A quick review of TNA’s sixth anniversary show from IP’s second favorite irregular TNA recapper! (After Ivan Rushfield)
I can’t work up the enthusiasm to write about TNA’s free show, but I’m happy to give you all a quick recap of their $30 PPV! Yeah, I don’t know why either.
Opening Match, X-Division Championship- (C) Petey Williams (w/ Scott Steiner and Rhaka Khan) over Kaz, Canadian Destroyer–
Okay, that was one hell of an opener. Best I’ve seen in mainstream wrestling in quite a while, in fact. I qualify that because if I said it was the best opener I’d seen in a while period, I’m sure the ROHbots would reference 20 matches I’ve never heard of, between guys I don’t care about, in northeastern cities I’d never want to go to. So I wanted to clarifiy that I’m just talking about the mainstream stuff.
Lame cheap shot at indie fans aside, let’s talk about the actual match that was so good. The chain wrestling was crisp, there were a lot of near falls (a guaranteed way to get me in to a match, at least), and anytime we can see the Canadian Destroyer is a good one, I think. I can even live with the interference, as they had to find a way to keep Kaz strong for his title shot and all. It would be nice if WWE would do the same thing for Punk. Nice to see the X-Division used for more than comedy and impressions of bigger stars, even if Petey is Steiner’s mini-me. Hopefully they’ll keep this feud going.
Post Match Segment- Kaz beatdown, big masked wrestler return
Hey, Abyss is back! Apparently they gave him a different mask in the asylum. I actually a huge fan of the guy (as my copy of the Doomsday: the Best of Abyss DVD attests to), but it’s kind of underwhelming to see that the changes to his character are barely ever cosmetic. They had a chance to move him beyond being a dime store Kane/Mankind amalgam here; at least, that’s what I was hoping they would do, although his Mick Foley impressions in the videos I barely paid attention to on Impact probably should have clued me in on where they were going there, but I’m still kind of disappointing. That said, if he and Joe have the brawl they’re capable of, I’ll get over it.
I’m also wondering why we’re supposed to cheer when Abyss attacks the cowering, defenseless woman, even if she is 6’2 in heels. It was especially unnerving to hear West cheer in his overly caffeinated, former home shopping network host manner not only cheer when Kaz and Abyss attacked her, but excitedly call for it. But I cut my teeth as a wrestling fan during the days of the Dudleys getting over by putting women through tables, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by misogyny in wrestling. Well, that, and it’s not like I haven’t popped for that kind of thing before.
Match # 2, Six Woman Tag- ODB, Roxxi, and Gail Kim over the Beautiful People and Moose, ODB Running Powerslam on Moose
Moving away from my hypocrisy in regard to gender politics and on to the Knockouts Match. It sure was fun watching the Beautiful People get beat up!
Crap, I have issues.
Ahem. The Knockouts have been garnering TNA a lot of positive attention, a fact which they played up in a pre match video. The match wound up being a fun, spirited affair; a perfectly good tag formula match that didn’t feel out of place or like filler. I was a little disappointed that Gail Kim, who I’m a big fan of and is usually excellent out there, seemed to forget about the pounding she’d taken on her leg after she made the hot tag. It was a little thing, but it kind of bugged me.
ODB pinning the BP’s muscle, less so, because part of her role is to take the beatings while the two blondes scurry off. I did find it funny that Tenay mentioned how annoyed she was when they called her Mickie Knuckles when she had the name Mickie and a pair of brass knuckles on her shorts. In TNA, you have to take your laughs where you can get them. Well, outside of convoluted gimmick matches.
In order to continue this running theme of me undermining my commentary with commentary on female performers, I have to say that Velvet Sky looks really hot with her new hairdo. Helms is a lucky man. Also, I think Roxxi looks a lot better with a shaved head than she did when she was basically the Boogiewoman.
Match #3, TNA World Tag Team Championship Match (C) LAX (w/Salinas and Hector Guerrero) over Team 3D, Homicide rolls up Brother Ray
Putting 3D in a straight wrestling match is a recipe for mediocre stew (a popular dish in WWE and TNA!), and that’s what we got here, despite Shelley Martinez’s attempt to liven things up by headbutting D-Von in the groin. If she’d worn the sombrero whilst doing it, it would have elevated things further, but I do appreciate her wiping her mouth afterwards and won’t even make a sexual innuendo in response to it.
Groin based shenanigans aside, this slowed the show down considerably after the energetic pair of matches that preceded it. It had the elements of a good formula tag match, but the heat segment dragged on, and the crowd was tepid by the time Homicide finally did tag in, which didn’t help. 3D losing because they insisted on hitting the 3D was a nice touch, and LAX got their usual cool spots in (the combo Hernandez/’Cide topes is always awesome) but this really should have been a big, crazy brawl. Maybe next month.
