Murtz: It’s very rare for me to start off the banter section of a column, but this year is different as there is a major announcement to make. I am happy to announce that for this year’s Ask _______ & Murtz column, we will have four of the hottest Survivors of all-time joining me. I know I am probably the luckiest guy in the world, I guess having your own TV show helps a little. Haha. Just kidding. I am very excited to have all of these lovely ladies join me and I think this year’s Gabon coverage will be the best ever since we will have so many different perspectives. I was recently in LA to attend the Big Brother 10 finale and the Fox Reality Awards and I got to watch the Gabon premiere with my BFF Michelle Yi (along with Anthony Robinson, Peih-Gee Law, and Chelsia Hart). For this first column, I will be joined by Michelle, (but I have a feeling some of the other celebrity writers might pop by since it is the premiere).
Michelle: Aw! Thanks for that, Murtz. So, I guess we’re back! And in in HD! ::high five:: Murtz, it’s great to see you again. And this season looks nuts! (And that’s not just the movie-esque High-Def talking!) 18 clueless Survivors making fools of their strategies. Haven’t these cats even seen an episode of Survivor?
Murtz: I have to tell you that Gillian made the worst first pick for a tribe captain in Survivor history. I was simply appalled at the selections. At first I thought that she was the only one who didn’t know what she was doing, but then everyone on the tribe seemed to follow suit. I know some people are going to argue that Gillian picking an Olympic champion was a good move, but I completely don’t agree (as evidenced by Crystal’s deplorable performance in the first challenge). And then Crystal picking Suzie over MARCUS, MATTY, DAN, & CHARLIE? I realize that they were obviously going for a female alliance, but to actually have an alliance that means anything, you need to win challenges and I do not see the Fang tribe doing anything in this game. Wait a minute, is that Eliza I see?
Eliza: Hi Everyone!! So first of all, I want to be upfront with my biases for this season right from the start. I was approached by casting and asked if I knew anyone who I thought would be great on Survivor, and I recommended my friend Charlie from law school and he made it on the show! That being said, I LOVE Charlie and will be rooting for him this whole season! I hope he wins!!!! So by the transitive property, I like Marcus because Marcus likes Charlie and Marcus PICKED Charlie so I like him even more for that! :) I thought it was a great first episode, I loved getting 2 hours!
Here’s a brief rant on my thoughts on the first episode: Jeff trying to keep with the survivors running for the hill was absolutely HILARIOUS. Jeff never has to bust his butt like that. I really like Bob – he is so Macgyver. Gillian has a good spirit, such a positive attitude. I like her. She cracks me up! “Do you want to see the elephant dung? it’s quite interesting” hahaha. I think she’ll be missed. Awww Kenny hasn’t kissed a girl in 5 years. The scene where he was eating termites and walking with Michelle was adorable. Randy cracks me up, but seriously how did he hit his head hard enough to need STITCHES?? Paloma is adorable. I would laugh the whole time at yoga, too! For an Olympic Gold Medalist, Crystal is kind of weak at challenges so far. I want to see her step it up. AND, why does Dan wear his TIE to tribal??? All in all a great start to the season, let’s hope it keeps going strong!
Michelle: I couldn’t agree more, Eliza. I love the Tribal Council ‘uniforms’. Totally crushing on Bob, aka Yau-Man 2.0. The bow-tie buff is the new floppy hat! But speaking of the similarities between characters from previous seasons, I feel like a lot of this cast can be given a twin. I know I’m excited to Corrine (Jerri Manthy 2.0) evolve. I know Murtz is going to want to talk about the hotties this season, so let’s bring in Jaime, our lady on stud patrol, to beat him to it! Jaime, whaddaya think?
Jaime: I like Marcus, the stud doctor. He is looking like the silent leader but I think if I had a doctor on my tribe I would keep him around. He is my top pick. Jacquie seems cool, love the blonde of course.
Murtz: Jaime, you know that everytime you call another guy a stud, it breaks my heart a little. I also like Jacquie as well. Who do you think is the hottest? Is there anyone that would qualify to make your ‘Hot Babe Alliance’ (like you had in China?)
Jaime: I think Kelly and Jacquie are the hotties of the season. They could have definitely been a part of the hot babe alliance… and Team Blonde, who by the way are going to be on Amazing Race this season! GO marisa and brooke! Marcus and Matty are the two studs. I think Charlie is a cutie too. This is actually a really good looking cast!
Michelle: ::laughs:: I love how surprised you sound! Let’s top off Team Murtz, with… Who might we be missing?
Brooke: Hooray for another season of Survivor! And, hooray for Eliza’s return to the blog after a two season hiatus. I’m in agreement with the rest of the ladies, Murtz. that Marcus is my the early fav. I loved when Charlie was telling him that he felt “safe” when Marcus was around. They’re an adorable pair. Marcus seems to have the athleticism and likability factor to go far. I also like Dan (did anyone else think he shares an uncanny resemblance with Drew Lachey?). All in all I’m excited for Gabon! You can’t beat having elephants in the camp at night to add a little excitement to a season. BUT I do have complaints… First, where did they find this cast??? Obviously none of them had ever watched Survivor before, because they all showed up in suits and skirts and no swimsuits. Way to be prepared! Second, I didn’t think this season merited a 2 hour premiere. It just felt like I was watching two separate episodes back to back. Fans versus Favorites would have made better use of a 2 hour kick-off. Finally, I’m not gonna lie, I’m jealous of the huts.
