We start off with a video recap of last week’s shenanigans. “Main Event Mess!” The most ineffectual authority figure in pro wrestling history, Jeff Jarrett is being talked out of allowing Angle and Sting to fight in an empty arena by Jim Cornette. “What are my options?” Jarrett wonders. He thinks it will lead to him having to fight Angle again. My God Jarrett’s a bitch. Foley chimes in that a similar altercation happened a few years ago during halftime at the Superbowl. And you lost Mick! Cornette tells him to shut up. Jarrett thinks letting them fight will solve all their MEM problems. Cornette sends Borash on his way, telling him to go to some meaningful work instead of skulking around Jarrett’s office.
That takes us live (kinda) in the Impact Zone. Tenay and West welcome us by talking more about the fight we’re about to see. Angle hits the ring to kick us off with the 99th straight Impact with an opening Angle promo! Free cookies can be collected on the way out.
Angle admits this may be the end of the Mafia. He says the only way the Mafia could be brought down was from the inside, and he’s right. The entire future of the company is scattered, broken at the Mafia’s feet. It’s either Angle or Sting after tonight. Angle re-iterates his demand that all the fans be evacuated from the bingo hall so he and Sting can go at it one-on-one.
We transition to Lauren backstage with the Motor City Machine Guns. Sabin wants to know if the locker room is filled with all women. He says the Frontline’s feminine jealousy is making him sick. He says the MCMG are the most selfless people in the world. They pay taxes and give to charities. They obviously were not giving to black charities because Lethal and Creed attack them out of nowhere. As we go to a break, the MCMG start getting the upper hand in the brawl.
We return with the brawl approaching the ring.
Street Fight – Motor City Machineguns vs. Lethal Consequences
Creed mounts Sabin outside the ring and rains down a volley of punches. Lethal, also on the floor, tosses Shelley into the guardrail. Not to be outdone, Sabin rams Creed back first into guardrail as well. MCMG clear the crowd out of their way and hit a double kick on Creed. Lethal jumps the MCMG from behind and rolls Sabin into the ring. Shelley sneaks up from behind and pokes Lethal’s eyes. The Guns double-team Lethal in a corner. A sliding dropkick puts Creed down just as he’s trying to crawl back in the ring. Nice to see the shoulder, which had him writhing in agony a couple weeks back, is in tip top shape. MCMG set a chair up in front of Lethal’s face and missile dropkick the damn thing into it. Cover gets two. Another slide from Sabin puts Creed down again. A suicide dive from Sabin is countered by Creed with a chair shot. Lethal Consequences double team Shelley. A flying bulldog onto a chair gets two. Creed flies out onto Sabin with a Somersault Plancha. Lethal tries to throw Shelly face first into a chair set up in the corner but Shelley blocks it. He gets hit with an ensiguiri by Lethal. Lethal goes up top but misses a double stomp, landing on his feet. Shelley drives him face first into the chair for 2 and a half. Creed beats on Sabin outside. Shelley launches himself outside with a slingshot dive but meets a chair. Creed goes up and misses a flying legdrop. Sabin sets up a chair while Lethal gets a ladder. Sabin Cradle Shocks Creed onto a chair and then drop kicks the chair into his face. Another Cradle Shock is blocked by Lethal who blasts Sabin with the Lethal Combination onto the freaking chair. Shelly breaks pin the ensuing pin at two and a half. Lethal’s Handspring Back Elbow is met by a chair. Shelley with the Shellshock but Creed breaks the pin at two. Sabin hits Creed with a kick combo. Shelley hits Sabin by accident with the X-Division title. Shelly dumps Lethal onto the ladder Lethal set up earlier outside the ring. Sabin sneaks in with the belt. A belt shot on Creed gets three. Crazy ass match. I loved it.
Winners: Motor City Machineguns (***1/4 – the only complaint I have about this match is that it was too short, and the selling was non-existent. Both teams have been great the past few weeks. This was no different.)
Borash has been let back in Jarrett’s office to get the final ruling on the empty arena fight. Cornette says the match will go on. He is delusional and calls Jarrett TNA’s boss. I think it’s Angle. Foley’s smiling for some reason in the background. Jarrett guarantees excitement tonight. For someone who’s balls have been so completely cut off by his employees he seems awfully chipper.
