Master of hitting reset: Geoff Johns
Art: Scott Kolins
My first Flash comic was issue #350, which was consequently the final issue of the “Barry Allen” run. I was eleven years old. I so fell in love with the character as he seemingly disappeared into a future of happiness that I slowly worked my way backwards and read Barry’s story in reverse. Before I could drive, I owned a solid run of the last 150 issues and a smattering of comics prior to issue 200. I loved Barry to no end and found it hard to get into the new Flash series that featured Wally West. Once Mark Waid took over the title, the adventures of Wally West far outstripped anything from Barry Allen’s past. Waid departed and Geoff Johns sprung onto the scene with some of his early comic work. Johns’ run brought danger and fresh ideas into Wally West’s life. Oh, and the plot never hung in a purgatory of status quo like most comics. Wally worked so well as a character because he was constantly developing. The changes Wally underwent were never thrown away because of some random editorial event. Waid and Johns’ character developments seemed immune to insipid events and the “let’s shake things up because” style of most comic writers.
I was possibly Geoff Johns’ greatest fans during his early days as a writer for DC. As time marched on I became less enamored with his skills as a writer. Johns never tells a concise story of worth anymore. Everything runs on and on—pun most certainly intended. Case in point, the initial pointless arc to this relaunched title. It started off with a compelling opening getting us used to Barry as the lead in an ongoing Flash title. Then it meandered along aimlessly retelling plot points for five further issues. Johns’ one true skill in writing seems to be putting the pieces back together for a character that another writer has “damaged”. The ongoing craftsmanship of writing a continuing tale has eluded him as time marches on.
To be fair, there is no other business on Earth that so enjoys damaging their intellectual properties like Marvel and DC. Having Hal Jordan ruthlessly murder the entire Green Lantern Corps, while awesome to read, is similar to the entire board of McDonalds cutting a commercial where they smear the Golden Arches with feces. Giving Superman electrical powers and changing his costume is the equivalent of Coca Cola announcing the creation of a new alphabet used only for their brand name, and changing their well known red and white design to yellow and black,. All so you couldn’t possibly pick it out of the soft drink case. How about the Spider Clone Saga, a crazy dude in a robot suit as Batman, or Daredevil in that putrid looking armor? All wretched brand desecrations that no sane company would ever allow anyone to commit to their property. Still, the idea of fixing someone else’s mistakes and returning everything to an earlier status quo isn’t the work of a visionary. Geoff Johns is, at his best, a plumber that comes in and fixes the pipes after a layman screwed everything up. Oddly enough, he’s probably messing up the electrical work in your “house” without you noticing, but maybe eventually you’ll figure it out.
The first six issues of this comic served very little purpose. Everything we needed happened in the first issue. Those first 22-pages returned Barry Allen to the crime lab and gave us a look at his new life. Barry working to solve crimes CSI-style gave hope that Geoff had a fresh spin to offer. Instead the following five issues meandered through a convoluted storyline featuring rogues from the future. These branding disasters are good guys trying to hunt the Flash for a crime he had yet to commit. You can never have enough characters with the same basic name, look, and powers occupying space in the DCU. The entire plotline ended with some guy shooting out of the speed force on a motorcycle. The character’s name is Hot Pursuit and we’re promised he will try and slow down all those blasted speedsters. Yippee! This character is clearly Geoff’s euphemism to craftily illustrate his job of slowing down the entire DC Universe and make certain nothing happens unless you’ve read 56 chapters in prelude.
Flashpoint will not begin until next summer, but first we get this official prelude. Obviously we must dilly dally about for 4-6 issues to learn about Mr. Motorcycle then it will be time for the event of events. First, it seems, we must suffer through the comic I am taking my time to review right now.
You think I took a long time to get to my review?
Well, I am just following the lead of Spike TV’s Scream Award Winning Best Comic Writer: Geoff Johns. Callthis review my ode to Geoff Johns’ style of never getting to the point.
Issue #7 of Flash is the biggest waste of printed matter since all those books were published with Sarah Palin’s name on ‘em. The entire comic is a Rogues Spotlight that rehashes the events of Captain Boomerang’s “life.” The character is a perfect example of Johns’ superpower; he’s fixing what Brad Meltzer broke just six years ago. I won’t go into the resurrection of Boomerang, but instead let’s talk about what passes for a script. The issue seemingly sits before me to tell about the Captain what anyone with the Internet could find out in four minutes on Wikipedia. Apparently the issue was written with the hollow dream of new readers everyone in the comic industry professes are coming. They won’t be jumping aboard this mess anytime soon, so there’s no need to pander to them. The only new moments feature Captain Boomerang freeing Reverse Flash from custody (himself resurrected yet again) and the rest of the rogues getting angry. That’s it! Three bucks get you regurgitated character development and a couple pages of storyline that will lead to you buying a year’s worth of late comics that won’t get you anywhere but the next overlong arc.
Guess what, the Road to Flashpoint doesn’t even begin in the next issue. You read that correctly. The comic that starts the interminable lead up to Flashpoint doesn’t even start until issue #9. Instead, you can all do this in a couple of weeks as issue #8 promises the stunning details about Reverse Flash that almost everyone reading the comic already knows. After that wasted 3 bucks, you may have the honor of buying into the prelude, and finally it’s on to the meat of the story in just six months. Shameful!
I can’t even say the artwork is worth picking this issue up. Scott Kolins, who worked with Johns on most of his previous Flash run, fills in this month. I’m not sure what happened to Scott Kolins, maybe it’s just me, but his artwork is not up to the level it used to be. Kolins’ inky style was the perfect compliment to Johns’ older stories that focused on upping the danger level in Flash. Unfortunately that’s the past. Today the characters are not very dynamic, have silly looking eyes, and don’t appear quite the same from panel to panel. It’s not awful, but the artwork in no way saves a badly written comic.
The only thing this comic excels at is bilking you out of your money. I am officially through buying The Flash. Waste other people’s time, Geoff!
