That Being Said: TNA Victory Road 2011 Report – Hogan, Flair, Sting, Angle, Jarrett

Welcome to “That Being Said”, your recap for TNA Victory Road 2011. Much like TNA itself, this PPV recap will probably be slightly better received than the TNA Impact recaps. But, people might actually read this recap. I’m not sure if anyone will buy this PPV. I’m pretty sure no one even knows it’s happening. They certainly didn’t say anything about it until the last 10 minutes of Impact last week. If only there was some logical reason as to why PPV buyrates are so down…

Thanks again for all the comments last week.  It appears that most people received Impact the way I did – pleasant surprise that the show wasn’t near as bad as it usually is, combined with an extremely cautious and doubtful optimism.

Counter-Comment

Steven Gepp: The worst finisher ever is still the Garvin Stomp. It requires your opponent to be clinically dead before you can apply it. Same with the WORM, but that never actually won a match, so I suppose it doesn’t count.
Blair: The same could be said for The People’s Elbow, Kofi’s Boom Drop (or whatever), Cena’s fist drop that I just refuse to type out the name of, and at least 5 or 6 other very famous finishers or signature moves.

Tony The Tiger: Good episode of Impact. Very good indeed. Hey I am not the only one. 1.3 million people who watch TNA Impact agree with me.
Blair: Uh… not neccesarily.

The Point:  I am not against bringing in jersey shore castmates into TNA as long as they align themselves with the knockouts and the knockout divsion matches. No harm, no foul.
Blair: You know what Point, you actually have a decent… point… there. Too many times TNA has brought a celebrity in and not used them in the undercard as it should be. So yeah, nicely said. I still say they’re spending WAY too much airtime on it though.

The Point: I hope TNA is starting to set up a potential Matt Hardy / AJ Styles feud. That would be sweet to have 2 aluminis from OMEGA putting on some great matches.
Blair: I would personally rather see AJ Styles going after Jeff Hardy, or Sting, or rebelling against Bischoff and Hogan… like was promised a month ago. Also, I haven’t seen a lot of good Cold Blood matches – I’m not saying there’s none, I’m just saying there’s barely any where he’s not killing himself on ladders or watching his brother kill himself on ladders. By the way, is Matt still calling himself Cold Blue? Or was Cold Blue just like a one night thing? Can I stop having to switch to blue font to write Cold Blue now?

The Point: The 3 best feuds in all of wrestling are: Jeff Jarrett / Kurt Angle, Madison Rayne / Mickie James,  Bully Ray / Devon.
Blair: Ehhh… I know you mean best feuds in all of wrestling RIGHT NOW, but at first, I fucking cringed at this. Then I thought about it for a minute, and realized there’s not a feud in WWE or the rest of TNA that has any real intensity to it. So there might be something to your… point… but that’s because there’s a lack of decent, intense feuds in wrestling right now. Not because TNA is so awesome at storytelling. Also, how did Madison and Mickie get on there?

The Fuj: Jeff Jarrett and Kurt Angle deserve a round of applause. Jarrett / Angle has been the best feud in the business this year. The drama, intensity and emotion that both of these great athletes have brought to this rivalry is tremondous!
Blair: It’s only March, chief. Also, a good half of this feud has been treated as comedy sketch without the comedy. As for the drama, so far the climax of this feud has been WILL JARRETT GO INTO THE CAKE?!?!? Nope, he’s fine. Oh wait, WILL JARRETT GO INTO THE CAKE?!?!? Oh, he’s okay again. Damn. Oh, here we go again, WILL JARRETT GO INTO THE CAKE?!?!? Nope, he’s still fine. WHOOOOOOAAAHHHH KAREN WENT INTO THE CAKE!!! WHAT A SWERVE!!!

