On tap for tonight’s show, we get more goodness from Randy Orton, John Cena, and Triple H. Also, the Highlight Reel makes its glorious return with Jeff Hardy as the guest. Maria’s Playboy Cover is revealed in delight of all the teenage fans and single men alike. The Big Show also takes on a Mixed Martial Arts fighter in preparation for the highly talked about encounter against Floyd Mayweather at Wrestlemania.
All of that and a whole lot more is only a click away.
The opening of RAW has the Three Stooges. Hunter, Randy, and John. They are joined by William Regal, who has an idea. The Triple Threat Takeover. Each week, a participant will be in charge of running the asylum. Randy Orton suggests a night off, but Hunter isn’t liking that. John says he will be EXTREMELY, *cough, cough* satisfied.
YAY, RAW actually has an opening video!
The following contest is a MMA X-Division Contest. Introducing the formerly 500 pound giant, Big Show.
Big Show v. Brandon “The Thrill” Hill
Mixed Martial Arts…WWE style!
Hell, make it three-on-one…Show’s gonna kill tonight. Both fighters get drawn to the center…sort of. Big Show takes his time. Hill stands face to chest with the Big Show and Show flinches. Show heels it up prior to the opening bell as I’m interested to see how WWE messes this up. The bell sounds and Hill is smart, he knows where the ropes are. Again, he charges, only to get to the ropes as the fans aren’t interested. Nice to see the referee gets a mouthpiece. Hill punches away, but Showis just too big. Big Boot to the head of Brandon Hill and Hill is in trouble. He grabs the throat and he gives him the Show Stopper. He stands on the chest and gets the pinfall.
Winner: Big Show
Grade: D-
Big Show talks trash to Mr. Mayweather, but all he can say is step up to the plate. Show says to save his 20 million and he will destroy Mayweather. Show takes and he tosses Brandon Hill like he was a pile of trash. At least this has me very interested for their fight, even though the warm-up match sucked.
Backstage, HBK and Flair laugh it up as they are heading to the ring.
Commercials.
Welcome back and it is time for some Show-Stoppin’, Kiss-stealin’, tag team match! Too bad their opponents are Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch. Last week, Michaels was on a wrong end of a redneck beatdown.
Ric Flair & Shawn Michaels v. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch
Tag Team Match
The bell rings as Flair and Murdoch square off. Murdoch gets a shoulder block, but Flair is the master of the game and he arm drags Murdoch and chops his chest red. Murdoch fires off a back drop, but misses the elbow. In comes Michaels, but Murdoch rakes the eyes and tags in Cade. Atomic Drop by Michaels and Murdoch gets a leg on Michaels back. In comes Murdoch and he gets a close call after a big boot. Cade tags back in and works on the nek, but that’s short lived. Michaels nails a neckbreaker, but Cade gets an enzugiri. In comes Murdoch, who jumps off the ropes into Michael’s awaitting boot. Flair chops his way into the match, but Cade, who got tagged in gets a light sleeper. Flair logs in the Figure Four! Murdoch tries to interfere, but Michaels gets him in a Reverse Figure Four. They tap…call it.
Winners: Ric Flair & Shawn Michaels
Grade: B-
Michaels has the stick. He has something on his chest and he can’t do the match at Wrestlemania. He doesn’t want to go down in history as the man that ended Flair’s career. He says that he is the Showstopper and he decrees that if Flair pushes for the match…his show will be stopped. Michaels leaves the ring as Flair can’t comprehend what happened.
Meanwhile, William Regal is talking on the phone while John Cena has the best idea EVER! Triple H v. Randy Orton is on the agenda for tonight! John Cena will take on the loud mouth Mr. Kennedy. He kicks Regal out of “his” office.
Next week: Wrestlemania REWIND Night! Three hours of RAW and I will be here covering each moment that happens!
Commercials.
Later tonight: The Highlight Reel RETURNS! Also, JBL confronts the Irishman!
Meanwhile, Umaga makes his way to the ring and William Regal joins our commentary team. In the ring already, the man that still has a job…Super Crazy!
Super Crazy v. Umaga
Standard Match
The bell sounds and Super Crazy is already down. Umaga tosses Crazy around like a child. He rams Crazy into the turnbuckle. Samoan Spike…yeah.
