Grabbing a bunch of big names that have appeared in other horror films before and throwing them into yours does not guarantee success. Taking a few people from this one and a few from that one…throwing them in a big (not so) scary house…and having odd things happen is not really a recipe for enjoyment and fright. I just hate it when filmmakers try way too hard without really trying at all. That may not make much sense now, but watch House and you’ll see exactly what I mean.
Two couples have found themselves stranded on a country road after running over some old metal parts and puncturing numerous times. Jack and Stephanie were on their way to marriage counseling due to their relationship crumbling after an accident that tore them apart. The other couple they meet has found refuge for the night at the Wayside Inn and doesn’t seem much better off. All four guests are greeted by the family of Betty, Pete, and Stewart who don’t exactly welcome them with open arms but end up creeping the hell out of them. Weird things soon begin happening and the shotgun-wielding “Tin Man” is also outside the house and looking for a dead body in order to spare the rest of them. Our two couples are not exactly sure what is going on, but they do know their deep secrets weren’t kept as hidden as they had thought.
House is nothing more then an amalgam of ideas from horror (among other genres) films thrown together. There’s a little bit of House of 1,000 Corpses, Vacancy, Cold Creek Manor, FEAR, and The Wizard of Oz among others. If you’re an avid movie watcher then you’re bound to catch onto a few of these because they are rather obvious. Others are thrown into the film in small parts, but they were easy to pick out to me because of the number of flicks I’ve seen throughout my life. It’s one thing to rip off scenes from other films because not everything can be original anymore due to so many new films coming out every week even, but at least try to fool somebody. The blatant similarities to House Of 1,000 Corpses is just insane and it doesn’t help any that two of the film’s stars appear here as well. Ok, so Leslie Easterbrook was not in 1,000 Corpses but its sequel The Devil’s Rejects, yet you get the idea. I just couldn’t stop comparing the two and it is almost pointless because this is by far the inferior film.
Be prepared for some confusion because you’re going to get it from the start and it’ll last a good twenty minutes in or so. After that, things begin to clear up and then take a turn down Confusing Lane once more because more plot points are thrown at you with no warning and you’ll end up scratching your head again. There is a lot going on and worst of all you just won’t care. It’s hard to give a damn about anyone of the characters, especially the victims. If you’re like me then you’re going to find yourself rooting for them to end up dead so you don’t have to hear them anymore. I wanted to like House and at times thought I did, but then a whole bunch of crap came along and ruined it for me.
The film is shown in 1.78:1 Anamorphic Widescreen format and it doesn’t look to bad for the most part, but it’s not great either. In particular, the first twenty minutes or so has a lot of “blurry” effects that aren’t cool in the least bit but just really annoying. House also has a number of shots that take the camera behind objects and walls or just cast the shot into total darkness with nothing being shown at all.
The film is heard in Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound and it just sucks. Half the time you can’t hear what everyone is saying and you have to rewind it a few frames to catch it. Sometimes the music is too loud but the sound effects are awful and barely heard at times.
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Trailers – Bella and The Spirit
Grab any number of other horror films you can find when you head to the video store because you will end up seeing House but done in a much better way. So much potential and so much talent utterly wasted with a horrible script and a budget the size of my wallet. Come on man…CGI rain that looks so fake when all you had to do for a better effect is use a garden hose. No special features make this a pointless buy or rental so there is no need to even bother with it.
Ya know what, screw this. I’ve seen too many damn films that are so God awful and end up getting released on DVD or even in theatres and I know that something I create would be one million times better. It’s about damn time I made a film of my own. You all know this won’t happen…BUT IT SHOULD!
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Lionsgate presents House. Directed by: Robby Henson. Starring: Bill Moseley, Michael Madsen, Leslie Easterbrook, Reynaldo Rosales, Julie Ann Emery, Heidi Dippold. Written by: Ted Dekker, Frank Peretti, & Rob Green. Running time: 88 minutes. Rating: R. Released on DVD: April 7, 2009. Available at Amazon.com