We’re back with more Angle. The rest of the Mafia are not happy with how it’s turning out. Angle thinks talking to Sting at this point would be bullshit. Booker wants to know in whose is Sting out of line. Booker says that Sting has never disrespected him as much as some people in the room. Angle wants to know why he doesn’t team up with his buddy Sting in a handicap match if he’s got such a problem. Steiner convinces Sharmell to get Booker out of there. Booker tells Borash to back off him when he tries pressing him with questions. AJ jumps him from nowhere and beats Booker unconscious with the Legend’s Title. Hey, I thought he was going to jail for stealing that. He says he’s going to finish Booker at the next PPV.
Beer Money come down to the ring with a special challenge. They will put up their tag titles anywhere at any time. If the team wins, they’re champs but if they’re pinned by “Mr. Money Bags or This Drunk Son of a Bitch” they must leave TNA forever. They cannot come back under a mask or a cameraman or the fool that carries their bags. Storm taunts West to get in the ring, perhaps for more “Twinkie Money.”
The “Governor”, Roxxi and Taylor are backstage and they contemplate taking Beer Money up on their challenge. Roxxi thinks they could take them on seeing as how the broncos Storm rides are “f*cking ponies” compared to her. The Governor is still talking like Palin, therefore I leave the TV to go find some antifreeze to drink. In a nutshell: these three don’t like the way the Beautiful People have been treating people. That is all.
We’re back for another Stevie Richards counsels Abyss. Abyss describes his twisted love of pain, while 80s porn music twangs softly in the b.g.
Brutus Magnus, Sheik Abdul Bashir and Matt Morgan vs. Shane “Stool” Sewell and LAX
I’ve got mixed feelings about this match. Sewell and Magnus suck. Straight up.
Bashir and Homicide start. Belly to belly off the ropes by Homicide on Bashir. Sewell tagged in against Magnus who I’m sure wasn’t tagged in. Morgan (who certainly was not tagged) blasts Sewell with the Carbon Footprint. Bashir punches Sewell, hits him with chops and forearms for fun. He actually tags in Morgan. They lay him down with kicks. Magnus comes in for some double teamage. Side slam from Morgan gets two. Knees to Sewell’s gut put him down. Bashir gets tagged in. A neckbreaker on Sewell gets two. Bashir mounts Sewell and rains the punches down. He drops an elbow onto Sewell’s back. Sewell thrown out while Magnus and Morgan stop LAX from interfering with the beating Bashir is giving him. He rams Sewell’s back into ring post. Chair shot is ducked and hits post. Magnus in with an elbow drop. No tag of course. Bashir accidentally hits Magnus. Sewell with the hot tag to Hernandez. Hernandez slingshots in with a shoulderblock. He hits an over the shoulder backbreaker on Magnus. Homicide with a Tope con hilo to the outside. Powerbomb by Hernandez gets two. It’s broken up by Magnus. Sewell tosses Magnus to the floor. Border Toss puts Bashir down and out. Sewell goes up with a flying elbowdrop that would make Macho Man proud. That gets the three.
Winner: Sewell and Lax (* – Very rushed with spotty rules. Tags were appearantly not mandatory but rather something the referee would prefer combatants did. I don’t know how no one in TNA catches this stuff)
Hardcore History Part 2
It’s some refrigerator match with Sting, where Foley’s whole family’s wellbeing was at stake. Without videos, I don’t care.
Lauren wants Steiner to tell her how the MEM’s closed door meeting went. Steiner mumbles that they were unable to talk Angle down, not that he ever wanted to. He thinks the fight later tonight will make
Steiner wants her to take her clothes off and lie down on his bench press bench. Lauren would rather talk about Samoa Joe’s threats from last week Steiner ain’t scared. Joe’s still “fat.” The only way Steiner would be scared of him is if he was a hamburger. Steiner now wants to work “off” in peace. Joe’s arm appears from off-screen and grabs Steiner’s bench press mid pump. Joe warns Steiner that the nation of violence is coming. “Joe is gonna kill (him)”
Lauren asks SoJo how her winner the battle royal last week sits with the Kongtourage. SoJo doesn’t care what they think. She “keeps it real.” Saeed tells SoJo to keep her mouth shut. They were supposed to keep all discussion of this within the Kongtourage. SoJo doesn’t want to be told what to do by any but her “mama” and “Red Riding Hood” is not her mother. Saeed promises that this will signify trouble.