Winner: Umaga
Grade: F (Squash)
Tonight: Cena v. Kennedy – the rematch from five months ago! Also Triple H takes on Randy Orton in a rematch from five months ago!
Commercials.
The Highlight Reel
Featuring Chris Jericho and Jeff Hardy
The Jerich-tron 5000 has a stand! Jericho is happy to bring back an original. At least he remembers to say that Jeff Hardy is still your Intercontinental Champion, but Jeff Hardy forgets his title tonight. The crowd in Indy loves Hardy. I’m wrong…it’s the Jerich-Tron 6000, now in HD! That’s why its on a stand and not suspended in the air. Last week, Jericho beat Hardy to qualify for the Money in the Bank Ladder Match. Jericho lays it down, saying that Hardy can do anything short of murder so it seems…but Jericho will be the victor at Wrestlemania. Hardy says that things change and that he is going to be a champion. But Jericho has been at the top before. He says that Hardy is no longer a friend, but a target. Anything goes from now until Wrestlemania. Hardy agrees with him and nails a Twist of Fate!
Backstage, Mr. Kennedy walks the line.
But first, Maria and Carlito has a date of sorts. Everything is stupid to him, but the seagull has his way with Carlito, biting his nose, nipple, among other parts of his body. Carlito beats the seagull to death with his left hands. Afterwards, he gets crapped on. Best Commerical EVER!
Commercials.
Last week, Cena is a victim of the Mic Check. This week, Kennedy will be a victim, if Cena has his way.
Mr. Kennedy v. John Cena
1st hour Main Event
The bell rings and they circle the ring. Kennedy gains control with a low kick to the shins. Cena sends Kennedy to the ropes, but he gets stopped by the shoulderblock. Cena gets an arm wringer and we have to take a break, even though we just had a commercial break two minutes ago!
Commercials.
Tomorrow Night on ECW: Guerrero/Punk V!
We are back as Cena gets a near fall on Kennedy. Cena sends Kennedy to the ropes, but Kennedy runs away. Cena gives chase, but Kennedy is hung up on the top rope! DDT on the ring apron and Cena is out cold! Kennedy breaks up the count and he rams Cena against the ring apron. Back inside the ring and he covers for TWO! Kennedy looks for a neckbreaker and he gets it, but Cena is still alive! Kennedy stomps the neck and Cena is cornered up. Kennedy goes for the knockout kick and he connects! He covers and gets another two count!
Kennedy drives the elbow to Cena’s neck before locking on a neck vice. Cena tries to fight back and be breaks the hold, but Kennedy takes him down anyway. Short arm clothesline connects for two! He measures another KO Kick, but Cena powers up and he takes Kennedy down! Clothesline after clothesline! The Throwback connects and he goes up top! Top rope Leg Drop connects(!) and Cena latches on the STFU for the submission victory!
Winner: John Cena
Grade: B (Hard-pressed to go higher due to the unnecessary commercial break a minute into the match.)
Backstage, Maria and Candice Michelle head towards the ring for the unveiling of Maria’s Playboy cover!
Commercials.
Wrestlemania is only 27 days away!
We are back with Jerry Lawley, who is in the ring! Bunnymania has changed to a Lumberjack tag team match, with none other than Snoop Dogg handling the emcee duties!
Maria says it’s an honor and she still can’t believe it. Jerry Lawler gets too excited, but the cover is plastered with Santino’s face. Somehow, I had that feeling. She left Santino with no choice. But now, everyone that reads the magazine will have E.D. Santino orders Maria out of the ring. He is the man of the relationship. Lest he forget that she is the woman of the relationship. Jerry Lawler throws Santino out fo the ring and tosses the fake cover with him. Candice Michelle had a backup plan, so we get get the other cover.
Still to come…a lot of things.
Commercials.
Last week, Carl Edwards wins a race and gives a title belt to his crew chief. I didn’t watch, but cool.
Carlito gets his chance at getting involved for Wrestlemania!