Matches 4.1 and 4.2, Kong’s $25,000/Indie Wrestler Squashfest Challenge- (C) Awesome Kong over Serena Deeb (Implant Buster), Josie Robinson (Awesomebomb); added Awesomebomb for Elvis just for laughs
I was hoping we’d get a cool debut here. Sara Del Ray or Lita, maybe. Hell, they could go all meta on us and have Cheerleader Melissa take the challenge. What we got was the usual squash for Deeb, who made the poor choice of wearing a thong to a fight and not being pre-Edge affair Lita, and Josie getting in a little offense to fire up the hometown crowd before getting obliterated too. The addition of an extra Awesomebomb for Eric Young’s sad choice in Elvis impersonators did amuse me, but this wound up being nothing but filler in the end.
All of this made me think; if they can’t find a decent person to debut in the challenge, maybe they ought to turn her face and have her feud with the Beautiful People, who could overcome her overwhelming strength with their being total bitches. And, and having their own large monster heel as a bodyguard. I mean, hell, she’s already following Samoa Joe’s career trajectory; might as well turn her face. Or not. I think I’m more disappointed by the fact that they brought in Daffney just to get squashed on Impact more than anything else. I mean, c’mon, it’s Daffney! She was moderately entertaining when WCW was otherwise completely entertaining! Think of what she could do in the now moderately entertaining TNA!
Dumb Wrestling Wedding #3,554- Jay Lethal and So Cal Val over Holy Matrimony, Sanjay-ference leads to DQ, Wedding License can’t change hands
Yeah, so, that was definitely a thing that happened. The Groomsmen were a cute touch and everything (complete with payoffs for Lethal’s constant references to Kamala and “Snake” Roberts), but it also highlights how much they’re stealing from WWE’s history. Of course, when you’re doing a parody of Randy Savage’s ’80s run with a small black guy, I guess the ship’s already sailed and you might as well bring in as many ’80s mainstays as you can. Any wedding with Jake involved, aside from the allusion to Summerslam ’91, is doomed to failure anyway.
It’s pretty sad that not only was Ace Young the only person besides Lethal and Koko to bump for Sanjay, but he was also the only one to do anything athletic. On the basis of his ability to clear the top rope and be a minor celebrity, I expect WWE or TNA to offer him a contract soon.
Match #5, Grudge Match- AJ Styles over Kurt Angle, Styles Clash, (a) Karen Angle
It dragged a bit at times, and AJ went for the pin a few more times than you’d expect in a heated grudge match, but overall I thought it was excellent. This was a case where the angle actually helped the match instead of hindering it, as they had a reason to try and kill each other. I even thought the Karen-ference was well done, being a nice callback to her initial heel turn. It would have been nice to see AJ win completely clean, but it was a better ending than I expected, in that he won at all and Angle even jobbed to his finisher. The ending means the feud’s not over, but I can live with that when this match was so damn good. I’m not sure if this will hold up on multiple viewings, but the fact that I want to watch it again is pretty high praise, since I don’t do that often.
Match #6, King of the Mountain, TNA World Heavyweight Championship- (C) Samoa Joe over Rhyno, Christian Cage, Robert Roode, and Booker T. w/Nash as the Special Referee/7 foot tall Michael McDonald look alike
It has to be said; the videos to set this up were very well done. Each guy made a case for why they’d be champion at the end of their match, setting up their motivation nicely without going over the top (even if Booker did seem to affecting his King Booker persona, which is admittedly awesome by itself). I also liked the Goldberg-esque backstage shots of the entrants preparing to enter the arena. It’s little touches like that help TNA stand out from WWE, even when they’re doing basically the same kind of sports entertainment.
As for the match itself, it was a solid main event, which is doubly impressive considering how convoluted the match sounds on paper. You wouldn’t think a reverse ladder match/penalty box match mash up would work, but both this match and the X-Division one that they gave away on Thursday flowed very well. The fact that it took Joe until the end of the match to get the pin and become eligible to win added to the drama, although you can make an argument that it also made the end anti-climatic.
That said, there were some cool spots (Christian frog splash off the penalty box is the kind of thing you usually only see in video games), and at least Nash’s interference made sense and set up the Booker/Joe match we all knew was coming, which should be good. The impending Nash-Joe match I’m not sure of, but they’re at least building to it well and not falling back on their worst booking cliches so far.
Final Verdict- I liked this show a lot. There are two excellent matches well worth your time here, as well as a fun main event gimmick match/spotfest. Even the worst match on here, the tag title match, was solid, so I’d definitely reccomend ordering the replay or picking up the DVD. TNA does seem to be cutting back on the overbooking. If they can keep that up and continue putting on matches like Williams/Kaz and AJ/Angle, maybe they’ll start to look like a real alternative to WWE again, and not just it’s retarded hillbilly cousin who lives at an amusement park. We can certainly hope!