Angelina Love vs. Taylor Wilde
Oh Good lord, my wifey Velvet Skye looks oh so fly tonight. Love attacks Wilde from behind. It devolves into a brawl as the girls throw punches on the mat. Wilde with a forearm, calls a spot right in front of the camera. She hits an armdrag and dropkick for two. Another forearm puts Love down. Whip is reversed and Kip trips Wilde up. Rudy Charles does the wrestling world a favor and sends Kip to the back. Love leaves the ring to protest but Wilde brings her back in. Love hits a neck breaker over the top rope from the apron for two. She mounts and punches Taylor, who covers up. Wilde into the turnbuckle and gets drilled with a clothesline on her way back out for two. Taylor fights back but gets hit with a series of kicks that put her down for two. Second cover gets two as well. Third cover still gets two. Love thinks that was definitely a three. Love chops Taylor who chops right back. Talyor ducks a clothesline and hits one of her own. Dropkick into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker leads to a cover. Skye distracts the ref. Love drills Wilde with the Lights Out but Roxxi has the ref occupied outside the ring. Love pulls Wilde up, Irish whip reversed and Love gets tripped this time. Love complains to the ref and predictably gets caught with a roll-up for three.
Winner – Taylor Wilde (* – I haven’t like a Knockouts match in months. And this wasn’t the one to break the streak.)
Jeremy Borash with Sting in the rafters. Sting rightfully says anything Kurt wants he’ll get. Sting thinks this all boils down to Angle being jealous of his belt. Sting is protective of who gets to touch his belt, lest it be “tarnished”. Sting doesn’t care if the fans are gonem as long as the cameras are rolling. Cause Sting, you see, works best when it’s “showtime!”
Another Ultimate X Rough Cuts.
Off the Wagon Challenge – Beer Money (TNA Tag Team Champions) vs. Eric Young and Petey Williams
Petey’s back in the Team Canada jacket. See, losing the headdress wasn’t all that bad. Storm and Petey kick things off. Young with a punch out of the corner. Shoulderblock from Storm. Williams tries for hip toss. It’s blocked so Williams kicks Storm in the gut, follows it with a Jawbreaker and a spinning leg lariat. Storm comes back with an inverted atomic drop. Low dropkick to Storm’s knee from Williams. Young gets tagged in. Some double teaming leaves Storms hamstrings sore and Roode on the floor. An eyepoke allows Storm to tag Roode. Roode immediately is met with a punch. Young mounts the turnbuckle rains down ten punches. Young tossed onto apron knocks Storm off. Jackie grabs Young’s foot. This allows Storm opportunity to get the upper hand. He puts the beats on him outside as we go to a commercial.
Back from commercial and Storm is in control. Young fights back with punches on Storm and elbows for Roode. A kick from Storm puts Eric down for two. Roode is in, and Beer Money hit a double suplex. Beer! Money! Roode stomps Young. Young fights back with punches. A flying knee off the ropes puts Roode to the floor. Young tries to tag Williams but Storm pulls him off. A distraction allows Jackie to choke Young on the ropes. Tag to Storm. He punches Young and chokes him on the rope. Young drops out of the Eye of the Storm and hits Storm with a gentle kick to the back. Roode stops the tag to Pete byut Young makes it anyway. Williams with the slingshot facebuster. He throws Beer Money into each other in the corner and puts Roode down with a Russian Legsweep. Payoff is blocked by Young. Young catches Petey’s legs and spins them around into a spinning DDT. Pretty cool. A flying legdrop gets 2.86. Team Canada both go up, looking for a double superplex. Roode breaks it up and powerbombs everybody off the top. Young dumps Roode. Young wants to dive on him but Hebner for some reason won’t let him. They talk about it on the outside. Jackie tries for a top-rope splash but Petey moves moves. He goes for the Canadian Destroyer on Jackie but Storms smacks him with the Last Call for three. Petey is gone!!! Petey cries while Tenay thanks Petey for his contribution to the X-Division over the last five years.