Daniel Gianni:  Hey Blair, love your work. Your articles are so ‘full of win’. Do you feel that the X Division has become dangerously thin. Given their tendency to go back to the halcyon days of WCW,shouldn’t Bischoff-Hogan try to import the best Japanese & Mexican cruiserweights to bolster the threadbare X Division. Though I can see reasons why they it would be hard.
Blair: Thanks! I don’t feel that the X-Division has become thin, because there’s not much of an X-Division anymore. Any guys that are in there switch in and out of the “division” at will to go onto other things. They might come back if they need a filler match, but that doesn’t mean it’s an actual division. Although looking at what they have planned tonight for the X match, I can see where you’re coming from. There’s an inherent problem that leads into putting a bunch of guys who deliver superior wrestling all into one division, and that’s a problem TNA has faced before. It makes their “main events” look like crap. So I don’t think they need to go back to putting all the good wrestlers in the single, mid-card division.

But I’m all for TNA / Bischoff / Hogan / Dixie / Russo / whoever else it is that’s booking this crap going out and finding guys that can actually wrestle. Doesn’t matter if they’re cruiserweights, heavyweights, or whether they’re from Mexico, Japan, or anywhere else. I’m dying for TNA to bring in some actual wrestlers to replace what they’ve lost in the last couple years. I don’t see it happening, though.

Gary: I never thought I said this: But Jeff Jarrett is becoming my favorite wrestler! Jeff Jarrett has more charisma than 90% of the WWE roster!
Blair: Nice try, Jeff Jarrett.

Dan Smith: Man oh man… look while they are definitely light years behind the WWE, TNA is trying. bringing in cruiser-weights from outside the U.S. is a great idea. If they are going to copy old WCW tricks with what worked on the longterm this is a good way to go. As for the ever constant and criticized older stars. They are needed to bring the people’s attention in. Now I cant change that it might be tired or tired old retread, but really it is what it is. So for the detractors, just shut up. If you don’t like it don’t watch it. Simple right. Look I am not an expert, but I have been watching wrestling since I was 5 years old, and that stretches from Hogan and Pipers match on MTV, The original run of the Horsemen, WCCW on ESPN. and AWA in the Rick Martel/Stan Hanson days. That’s a lot of viewership on my part and I can tell you this while TNA doesn’t stack up to WWE, I have seen far,far worse out there. enjoy it for what it is and quit whining because you make it sound as a fan, that you are owed something. Most of the people I read on here remind me that they are self-serving, arrogant punks that have no idea what is great or not. I know, I know everyone is entitled to an opinion, but shut up anyways. Maybe if you do, you might eventually get that rare moment that is worth the wait, if it does’nt happen then in 20 years you can look back and say, I remember when…
Blair: That just might be the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.

TheWrestlingGuy: Ric Flair should retire. At this point in his career there is only one thing he can do. And that is bleed. Bleed like no wrestler has ever bled before. He is flodding the ring with blood every match he is in.
Blair: Ric Flair will NEVER retire. Not voluntarily. If he has his way, they’ll be doing the wrestling version of Weekend At Bernie’s with his corpse.

Intro

Normally, I would use possible multiple nuclear reactor meltdowns along a major faultline as the perfect excuse to not have to cover a TNA show. But I actually think that this will be an interesting PPV, if nothing else. I know I’m basing that on ONE passable episode of Impact, but still. Judging by the Roundtables that I don’t do, people are half-optimistic about tonight’s show. I have to agree in saying that who should win the matches in question is pretty obvious – but it’s TNA, so who knows. If it’s any good, is that even all that big a victory for them if no one knew the PPV was happening?

I think that one thing that’s possible is that TNA just kind of threw this together, knowing they couldn’t compete this month with WrestleMania. If that is what happened, then I have to say you can’t really blame them. Especially with LockDown next month, which in all respects is usually a much bigger show.

 Only one way to find out.

TNA Victory Road 2011

Typical “epic” intro. 

