The Marshall Report: Edition 10

Welcome to the only column that worships Mike Adamle’s meteoric rise in the world of Sports Entertainment! Nobody knew that Adamle would be the new RAW General Manager. Hate him all you want, but he thrives on your hate and this is why he’s better than you.

I speak my mind out on anything that occurs on the wire, and add a bit of humor to it. Somebody in WWE stole my idea of Mike Adamle being a good candidate for an authority figure based on an e-federation I run, yet I see no problems because I’m proud to say that it was my idea and I do expect full compensation for the use of my idea, so make the check payable to Paul Marshall and send it to me, Vince. Now, without further adieu, on with the show!

Last Time on TMR

Last time, I asked Pulse Glazer and myself what CM Punk needs to do right now to be considered a full blown heel. There were some funny responses from the both of us, ranging from stealing JBL’s money, renaming the World Heavyweight Title the WCW Title, and bringing back an old ROH entrance music. Then again, three weeks ago was slow news wise, so you got an interesting banter between me and the Ace.

The Marshall Five

For the 10th report, I decided to do a new thing, called the Marshall Five, which I take five news reports and go further in depth with my own analysis.

5. Disco Inferno v. Pulse Glazer

Well, it has been a busy three weeks around the Pulse. You have Disco Inferno saying how Bryan Danielson is a good wrestler, but you can’t sell a plain Joe to fans that want sports entertainment. However, our Ace still had to go toe to toe with the wrestler-turned-columnist over at Wrestlezone and he’s still living to tell us all. Hell, if I were Aaron, I’d ask about certain acquisitions from ROH to the WWE, most notably CM Punk. Sure, one could argue that his gimmick is currently being straightedge and an underdog champion, but for the most part, CM Punk is just like some plain Joe and the majority of the fans are enjoying him each week in the WWE.

I, for one, wouldn’t dream of stepping into the squared circle against Disco, but hell – if he has something to complain about those “internet writers”, perhaps he should remember that he’s now one of us as well. He may have a bit more knowledge behind the scope than most of us do, but at the end of the day he still has a job, we do too. His job may be more fun than ours, but without the wrestling columnists, opinionates, whatever you classify us to be, wrestling will still be enjoyable for the most part. We just make it better.

4. Wrestlemania XLV Match Revealed

In an attempt to really out-do themselves, as noted in the recent birth of Murphy Clair Levesque, it’s on the rumor mill that it will be Aurora Rose Levesque taking on Murphy Clair Levesque for the WWE Women’s Championship at Wrestlemania XLV. Of course I’m kidding, but with Triple H and Stephanie having their second girl, and with Trips already hitting the big 40, it leaves us to wonder if he’s going to try one more time to get a baby boy or if he’s going to raise future Women’s Champions. Best of luck goes to Triple H and Stephanie for whatever decision they make on this one.

3. WWE Wants Sarah Michelle Gellar. The Price? One Freddie, Please.

You could tell from the soap opera segment between Santino Marella and Beth Phoenix is truly 100% the work of Mr. Freddie Prinze, Jr., who was officially hired this week and started working. Yes, Santino and Beth started the reaction last week…but it’s still worth mentioning. This is also good news for the WWE, because we all know that they may convince Freddie to convince his lovely wife, Sarah Michelle Gellar, to make a cameo on their programming, or be involved in an angle. However, is Freddie that much of an idiot? He does have some of the qualifications that the WWE is looking for in regards to a creative writer, but perhaps they should screen all their current writers to see if they pass this qualification: Highly creative (a prolific idea generator). You hear too many stories of superstars being released because Creative has nothing for them. That, my friends, isn’t being highly creative.

2. WWE Wants Kids To Watch

It could be the recently contrived WWE Kids magazine or the newly made WWEkids.com website, but the WWE wants to create family-friendly programming for kids to watch. However, at the same time, the WWE needs to tread lightly as there has been instances where kids would intimidate the moves done by the superstars. Granted that it should be common sense that they shouldn’t “Try This At Home”, but some will do it despite warnings. The next story of a child losing their life because someone thought it was cool to use a wrestling move may cause WWE to possibly scrap the kid-friendly atmosphere and go back to more mature audiences. I can see why they want the kids to watch now – they need the ratings. This could be interesting as time goes on.

1. Mike Adamle Gets Promoted

The biggest story of the week goes to Mike Adamle, who hasn’t even been with the WWE for a year and has received more promotions than many that worked with the WWE in their entire careers. He was originally hired to be a backstage correspondent, but he did so well with that, that he was given the chance to be “The Voice of ECW”, replacing Joey Styles, who wanted to work more with WWE.com. Despite the deal that he was a lousy commentator at best, Vince needed to justify spending $300K on someone that plain sucks in most of the fans’ eyes. You see, they already hate him so bad that he get massive heat when he makes his way to the announcer’s table to do his job. So why not make him the next Eric Bischoff? It’s way too early to see how Adamle takes his newest position as a General Manager, but things could be worse: You have Vickie Guerrero and her “EXCUSE ME” attitude over on SmackDown.

Around the Pulse

Big Andy Mac gives us a live report from Toronto, Ontario Canada where ROH invaded last week and put on an energetic show.
Blatt goes Extreme in PG.
Mark Allen discusses the changes in WWE’s Wellness Policy.
Chris Biscuiti discusses WWE’s shift towards families.
John Wiswell goes in detail on Claudio Castagnoli’s “Fall from Grace”, so to speak.

Wrap Up

If anyone would have asked me if I’d ever be a writer for a wrestling website a few years ago, I’d probably say that I wasn’t good enough. It just goes to show you that anything is indeed possible and I feel privileged to do what I do with my RAW Reports and my bi-weekly column. Thanks again for taking the time to read this week and as always, comments are much appreciated. I’ll be back tonight to repay my debt to Mark Neeley and cover what should be an interesting TNA iMPACT! Until then, have a great Thursday!

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