Time for Penny Sautereau-Fife:
So the evolution of Nexus continues by having a “fan” run-in so telegraphed Dixie Carter could have spotted it. Seriously, all of ONE fat security gaurd tried to stop the guy when we’ve seen dozens of fan run-ins over the years where the fan was swarmed in a heartbeat and dragged out. Hell I can probably go on YouTube right now and find 5 examples in under a minute. How bloody lazy is the writing staff at UnCreative when they can’t give Batistette a better debut?
It wouldn’t have taken much and could’ve made him look that much more badass. Send out a half dozen or more of the local jobbers who play security and have them bust their ass to make it look like this guy legit jumped the barricade. Have him prove his toughness by picking them off in droves as they try to restrain him, making him look scary dangerous. Have Cena break character after a fashion by having him react just like Eddie Guerrerro, Triple H and Chris Jericho before him, to name just three, and charge the guy for jumping the barrier.
Here you have Batistette take Cena down, not while Cena just stands there dumbfounded looking like his only thought is “Dave? Didn’t I retire your ‘roided ass last year?” before realizing Batistette has no tattoos and oops there’s a boot in my face!
As it stands, I AM happy Batistette’s debut allowed Punk to further show off his evolving complete sociopath character by intentionally taking a seriously sick looking shot to the cheek to get Cena disqualified, but I doubt even the marks believed he was really a fan who jumped the barricade.
UnCreative has a terminally short attention span. So many little moments on WWE programming that should be no-brainers get ruined by a complete lack of historical awareness, continuity or even the simplest plot logic. Much as we sometimes hate to admit it, WWE IS fiction. It’s a TV show, a story being told live by athletes. And to that end Vince needs to hire the right people for the job of writing the shows.
Part of the problem is that the bulk of the current UnCreative staff are failed sitcom/drama writers, guys who couldn’t cut it writing for How I Met Your Mother (After telling you about all the whores I fucked before her for 6 bloody seasons) or Law & Order (Paint By Number Drama Unit). That right there should be a huge red flag for Vince but apparently the fact these writers FAILED at writing for real tv wasn’t something he thought was worth noting.
On top of this he’s rehired the abysmally unwatchable Freddie Prinze Jr, (a scar on his enormously more talented late father’s legacy if ever there was one), a guy who, while an admitted lifelong hardcore wrestling fan, had next to no writing experience and is famous mostly for being Freddie Prize’s son who acted woodenly in shitty teen flicks from 95-05. The only good thing Freddie Jr ever did was bang Buffy.
What few experienced wrestlers ARE on staff for the booking often get overlooked or overridden by Stephanie. The only two who ever actually succeed in driving storylines are Micheal Hayes and Dusty Rhodes, both notorious for their history of cookie-cutter programs. Why else do you think that whenever Raw has a particularly cheesy predictable story going, half the writers on IP say “This shit has Dusty Finish written all over it”? It isn’t something they say in HONOR of the senior Mister Rhodes, trust me.
The answer to this would be obvious.
Hire US.
Internet wrestling writers, the good ones, not only KNOW the product inside and out, but have experience writing about it. The better among us, like IP’s own Phil Clark for one, have both the experience writing AND the product knowledge to set up compelling exciting programs that not only utilize the talent in the best ways for their strengths, but respect the history of what’s come before. We’ve been wrestling fans, often for decades. I’m almost 37 and I’ve been watching since mid 87. Most Internet Wrestling writers can claim to have been watching for similar time, some even longer. We know what works and what doesn’t.
Of course this is a pipe dream. We all know it. As much as some of us would love the chance to write Raw, the bottom line is that Vince and Stephanie just don’t care about plot logic or good wrestling. They want SPORTZ ENTERTAINMENT! They want cheap pops and catchphrases, and teeshirts sold up the wazoo. This is one reason why Paul Heyman gave up on wrestling. Vince believed Bobby Lashley would win over the fans if he won the ECW title. Paul knew that the fans would fart on his victory unless he won them over FIRST. They argued, Vince wouldn’t listen to simple logic or common sense, Vince wanted to “shock” the fans. Paul gave up and quit.
And that’s why I only watch Raw as a diversion because nothing else interesting is on from 6:15-8:30PM up here. I rarely get riveted. Every so often something makes Fran and I laugh, or go “Oooo that had to hurt”, but beyond that, I haven’t been glued to the screen in a long time, because frankly the stupidity of the writing often hurts my brain.
I’ll probably never stop watching wrestling. It’s become a habit like smoking; I know it’s killing my brain cells but I can just never find the motivation to give it up.
But I miss really ENJOYING it. And fixing the writing staff would go a long way to restoring my ability to enjoy the product.
After all, if I can tell when not even really paying attention to Raw because I’m watching Fran play Plants Vs Zombies that the roided out Batistette on the screen is NOT a fan who jumped the rail, anyone could. And simple details like that detract from the quality of the overall product.
One final note on a different subject; I think they ARE finally planting the seeds for a Cena heel turn as some Pulse staffers have theorized. Why? The bit with Cena taking the guy’s cellphone, being rude to whomever was on it, then tossing it into what looked like a bowl of cereal? Dick move. HUGE dick move. And very much NOT face behavior. That bit definitely made me consider that they might finally be ready to pull the trigger on what most of us knew they ought have done 2 years ago.
Well you kids enjoy your wrestling debates, I’m going back to my Man Vs Food marathon so I can be horrified and fascinated all at once by the crap that guy will put himself through for a challenge.