Bully Ray gets in the ring, and starts verbally blowing Bischoff and Hogan. He thinks they’re doing a bang-up job. He doesn’t get to finish his thought before Tommy Dreamer’s music hits and he comes out. Bully Ray runs him down, referencing how he broke Tommy’s wife’s neck. He says that thanks to Bischoff and Hogan, this is now a No-DQ, Falls Count Anywhere match. He asks Tommy what he thinks of that, then Tommy starts kicking his ass.

No Disqualification, Falls Count Anywhere
Bully Ray .vs. Tommy Dreamer

Tommy rattles off some punches, before Ray bounces off a rope and clotheslines Tommy. It doesn’t last long, as Tommy dodges an elbow and tosses Ray out of the ring. He puts him into the ringpost and the steel steps. Tommy gets a fan to hold up a chair, which he then slams Ray into. Tommy grabs a bottle of water, drinks it, spits it in his face, and hits him with a bottle. Then he grabs a stuffed animal and hits Ray with it, and Ray goes down. The announcers are laughing. Dreamer tosses Ray over the guardrail and tosses him into a couple of the walls.

Tommy takes Ray up the stairs and into the fans, and runs him into a bunch of stuff. Then he hits him with some kind of rod. Tommy punches him back down the stairs and hits a clothesline. Tommy starts a loud “TNA” chant. This lets Ray get up and crotch Tommy on the rail. He then jumps off the steps and hits an elbow. Crowd starts chanting that he sucks. Good crowd tonight at least. He then charges the announcer-girl, and yells “OUT OF THE WAY YOU BITCH” and almost hits her with the kendo stuck. Then he hits Dreamer with it. Then he grabs a chair, but Dreamer dodges and hits him with the stick. Then Tommy starts tossing shit into the ring and tosses Ray in too.

Tommy comes off the second rope with a kendo stick. Ray staggers around in the ring while Tommy gets an inflatable doll out from under the ring. He hits Ray with a trash can and Ray falls into the inflatable doll in the 69 position. This I guess is funny to some people or something. Then he splashes Ray on the dummy. Tommy goes up top, Ray no sells everything and hits Tommy with a trash can lid and hits a superplex. Ray then elbows the inflatable doll and tosses it outside the ring. Okay, now THAT was kinda funny.

Ray goes for the Bubba-bomb, but Dreamer reverses and hits a DDT. 2 count. Tommy goes outside and grabs a table. Dreamer tries to piledrive Ray into the table, but Ray reverses and hits a back-body drop before braining Dreamer with the trash can. Crowd starts chanting for D-Von. Ray picks up Dreamer and tries to put him into the table, Tommy struggles to escape but eats a big boot by Ray that gets him 2. Ray grabs the kendo stick and starts giving him shots. Crowd starts chanting for Dreamer. Ray grabs a mic and starts yelling at Tommy while he kicks his ass some more. Ray is a really great heel on the mic since this transition of his.

He says “this is for you, D-Von!” before he’s about to powerbomb Dreamer through the table. D-Von’s music hits, and D-Von’s kids come out, one in a neckbrace. This distracts Ray so D-Von can slide into the ring, and he and Tommy hit a 3D. Very nice touch.

Winner: Tommy Dreamer

Decent opener, crowd was really into it. You can say what you want about this feud, but they’ve given it some good heat.

Christy Hemme is with The Beautiful People. The Ultimate Warrior just wants to be friends. Velvet Sky doesn’t understand this since someone probably told her about Winter considering stabbing her with scissors in the locker room a couple weeks ago. Angelina just walks off. Velvet is this closed to letting a “what the fuck” slip, but stops herself.

TNA Knockout Tag Team Championship Match
Angelina Love & Winter .vs. Sarita & Rosita

Sarita has the mic. Basically, she’s from Mexico so we shouldn’t like her. Winter comes out blindfolded. I guess Angelina is just cool with Winter stalking her and possibly stabbing her best friend? That’s what I’m getting out of this.

