniality. She pats herself on the back too much. Has to mention she volunteers? Gimme a break.
Odds: 1/45
Angela probably has the best chance to win the bathing suit competition since she’s an Olympic athlete. However, I’m a little scared that her sport is women’s hockey. She could look too masculine and scare the judges (aka me). Don’t think she’ll go far. I don’t think she’ll win the bathing suit competition come to think of it.
Odds: 1/90
Carey seems like a nice guy with a sense of humor. He’s in marketing and had worked with Stoli vodka. I love Stoli. He also worked with the Cartoon Network. I also love cartoons. So he’s looking like he’ll do the well in the Miss Congeniality category. However, since he’s a Democrat I can’t see Trump hiring him.
Odds: 1/100
Derek would have potential to go far especially in the Miss Congeniality category. He’s openly gay and worked for “The Man Show” with Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Corrola, so he clearly has a sense of humor. But a huge population of the gay guys are very particular about their looks and appearance. And though he bike rides, he seems to have forgotten the way to get to the gym. Won’t win the bathing suit competition.
Odds: 1/50
Frank why the long face? He appears boring. Vacant. Community college? He won’t win any of the competitions and may even be the first to go. No bathing suit. No Miss Congeniality. No Q&A. And no Apprentice.
Odds: 1/ 150
Heidi was a model. She’ll go very far possibly win it all. Beauty. Brains. New Apprentice?
Odds: 1/4
Even though there is this huge insurgence for the Asian actors on tv and popping up in People Magazine’s 50 most beautiful people, James won’t make it here. He’s got a wife and kids that he needs to support with his multi-million dollar company not with a pageant sash and tiara.
Odds: 1/70
Jenn is really cute and won’t win. She seems like a partier with her “Publicist” ways Backpacking through Europe. Local tv reporter. Founder of lifestyle magazine? Trump doesn’t need any more potential Miss Ex-Apprentice Beauty Pageant winners setting up to be dethroned.
Odds: 1/25
Sure she used to model. And beat some type of cancer. She’s got a good story and though she’s an attorney doesn’t seem like she’d be a pain in the ass. Yeah, famous last words, huh? The strong jawbones and high cheekbones may take her far. But Maria Shriver’s jawbones scare me, therefore, Kristine won’t win.
Odds: 1/ 35
Marisa’s clearly been trained at Apprentice Beauty Pageant School of DeeDee. “A good way to meet Eli Manning. Make him fall in love with me and live happily ever after”? She clearly would win the Q&A segment of the pageant. And apparently she was quoted as saying she wants to be “Miss Apprentice working for world peace”. Well said, Marisa.
But she’s way too plain to win the whole thing.
Odds: 1/40
Martin has everything going against him. He’s an attorney. He said he’s shallow. He has a wife and 2 kids and likes antiques?!? Say what? But he was born in Amityville, NY. Wasn’t that about a scary haunted house? Nice try, Martin, but with creds like that, you won’t even make it into the top 5.
Odds: 1/ 140
Michelle has a look that reminds me of Jaime Pressly, who use to be a model. She’ll go very far in the competition. She’s beautiful, driven, has written a book and founded an organization to empower children. She actually might win!
Odds: 1/3
I think Muna is cute. But the Jamaican in her makes me think she might be too laid back if ya know what I mean. Smoke 2 joints .She might have a shot at Miss Congeniality, but win the whole thing? No.
Odds: 1/ 65
Nicole has great eyes, but that’s about it. She’s another one who brags. Working 2-3 jobs throughout her college years? Who didn’t? Wah Wah Wah. Me me me. Drive drive drive. She’ll break her arm patting herself on the back so much. And you can’t carry the bouquet of flowers with a broken arm.
Odds: 1/ 60
Stefani’s the most sultry of the group. But she reminds me too much of Melania’s brunette look. Trump won’t like that type of competition. And if she was selected “Young Rising Star” by Los Angeles Magazine, she’s obviously not touting herself (though she’s another one of those volunteers) they’ve recognized it and chosen her. And if 32 is considered young and rising I’m digging Los Angeles Magazine and ditching my Seventeen Magazine. She likes motorcycle riding, which makes her bad ass. Look out for Stefani!
Odds: 1/ 2
Looks alone, Surya won’t win. But since he does resemble Apu from the Simpsons, he could have a shot at something here. Apu owned a very successful Kwik E Mart, so he could subliminally coerce the judges with his brilliant Indian mind tricks. Thank you, come again!
Odds: 1/130
Tim. You’re cute. And you play the piano. Dolphin QB Joey Harrington is cute and plays the piano and look where it got him. Benched during halftime while Saban put in Cleo Lemon to lose the game. Now we don’t have Saban, and probably won’t have Joey. You won’t win.
Odds: 1/ 80
Therefore my prediction for the Season 6 winner of “The Apprentice” is Ivanka Trump.
“Here she comes Miss Apprennnn-tice “
