Just before we start, I wanted to mention once again that my new book Dungeon of Death: Chris Benoit and the Hart Family Curse will be hitting bookshelves in November of this year, and in fact you can win a free copy of that book, or copies of my older books, every month just by hitting www.stablewars.com and predicting PPV results correctly. It’s free and fun and you can win my stuff, what more do you need?
The SmarK 24/7 Rant for World Championship Wrestling – May 24 1986
– Your hosts are Tony & David
– And yes, Dusty didn’t go without a belt for long, as an excited David announces that Dusty and the Road Warriors have won the Six-Man titles from the Russians. Ric Flair immediately puts it into perspective: Yeah, well, he’s the World SINGLES champion, the only title people care about. And of course he has to run down Morton’s teen fans, Magnum’s skinny arms, and Hawk’s respirator (for going 30 minutes). I think we just peaked with the first segment.
– “Mr Electricity” Steve Regal v. George South. Regal slams South and controls with a double chickenwing on the mat, then takes South down and works a headlock. South slams out for two, but Regal puts him down with an elbow and blocks a charge with a knee. Big elbow gets the pin at 3:47. Not exactly electrical, but he didn’t stick around anyway.
– Magnum TA is “beginning to suspect” that Ivan might have a master plan behind all the posturing by nephew Nikita. Well, Magnum certainly wasn’t the brains of the operation, was he?
– Speaking of which, Ivan and Nikita come out to bitch about losing the Six-Man belts and how Nikita can win the US title any time he wants, and David Crockett suddenly grows a giant set and interrupts him to call him fat and nothing but talk. Check out the big balls on David! To be fair he sounded very reasonable about it, but that should have earned him a beating, big time, so he’s lucky. If I was an angry Russian on steroids, I’d have put him in his place.
– Jimmy Garvin v. Lee Peak. Garvin stomps away in the corner and quickly squashes Peak with the brainbuster at 1:00. And he wants Wahoo in a strap match. That’sâ€¦not a great idea.
– Nikita Koloff v. Bob Owens. I don’t like Owens’ chances here. Bob takes his shot and pounds away in the corner, but gets run down with an elbow, as Nikita is really, REALLY pissed this week. Sickle and he stomps around the ring, then picks him up and does it again to finish at 1:07 while screaming at the Road Warriors. 10 points for effort, Bob, minus several million for common sense.
– Great American Bash UPDATE! Country music stars galore.
– Wahoo MacDaniel v. Butch Cooper. Wahoo works a headlock and chops Cooper down, and a few more of those follow, into a butterfly suplex to finish at 1:57.
– JJ and Tully feel that Ronnie Garvin is oppressing them.
– The Rock N Roll Express v. The Mulkeys. I’ll be glad when they switch to “Boogie Woogie Street” so they can quit overdubbing “Rock N Roll Is King”. Ricky starts with Bill and works a headlock while taunting the other Mulkey, and the RNR switch off in their corner before Ricky gets a suplex and allows Randy to come in. He gives him a little hope and then slams him in the corner and throws a kneelift. He follows with a crazy high dropkick and they continue torturing the poor Mulkey with headlocks, and Ricky decides to pin him with a backslide at 3:34 just for the hell of it.
– Shaska Whatley v. David Dellinger. Shaska pounds David down and spits on him for a while, then stops to maintain his hair and slugs Dellinger down again. Pick him up, slug him down, repeat and again. Superplex finishes.
– The Road Warriors and their new trophy are out to celebrate. Baby Doll interrupts because the victory party was so great and it’s apparently Kiss a Road Warrior Month. Then, in a GREAT segue, Animal notes that since it’s the month for kissing Road Warriors, Ric Flair can kiss something else of Hawk’s. And from there Hawk goes into a rant against Flair, declaring that the Horsemen only get all the great women because there’s no lamps in the buildings, and they’re only chasing women because “their boyfriend Brucie kicked you out of the commune”. And yet he can’t say ass on TV?
– Cornette is out for his weekly tirade against the James Boys, and it’s $50,000 bounty time.