Murtz: Haha. This is why I heart you Struckster. Didn’t even take you a second to bring up the swimsuits. Somebody has clearly read her handbook on how to get people to read your internet articles.
Brooke: Kelly has you in the bag at least Murtz! I think a close second would be Jacquie (since you are partial to the blondes.) And don’t even pretend to disagree with me! You know I’m always right!
Murtz: You are always right Brooke. So Michelle, I know that I am dying to know which Survivor girl you think is the hottest. I am sure the readers are too. Any with makeout potential?
Michelle: We all know Eliza is the only girl for me! With that out of the way… ::rolls eyes:: Let’s get to the picks!
THIS WEEK’S BEST PLAYERS
CHARLIE
Michelle: What a great suggestion, Eliza! We already love Charlie. He’s got his strategy already in play. Luck is on his side— Sure seems to be helpful to be on Kota. And now he can build the very important bonds that he’ll need with his alliance. At least he knows it’s better to keep his heart out of the game. Right?
Murtz: Agreed. Charlie had a great week although I wonder if he will get tired of the constant comparisons to Todd Herzog from China, which started even before the season officially kicked off. Charlie isn’t going anywhere for awhile.
MARCUS
Murtz: It was an amazing week for Marcus, who has to be considered one of the early favorites to win the game. The man is athletic, went to Harvard, and not only has all of my female co-writers in this column swooning, but has Charlie in love as well. The thing that I like the most about Marcus’ early performance is the fact that he immediately convinced Charlie to take Corinne into the alliance. Given the fact that the producers have pretty much admitted that Corinne is this season’s bitchy character, this is a great early recognition by Marcus because he wants someone who will be loyal (which she will be) and who can also be destroyed in a jury vote. Well done.
Michelle: Finally someone who can demonstrate an iota of strategy! Marcus has a very Andrew Savage thing about him. (And if you don’t know how I feel about Andrew Savage yet, that’s a good thing!) I won’t go too much into his charm, I think Murtz has had enough of that for one episode, but I think we’ve all got this guy picked. He may not have been a huge fan of the game, but you can tell he did his homework! And Charlie and Marcus teaming up is a great play of two heads being better than one. The problem now is… There is only one winner in the game of Survivor.
BOB
Murtz: I thought that Bowtie Bob had a great week. And let’s just talk about that for a second. A lot of people seem to say that Survivor is played out and that we will never see anything new on a show that has been around for 17 seasons. Bob proved that statement is invalid (just as he probably does as a physics teacher) when he wore his Kota buff in a way that has never been done before. It was awesome! In addition, Bob led well and pulled pages out of Yau-Man’s Survivor handbook by being the silent leader and not being overbearing with his leadership. Gillian would have definitely benefitted from being a student’s in Bob’s ‘How To Play Survivor’ class. Finally, I think that Bob is in the best position to be one of the hangers in the Charlie/Marcus/Corinne/Jacque alliance (that will win this game, you can write it down now). Michelle, what do you think?
Michelle: My personal favorite Bob moment is when he was fixing the roof of the hut while the strong buff boys gave him the boost. Bob is providing for quite a strong Kota here. We all know the importance of camp comforts, having a fire going, someone to keep it all organized. Bob’s their man. That’s a perfect reason for CMCJ to pull him in. And that’s when he’ll really be earning his keep—because we all know winning Survivor has little to do with being earnest.
THIS WEEK’S WORST PLAYER
RANDY
Michelle: Talk about negativity! He’s like a very grouchy Richard Hatch. And who bangs their head so hard that they need stitches?! Not this early in Survivor! I’m not down with his attitude, or the psychopath look he’s going for. It really makes me wonder, how did he even get that far anyhow?! I can’t imagine his strategy is going to take him far, but then again with this bunch of buffoons, they might not even notice.
Murtz: Randy had a rough week, but this guy will be very amusing to watch as the season goes on. I actually hope that he stays awhile because he made me laugh almost everytime he opened his mouth. While he is definitely isolating himself from the rest of the team, can you really blame him for wanting no part of what might be one of the worst tribes ever put together? I know I have talked about it for almost the entire article, but WHAT WERE THEY THINKING WHEN THEY PICKED THEIR TRIBE?!
MICHELLE’S PICK
Best line of the night: “This may be Eden, but there’s no two Adam’s here.” –Marcus
MURTZ’S PICK
Best line of the night: “There’s no two Adam’s here.” -Marcus
ELIZA’S PICK
Best line of the night: “There’s no two adams here.” -Marcus.
“The other team has all the smart beautiful people and i’m stuck with
all these dorks” – Michelle
Randy’s “operation let everyone else crash and burn.”
Crystal was funny when she said she was going to say her vote out loud
“I ain’t even got the energy to walk up there.”
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