This episode of Heat is brought to you by a guy trying to get his dog to smoke pot with him, but the dog is Above the Influence. Good dog!
The Heat is on, and we’re on with Todd Grisham and Jack Korpela, filling in for the Coach as they bring us a night of tag team matches. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch make their way to the ring, followed by Eugene and Hacksaw Jim Duggan.
Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch vs. Eugene and Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Eugene does the bull dance with Duggan’s 2×4 as the crowd chants “U.S.A.†Line of the night by Korpela: “Eugene just will not let go of the wood of Hacksaw Jim Duggan!†Todd responds to that one for me. Eugene finally parts with Hacksaw’s wood and we’re under way. Cade and Murdoch start us off. Eugene attempts to intimidate Cade by shaking his butt at him but gets taken down in a headlock. Eugene breaks out and hits a hip toss off the ropes, but Murdoch distracts him and Cade clothslines him down.
Cade gets a headlock and tags in Murdoch, who drops an elbow on Eugene. Murdoch gets a headlock and an armbar, but Eugene reverses and tags in Hacksaw. Hacksaw punches Murdoch down and clotheslines him over the top rope as we go to commercial.
May 19th: Mickie James on WWE Uncut. Yay!
We’re back with the Rednecks in control. Murdoch takes down Hacksaw with a running elbow and tags in Cade. Cade stomps a mudhole in the corner and sends him to the opposite corner. Hacksaw tries to fight back but gets beaten down and sent back to the corner from whence he came. Cade tries to follow up with a clothesline but misses and hits the turnbuckle, allowing Eugene to get tagged in. Eugene winds up and punches Cade down. He gets a flying shoulder block and adds a cheap punch to Murdoch for good measure.
Eugene goes to send Cade along the ropes but Murdoch gets the blind tag. Cade reverses and sets Eugene up for a big boot by Murdoch, sending Eugene outside. Murdoch slams him into the post and rolls him in for two. Cade tags in and slams Murdoch on top of Eugene in a leg drop. Eugene tries to get a tag but gets clotheslined for two. Another cover gets two. Eugene powers out of a chinlock but gets a spinebuster. Hacksaw breaks up the count at one. Murdoch tags in and the Rednecks double team Eugene in the corner.
More punches from Murdoch and he tags Cade back in. Eugene tries to get to Hacksaw but is dragged back to the corner for another quick tag by the Rednecks. Eugene is sent to the ropes by Murdoch for a back body drop but he blocks it with a kick. Murdoch makes a tag, but Cade pulls Eugene back before he can tag Hacksaw. Cade misses an elbow and tags out while Eugene tries to get back to his corner, but is dragged back again by Murdoch. Eugene kicks Murdoch away and FINALLY makes the hot tag to Hacksaw.
Hacksaw comes out swinging and punches Murdoch out. He sends Murdoch to the ropes and gets an elbow and a kneedrop for two before Cade breaks up the count. Eugene comes in and throws Cade out. Hacksaw goes for the Three Point Stance but misses and Murdoch gets a DDT for the pin and the win.
Winners: Cade and Mudoch
Nice double-team stuff by the Rednecks in between all the punching and kicking. Todd and Jack take us into another ad.
May 7th: Stone Cold as C.E.O. of the WWF on WWE Side Splitters
He’s Robbie! He’s Rory! The Highlanders are out to take on John Everett and Christian Jacobs. I’m not sure who’s who though since they both look exactly the same.
The Highlanders vs. Jobbers 1 and 2
Rory takes Jobber 1 down to start with a shoulderblock. He gets a few headbutts in before tagging in Robbie. Robbie sends him to the ropes and dropkicks him before tagging Rory in again. They double-team him down but he manages to tag in Jobber 2. Jobber 2 runs in blindly and gets hip tossed and polish (scottish?) hammered. Rory runs him into the corner and tags in Robbie. Robbie gets a few European uppercuts to send Jobber 2 into the corner. He sends him to the other corner and tries to spear him but Jobber 2 moves and Robbie spears the post instead. Maybe if he hadn’t screamed out “I’M ROBBIE!!!†before he started moving Jobber 2 wouldn’t have heard him coming.
Jobber 2 tags out and The Jobbers take advantage of Robbie’s injured anterior deltoid, so says Korpela. Todd doesn’t know what that means. Dumb ass. Jobber 2 tags back in and hits a body slam on the injured shoulder for one. Jobber 2 puts Robbie in an armbar as Rory tries to get the crowd into it. Robbie reverses the armbar into a reverse DDT and tags in Rory. Clotheslines and Scottish hammers all around from Rory as I’ve completely lost track of who is Jobber 1 and who is Jobber 2. Todd and Jack don’t know either. Rory sends one out with a clubbing forearm, and Robbie comes in to join him for a Scot Drop on the other for the win.
Winners: The Highlanders
An ad for the Four Horsemen DVD takes us into the Slam of the Week. Someone has mysteriously taken out Shawn Michaels, Edge and Randy Orton. That takes us back to Raw, as John Cena goes out to confront their attacker. Cena does not back down from a fight and implores whoever it is to come get some. Khali answers and Cena goes out to beat on him but gets taken out in short order. You know, that was pretty presumptuous of him. Suppose Khali just wanted to chat? Anyway, Cena gets thrown around a bit, blocks a judo chop attempt and goes for an FU, but Khali powers out and chokeslams him.
Up next, our main event as Cryme Tyme takes on Viscera and Chris Masters, but first, another ad; an Umaga highlight package.
Chris Masters comes out, followed by the world’s largest love machine in the world’s largest pajamas. Cryme Tyme gets the biggest pop of the show as Korpela declares that this place is “poppin.’â€Â
Chris Masters and Viscera vs. Cryme Tyme
More suggestive lines from our illustrious commentators, as Todd observes that there is “a lot of meat in that ring.†JTG starts out with Masters. They lock up but Masters throws JTG into the corner. Another lockup sends them to the other corner but JTG ducks under Masters to escape and dances. Masters body slams him but misses an elbow. Shad tags in and hits a slam before tagging back out. Shad flapjacks JTG on top of Masters for two in a cool looking move. JTG powers Masters into the corner and tags in Shad.
Shad sends JTG into Masters for a clothsline and gets one of his own. Masters rakes the eyes to get a moment to tag in Viscera. Shad tries to get Viscera off his feet but eats a side slam coming off the ropes. Viscera chops him down in the corner and tags in Masters. Masters chokes Shad in the ropes and tags in Viscera again. Masters holds Shad for Viscera to punch him, and Viscera hits a chinlock. Shad powers out but gets clotheslined, and Viscera tags in Masters, who drops a few knees into Shad’s back. He covers him for two.
Masters suplexes him for two. Viscera tags in and drops an elbow. Shad dodges the Visagra and JTG wants in. Masters and JTG tag in. JTG hits a shoulder block and a couple of dropkicks and a missile dropkick, but gets knocked down by Viscera. Viscera misses a charge on JTG and gets sent out by Cryme Tyme. JTG blocks a suplex attempt by Masters and rolls him up for the pin.
Winners: Cryme Tyme
That does it for Heat.
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See you next time!
