The SmarK 24/7 Rant for World Championship Wrestling – April 5 1986
– Your hosts are Tony & David.
– A replay of the awesome Flair-Morton confrontation from last week starts us out.
– Tony announces that our main event is Arn Anderson v. Ron Garvin for the TV title, which brings out JJ and Tully to talk trash about Garvin.
– Wahoo McDaniel v. Ray Traylor. Ray attacks and pounds away on the ropes to start, but get chopped as a result. Wahoo chinlocks him and then chops him down again, and they slug it out awkwardly. Wahoo gets an even more awkward slam for two and it looks like they’re not cooperating with each other for some reason. Wahoo keeps slugging, but it’s all in-close stuff rather than the more exaggerated moves you usually get for TV matches. Weird. Wahoo goes to the arm and holds a top wristlock, but Ray makes the ropes. Next, Wahoo goes for the leg, taking Ray down with a single-leg and stomping on his head, then another chop puts him down again, with one more to finish at 3:46. Geez, someone was pissed off there.
– Let us take you back to a syndicated program, where Nikita Koloff tries to attack a jobber with his chain, but Magnum TA storms in and messes his shit UP. Magnum was pretty awesome, man.
– Nighthawk v. Tony Zane. Nighthawk overpowers the jobber to start and takes him down with an armbar, but Zane escapes with a snapmare. Nighthawk slams him, followed by a shoulderbreaker to finish at 1:27. Not terribly impressive for a guy that Crockett was so high on, but you never know who ends up being pretty good.
– Jimmy Garvin joins us with bad news for Wahoo: Wahoo’s got swamp fever, so there will be no match until he produces a doctor’s note. Symptoms include a big swollen nose and baldness. Well, he’s got a point.
– Manny Fernandez v. Bob Owens. Manny grabs a headlock to start and powers Owens down, then follows with a dropkick and goes to work on the leg. He pounds away and gets a flying backhand shot, then puts him down with a kneelift and follows with a backdrop. Flying Burrito ends it at 4:11.
– Wahoo refutes the slanderous claims of swamp fever.
– Ron Garvin is ready for the tournament.
– Ivan Koloff v. Gene Ligon. Ivan quickly wrestles Gene down and then pounds him in the corner, but misses a knee off the middle rope. They slug it out and Ligon takes him down and starts to work on the leg, but Ivan dumps him and pounds away on the apron. Ligon keeps fighting and posts Koloff’s leg, however. Back in, Ivan slugs him down while selling the knee, then dumps him again before hauling him back in and dropping the knee. To the middle for that kneedrop he missed earlier, and he chokes away and hits a legdrop for two. Ivan drops an elbow for two. Gene comes back, but misses a blind charge, and Ivan drops an elbow from the middle rope and adds a legdrop. Ligon keeps fighting back, so Nikita takes matters into his own hands and lays him out with the chain. Ivan knees Ligon down and gets the pin at 6:03.
– Dusty joins us for his rambling interview of the week.
– Hector Guerrero v. Carl Styles. Hector quickly takes Styles down and works on the arm, then adds a series of dropkicks to befuddle Styles, and back to the arm. The pop-up reminds us that Hector used to embarrass himself as Lazor-Tron in the 80s. Thanks for that reminder. Hector stays on the arm, but Styles elbows out of it and adds a slam. Hector dodges an elbow and slugs away on the ropes, then adds a Flying Burrito for two. He ties Styles up on the mat, but Styles bites the fingers to escape! The jobber fights back from there, but Hector takes him down by the leg again and hooks the Indian deathlock. Flying forearm finishes at 6:11.
– Pez Whatley, The Barbarian & Baron Von Raschke v. Rocky Kernodle, Brodie Chase & Bill Tabb. Oh god, it’s the Paul Jones Army six-man match. Kill me now. This was the spiritual debut of Pez as Shaska Whatley, as he now dresses in the goofy top hat and jacket for his ring entrance. Hey, why not rip off Iceman Parsons if you can’t sign him? The army trades off on Tabb to start and Barbie presses him into an elbowdrop, then adds a big boot. Over to Chase, and he gets beat up as well. Whatley chokes away on the ropes and bites him, and Barbarian pounds him down. To the floor, where Jones beats on him with the riding crop. You’d think the ref would step in there. Back in, Baron elbows Chase down and we take a break. Are you KIDDING me? Back with Barbarian pounding on Tabb and putting him down with a flying shoulderblock and adding a big boot. The Army trades off on Tabb in the corner and the Baron elbows him down for two. At this point, Paul Jones starts calling Pez Whatley “Shaska”, thus confirming the gimmick change. Over to Shaska, who headbutts Tabb to finish at 8:43. Duller than a Michael Cole shoot interview.
– Arn Anderson wants us all to shut up and respect him. Done.
– Jim Cornette is in a good mood, much to Tony’s chagrin. Apparently, if brains were gasoline, the Road Warriors couldn’t propel a flea’s motorcycle around a raindrop. Now that’s stupid!
– The Rock N Roll Express v. Larry Clarke & Art Pritts. Ricky gets the backslide on Clarke for two to start, and Robert with the kneelift on Pritts to follow. Back to Ricky for a dropkick, so Clarke gives it a go again. The RNR work him over in the corner and Robert works the leg. Over to Ricky for more of that, and they finish a year and a half later with the double dropkick at 5:00.
– The RNR join us to discuss the Crockett Cup. What self-respecting person would have worn those ultra-gay Rock N Roll Express t-shirts in the 80s? They’re wearing friggin’ HEADBANDS on it!
– Magnum TA v. Randy Mulkey. A real marathon this time out, as TA gets a pair of backdrops before finishing at 0:30.
– The Paul Jones Army cuts a promo on Jimmy Valiant. The Army is complete now! Thank god for that, although there’s still one or two more later.
– World TV title: Arn Anderson v. Ron Garvin. Arn quickly bails to escape the lockup, and grabs a headlock back in the ring. Garvin powers out of that, so Arn uses the hair to take him down again. Garvin slugs away on him and starts on the arm, and they do a quick pinfall reversal sequence. Arn tries working the arm, but Garvin reverses out and goes to a chinlock while we take a break. Back with Garvin punching Arn down and adding the double-stomp, into a small package for two. He slugs Arn down again and follows with a suplex. Arn pounds him down, but Garvin gets a backdrop and threatens the Hands of Stone, which sends Arn to the floor in fear. Back in, they collide, but Garvin recovers first with the abdominal stretch, so Tully Blanchard runs in for the DQ at 11:41. It’s not often you see someone running in during that particular move. Pretty boring stuff, as it never got a chance to take off. **1/4 Tully and Arn use a cowboy boot to smash Garvin’s hand on the post…in the name of keeping him from using an illegal punch, of course.
– The Midnight Express v. Denny Brown & Mike Simani. Denny escapes from a Bobby wristlock in fancy fashion to start, but Bobby takes him down by the mullet. Over to Dennis, but Denny grabs a headlock, so Condrey hiptosses out of it. Brown comes back with his own, and Condrey backs off. Over to Simani, and once again there’s the fatal flaw, as the Express tees off on him at will and humiliates him over by the announce table. Back in, Condrey puts him down and Bobby slugs away, into a neckbreaker. Flying kneedrop from Bobby and Dennis adds the Stroke to finish at 4:45.
– And we finish with the Russians, who still hate America. And Magnum TA. And being cut off by the end of the show.