Carlito v. Cody Rhodes
Money in the Bank Qualifier
Cody gets a quick rollup for two. Carlito is in trouble in the early going. He tosses Rhodes out, but he is smart. Carlito takes him down for two and he goes to work on Rhodes. He takes and he goes corner to corner. Side note, the winner can only challenge for the World or WWE Championship. according to Jim Ross. Back to the match, Carlito gets a headlock on Rhodes. Rhodes fights out of it, but Carlito looks to get the Back stabber, but Cody held onto the ropes. Rhodes gets a cross body for two. Rhodes floats off a suplex attempt. Carlito gets a cover, but he is caught cheating and Rhodes rolls him up for two! Bulldog by Rhodes gets two, but Carlito gets the last laugh for being crapped on…he counters a victory roll into the Backstabber for three!
Winner: Carlito
Grade: C+
Up next: A live interview with Floyd Mayweather.
Commercials.
Jim Ross asks Floyd Mayweather why he is risking his career. He says that he is here to dominate. MMA, Boxing, WWE…you will see the best of Mayweather. he is dead set on breaking Big Show’s jaw. Mayweather’s promo is like a record. He says he will dominate.
The Adamle Minute. Mike Adamle is with us for our Hall of Fame moment. Our next inductee…Mae Young!
Up next: The confrontation!
Commercials.
WWE Rewind: Two weeks ago, JBL gets charged with Midget Abuse.
Finlay comes out with NEW Music and it doesn’t seem to be a serious entrance music. He doesn’t even need a microphone. Before Finlay can do anything, Vince comes out and he asks some questions. Finlay admits that he conspired with his family and that Vince isn’t good enough to be Hornswoggle’s father. He admits to be the son of Hornswoggle. Unfortunately for Finlay, JBL can’t show up tonight. Instead, JBL is on satellite. He is here at the hospital with Hornswoggle. Finlay threatens bodily harm with the shillelagh. Finlay wants a fight, and JBL accepts, but only if it happens at Wrestlemania. He slaps the sense out of Hornswoggle. The lights go out and Hornswoggle screams as all hell breaks loose. The feed cuts and Finlay looks on with horror.
Commercials.
We are back as Cena is on color! It is time for our Main Event!
Randy Orton v. Triple H
Non-title Main Event
The bell sounds and both men lock up and get nowhere in the opening exchange. They get a clean break in the corner and they stare at each other. They circle the ring again and lock up! Triple H becomes the aggressor and has a punch with Orton’s name on it. Triple H takes Orton down in a side headlock, but Orton gets out of it. Triple H tosses Orton over and nails a fury punch that knocks him down. Orton gets shoulderblocked and clotheslined for two! Back up, Triple H walks over and Orton tosses him on the outside. Outside, Orton nails some vicious right hands. Triple H rakes the eyes and beats Orton’s head on the steps. Back inside the ring, Orton nails the inverted backbreaker! Orton crawls to a cover for two! Orton nails the random kicks before dropping the knee on Triple H’s throat! He gets two. Orton dominates over Triple H as he has him in the corner. Opposite corner they go and Triple H battles back. They exchange punches and Triple H hits the knee smash! The high knee connects and Orton takes a powder. On the outside, Triple H beats Orton to the punch and tosses him back inside the ring. SPINEBUSTER connects and Orton takes his title and walks. Cena is in the role of authority and he stops Orton. Triple H attacks from behind, knocking Cena down in the process. Orton goes for the belt shot, but Triple H goes for the Pedigree…but Cena goes in and hits Triple H with the FU! Randy Orton nails Cena with the RKO!
Winner: Triple H via DQ
Grade: B+
The RAW Report Card
Big Show d. Brandon Hill – D-
Ric Flair & Shawn Michaels d. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch – B-
Umaga d. Super Crazy – F
John Cena d. Mr. Kennedy – B
Carlito d. Cody Rhodes – C+
Triple H d. Randy Orton via DQ – B+
Extra Credit: Carlito/Maria Wrestlemania Commercial
The Final Grade for RAW 3/3/2008: C+
While you’re here, check these out!
Pulse Glazer talks about the Motor City Machine Guns not wanting to cut themselves.
Mr. Michaels steps into Daniel’s shoes and breaks down SmackDown because he is cool like that.
Danny Cox reviews The Greatest Superstars of Wrestlemania.
And finally, check out the newly revamped InsidePulse homepage.
Comment on tonight’s episode of RAW by scrolling down to the bottom of the screen and logging in. I await the witty banter you Pulse Readers come up with.