Winners: Beer Money (**1/4 – Good match. I don’t understand why Petey was let go. Especially seeing as how they’ve been using him lately. There are so many other people they could have let go. Weird.)
Lauren backstage with Team 3-D and Rhino. For the last hour and a half, I forgot these guys even existed. Rhino admits to being worried that the people that are always at ringside, trying to minimize the damage each wrestler inflicts on one another, are not going to be there for the next match. He hopes Sting and Angle make it out alive. Ray wants to know why Rhino cares when those two obviously don’t care about any of them. He hopes they cripple each other tonight. He hopes neither one of them will be around next week. He wants Rhino to forget about this trash and go with him to a strip club. D-Von’s got a white chick that Rhino might like. Rhino, wiser than he looks, rightfully suspects that the Brutha has himself a taste for fat white girls. Amen.
Everybody is getting evacuated for the empty arena fight. What stops any of these people from wandering away, in search of the nearest, cheapest call girl is beyond me.
Borash is outside asking Orlando’s finest who they think will win the next match. Tenay points out how eerie it is not seeing the usual 47 people in the Impact Zone. And, for once, I find myself agreeing. History is about to be made, and it’s about to be made next.
Empty Area Brawl – Kurt Angle vs. “The Icon” Sting (TNA Heavyweight Champion)
Trash talking leads to a pretty damn stiff slug fest which Sting gets the best of. Sting clotheslines Angle to the floor. He threatens homicide on Angle before throwing him onto the vacant chairs. Sting tosses Angle into the wall. Angle with a series of HARD punches. After delivering the blows Kurt collapses in exhaustion. More punches and kicks to Sting. Sting blocks and hits a big punch of his own. Angle back with a kick. He throws Sting into the guardrail. Sting reverses a whip into a wall. He again throws Angle into the wall. Angle rakes Stings entire face. Angle drags Sting up stairs. They’re at the top of the Impact Zone and trade punches there. The sounds of them hitting the walls and punching each other, sounds sick with no crowd. Sting dumps Angle from the top of the bleachers to the floor below. This match is pretty sick. Angle hits Sting with a mailbox as Sting comes down the stairs. Angle’s got a limp but his “hate” for Sting is so stron he keeps beating on him. A euro uppercut gives Amngle the momentary upper hand. Sting gets it back and whipos Amngle over the guardrail. A charge by Sting misses. Angle follows it up with a low blow. Angle gets a chair calls Sting “a stupid son of a bitch.” Sting kicks Kurt’s gut and gets the chair away from him. Sting blasts him over the back with it. Sting’s standing over Angle ready to “take (his) head off” with the chair. But Angle starts begging. He says he’s sorry and he has kids to think of. Nash is out. When Sting looks uncertain of hitting him. Angle tells him to go ahead and use the chair, going so far as to call Sting a “pussy.” Sting rears back to hit him but Nash takes the chair away. Steiner’s out too, and he holds Angle back. Nash yells at Angle to “make this right”. Angle doesn’t look at all like he wants to. Sting extends his hand for a shake but Kurt looks uncertain. Eventually, Angle resigns to shake. But something snaps in Kurt’s face, and he spits in Sting’s face. This brings them back to blows as Steiner and Nash try to split them up. As we go to a break Angle screams that he hates Sting and will, most certainly, kill him.
No contest (***1/4 – Short, but stiff. Was much better than I thought it was going to be. It sets up their “real” match so I will also concede that the booking made some sense after all.The aftermath, with Nash getting into it as well was also pretty cool.)
We come back with a replay of what we just saw. Sting’s backstage and is mad. He says he’s never been disrespected so badly as this. Sting doesn’t care when or where, he’s going “all in.” He yells that he hates Kurt as much as he hates him and storms off screaming at the top of his lungs.
Kurt is raging in his dressing room. He wants Jarrett, he wants Sting’s life. Nash tells Kurt that he’s the one who caused this, not Sting. Angle wants to know what his alternative was, to apologize, to be a “pussy.” He wants Sting and as we fade to black Kurt screams into the camera for Jarrett to make it happen.
