The ECW Short Form, 01.30.07

Columns, Reviews, Shows, TV Shows

In Memoriam: Sidney Sheldon. The books were complete tripe, but, dude, I Dream Of Jeannie, you know?

This was a “why bother?” situation this week concerning this column. After all, KC did the live coverage in place of Blatt, who should have his little pontifications regarding this week’s disaster up soon. Kace is normally going to be doing podcasts here, with his first one coming sometime this week. Rumor has it that he’ll have a very special guest on there, so you’ll want to stay tuned here for that.

In the meantime, it’s a full hour of irrelevance ahoy…

Match Results:

Matt Striker over CM Fuckin’ Punk (Pinfall, rope-assisted roll-up): Memo to Arn Anderson and Dave Finlay: You know how much I love you two guys. I mean, it’s definitely man-crush territory with a soupcon of respect for what you’ve done in the ring all of these years. I hate to say anything against you two. But you’ve got to stop the shit with Punk. The guy is great in the ring, talented but still with potential to grow, and charismatic as hell. What is your problem with him? I think it’s the fact that he brags about not drinking. Both of you guys were famous for hitting the bottle pretty hard, especially you, Arn. Are you having regrets of what could have been if you didn’t drink half your lives away? If you are, that’s no reason to take it out on Punk. Just watch him and think of how you two were when you were his age, because he resembles you two a lot. Then, be gracious and help him to become even better. We could be watching someone very, very special here, and you don’t need to wreck that.

Just Chicago proving its superiority over Noo Yawk yet again

Bob Holly over Rob Van Dam (Pinfall, Alabama Slam): Anyone who is confused over the result of this match obviously has not heard the news that one of the active plans for WM for ECW is Lashley/Holly. Does that clear things up for you? This is also the first time in the history of the New ECW that I’ve been disappointed with a good match. Yes, this was technically sound, and Van Dam kept the flippy shit to a minimum, which means I should have liked it. But after their match a couple of months ago, I was expecting internal organs on the mat, ripped from various and sundry body cavities. Amazing how your expectations go up with a mere twenty-three stitches.

Just a reminder: six months ago, the man on the other end of Bob Holly’s finisher was WWE and ECW champion

Bobby Lashley over Test, ECW Title Rematch (Pinfall, running powerslam): You know, if you couldn’t get us to care on Sunday, on a major PPV, there’s no way in f*ck you could get us to care on ECW. No, not even with UT showing up afterward. Yippie.

If you thought it was painful to watch this match twice in three nights, imagine what it was like for Lashley

Angle Developments:

Does not compute…does not compute…

Balls, meet Grapefruits

Sales Push: The less intelligent among you may have wondered why Vince was degrading the original ECW on the very day that WWE released the new ECW DVD. Notice what Vince was doing. By saying that the original ECW sucked, Vince was immediately planting the seed in his audience that ECW didn’t suck. Remember, the wrestling audience has been conditioned to express exactly the opposite opinion that Vince expounds. In other words, if Vince says it sucks, then the audience will immediately think “It doesn’t suck”, and will therefore buy the DVD. Of course, with the presence of original ECW matches, the DVD will end up selling anyway, so it wasn’t needed. But it was a nice thought.

Do you think Burke’s wondering why it was Terkay who got fired and not him?

Gonna keep this short in order to get some sleep due to a quick turnaround tonight. Enjoy yourselves, and I’ll see you when I see you.