I got nothin’, really. I am shocked, though, that Neil Aspinall quit Apple. His presence there somehow meant that the Beatles were alive in a certain way. It’s really the end of an era. However, the guy did devote his life to the Beatles for over forty-five years, from his late teens to his mid-sixties. He sort of deserves a bit of a life away from there…
…oh, I have no clue what I’m saying, do I? I should just get on with this show…
Kevin Fertig over Tommy Dreamer (Pinfall, Dark Kiss): James Lawson says that Ariel is starting to channel Luna Vachon. Well, if that’s the case, I can’t think of a better valet to channel in this instance (Sherri Martel is always a better choice under any conditions, but Ariel needs that truly creepy, threatening vibe that Luna always had). She’s doing a good job at it too. So I’m not complaining.
I can’t really complain about this match either. Just your typical power match that actually provided a valid excuse for a little restraint given that they’re still selling last week’s perfectly-executed train wreck. Inoffensive and didn’t last long, which were two things that Vince’s ten-minute promo weren’t.
How many jokes can I make about Beulah not giving him any?
CM Fuckin’ Punk over Stevie Richards, Last Week Was So Good That There Had To Be A Rematch Match (Pinfall, rollup): In case you’re wondering about Punk’s trunks, the four six-sided stars are on the flag of Chicago:
They represent, if memory serves, me, Kennedy, Fernandez, and Eagle…they don’t? Okay, they really stand for Fort Dearborn, the Chicago Fire, the World’s Columbian Exposition, and the Century Of Progress. Surprisingly, we haven’t added anything since that event, which happened the year my mother was born. You’d have thought that with our mayor, the fifth star for the White Sox winning the World Series would have been added by now. Nice little Haley-esque touch for those of us who know, though. Even though the stars should stand for me, Kennedy, Fernandez, and Eagle.
As for the match, Stevie wasn’t as inspired as he seemed to have been last week, but familiarity does breed contempt, especially if you’re jobbing again. You really couldn’t expect him to bring the same level of inspiration two weeks in a row. However, he was servicable again. Punk was his usual self. Of course, the shenanigans of the apres helped the entertainment factor a great deal. Seeing Sandman grovel never gets old.
Monty Brown over Rob Van Dam (Pinfall, POOOOOOOUNCE): Motown, Blatt? I think not. Bad Nineties Dance Music with a hint of Boy Band, that’s more like it. And that’s totally inappropriate for Monty. Speaking of shout-outs, since I’ve done so damn many of them in this column already, Murray’s going to gently chide me on the issue of wrestlers’ names in his next column. Ignore him. It’s just another way for him to try to prove he’s not my bitch. I let him do it; it makes him feel better about himself, and that’s Looking On The Bright Side.
Why is it that I can’t seem to talk about the matches first this week? No clue, actually. But, anyway, this is where Monty’s experience with all those X Division guys came in handy. Van Dam is a role model for a lot of those younger X Division guys, so he was on familiar turf, and he and Van Dam surprisingly meshed well. You would have thought this was a mismatch coming in, but both of these guys know how to give enough ground to find the happy medium. So, a pretty good main event, and unlike the main on Raw, not an Angle Advancement Match (hey, Murray’s going to talk about that too).
As for the apres, no, I’m not buying it, unlike Blatt. This whole situation smells of swerve. Punk’s too far over as a face right now for them to screw with that too much. If the swerve doesn’t happen next week, it should occur at Backlash (gee, a second ECW match?). This won’t last for long. That Punk/Burke feud is too can’t-miss for them not to do it.
Even someone as flexible as Van Dam needs to properly stretch
“Strangers in the night…exchanging glances…”
Well, at least Rob doesn’t have to worry about him bogarting his stash
Or taking the last beer from the fridge or the last smoke from the pack
He’ll take all three of them. He’s hardcore.
Honestly, Slayer will be back soon. We promise.
Okay, I’ll see you after the anesthesia wears off for Impact. Or maybe before that. God knows that I want to be drugged up as much as possible to watch that show.