– The Midnight Express v. Tony Zane & Mike Simani. Zane gets an elbowdrop and bearhug on Bobby, but turns his back on Dennis and gets laid out, thus ending that run. Cornette’s awesome stream of babble, ending with him wondering about the gestation time of the bull moose (with reference to Baby Doll, of course), leaves me wondering what he was on at the time. Over to Simani, who gets choked out by Dennis on the ropes and tossed. They head over to the desk for more abuse by Cornette, and back in for the flying knee to the back from Bobby, and Dennis finishes with the Stroke at 3:35.
– The Road Warriors v. Paul Garner & Larry Clarke. Usual mad attack to start and Hawk gets the flying shoulderblock and a crazy press slam, then Animal adds an elbowdrop and tosses Clarke. Back in, Animal shoulderblocks him down and the other guy gets to tag in, a rarity in itself. Animal welcomes him with a powerslam and it’s over to Hawk for the inverted backbreaker to finish at 1:40.
– Dusty and Magnum (not to be confused with the James Boys) are out to rage against Ric Flair. Dusty notes that clothes mean nothing, because when women are naked and you stack them upside-down, they all look the same. Baby Doll nearly loses it on camera after that one.
– Ron Garvin v. Thunderfoot. Thunderfoot is dressed like an extra from an Ed Wood movie or something this week. Garvin works on the leg and then wrestles him down with a nice combo for two. Hiptoss into the corner and he holds a facelock, then turns it into a small package for two. He holds a headlock on the mat and works the arm with a standing armbar. Thunderfoot gets some quick offense, but Garvin chops away in the corner and tosses him. Back in, Thunderfoot clubs away on the ropes, but misses an elbow and Garvin rolls him up to finish at 5:37.
– Ric Flair & Arn Anderson v. Italian Stallion & Rocky Kernodle. The jobbers start strong, as Kernodle hiptosses Flair and gets a backdrop and dropkick, and Flair bails. Back in, Flair chops Rocky down, but a backslide gets two on him. The Horsemen quickly regroup and Arn comes in, but Rocky grabs an armbar and the Stallion comes in. That allows Flair to chop him down and toss him to take over, as a slam and kneedrop set up Arn for his own punishment, as he targets the arm. Back to Flair with the chops and Stallion fights back, but Flair takes him down and brings in Arn for the rear chinlock. Stallion fights up, so Arn elbows him down again. Flair adds more chops, but Stallion manages to tag Rocky Kernodle back in. Rocky throws down with Flair, but then immediately tags Stallion back in, and he adds a backdrop out of the corner. Hiptoss follows, but he charges in like a moron and gets clobbered by Flair. Suplex follows and NOW, whoo, we go to school at 6:55. Flair grandstands for the Rock N Roll to come out and get some, so they do, and they brawl into the break.
– We return with a dire scene in the ring, as Robert has been laid out and apparently the brawl went really badly for the faces during that break.
– The Barbarian v. Ron Rossi. Luckily much of the match is covered up by a split-screen interview with Shaska & Baron, which is far more entertaining. This match is all club club club, choke choke choke, flying headbutt finishes at 4:37.
– Steve Regal cuts an ultra-generic heel promo, just in case we didn’t clue in from his boring match.
– Baron Von Rashke v. Rocky King. MORE from Paul Jones? Baron quickly knees King down and tears at his face, then stomps away on him. Baron tosses him and King tries a sunset flip back in, but Baron blocks it and drops an elbow for two. He chokes away on the ropes, then hits the chinlock. He pounds away, but Rocky fights back before putting his head down ridiculously soon and getting caught as a result. Jones throws the dreaded black glove in for Baron, and he finishes with the claw at 5:40.
– Flair and Anderson are back to celebrate whomping on Robert Gibson and thus proving their point. Flair’s crazed imitation of what the girls are going to sound like after the party is must-see stuff.
– Back with Cornette, and he still wants to unmask the James Boys.
– Jimmy Valiant v. Gene Ligon. Elbow and elbow finishes in 0:20.
And we’re done! A pretty manic, action-packed 90 minutes again this week.