This was a pretty bad match. I started recapping it, I really did. But this was just painfully bad. I’m sorry. I tried. If any of these girls can wrestle, they’re not showing it. All you need to know is that Velvet tried to help out Winter when the evil Mexicans tried to cheat. But it went bad and it cost them the match.

Winners & New TNA Knockout Tag Team Champions: Sarita & Rosita

Well, I’m guessing my fantasy booker will be busy.

Jeff Jarrett & Karen are in Orlando at Disneyland. Jeff is having a great time. Karen doesn’t seem too happy about the whole thing. The kids are having fun though. Jarrett is really babbling, and he wants to go on more rides. Karen wants to have sex. But Jeff and the kids are having too much fun. Karen tries once more to let Jeff know that she wants to have sex. But Jeff Jarrett apparently just wants to have pizza apparently. So he doesn’t want to have sex with Karen anymore? I don’t get it. On the other hand, if they don’t have sex, they won’t be able to drag this out until it hits a pregnancy angle, so I guess I like it.

Christy Hemme is talking to Matt Morgan. I don’t recap Matt Morgan promos.

First Blood Match
Hernandez .vs. Matt Morgan

I don’t understand why this is a First Blood match. Morgan gets some pucnhes in on Hernandez. Then kicks. He’s exhausted his moveset very early, so he starts stepping on Hernandez. Then he moves him into the corner and starts elbowing him. NEW MOVE!!! Then he hits a clotheslines and Hernandez goes outside. Morgan gives chase, but Hernandez tosses Morgan into the steps. Morgan no-sells this and tosses Hernandez back into the steps. Dude, Matt Morgan is terrible. Morgan gets in the ring and pulls off a turnbuckle pad, so Hernandez gets in the ring and spears him. Hernandez goes under the ring and gets a kendo stick and breaks it in two, and starts throttling Morgan with it. Then he tries to STAB him with it.

The crowd is chanting “we want blood!” These fans are brutal! Hernandez runs Morgan’s face across the rope and then scratches his back. Morgan sells the SHIT out of back scratches. Hernandez runs the ropes, and Morgan hits a sidewalk slam. As he’s getting up, he eats a shoulderblock from Hernandez. See, he can no-sell too. Hernandez tosses Morgan into the corner, then hits a running shoulder. Morgan is down. Hernandez starts stomping him, so Morgan htis up and spins around and hits a clothesline. Matt Morgan goes all Randy Orton on the mat, and punches down Hernandez a few times. Then he sandwiches Hernandez in the corner and gives him a fallaway slam.

This is still going? Morgan goes to get the broken stick that Hernandez used. Hernandez begs off, but kicks him in the gut and does a really cool flip onto the top rope, that is ruined when Morgan runs over and tosses him off the rope. ONE guy is chanting for Morgan, some fat guy in a Dr. Seuss hat. Hernandez is awesome. It’s a shame he’s having to work with and try to make Matt Morgan look good. Then something wierd happens. A fan charges the ring. I’m not sure what he was doing, but the ref is all over him, and Morgan stomps him a few times. Hernandez tries to hit Morgan with a chain, but Morgan blocks and hits Hernandez. Hernandez is hiding his face, possibly bleeding, but the ref is now down and outside for some reason.

Hernandez then rubs blood on Morgan and runs into the corner. A new ref comes into the ring, and sees the blood, and rings the bell despite Matt Morgan clearly not having an open cut. Hernandez bails, and it turns out he’s not bleeding. He was faking.

Winner: Hernandez

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I’m sorry. That’s fucking retarded.

Christy Hemme is talking to those Generation ME kids. It’s one of their birthdays, so apparently the other one came up with the idea that the birthday one should win the Ultimate X Match because it’s his birthday. Except that the other one doesn’t know what he’s talking about. No idea what they were going for here.

Jeremy Borash is talking to Kaz. I like Kaz, and Kaz can cut a good promo. This was not one of those promos. Charlie Sheen is going to be the next overquoted, hackneyd shit quote that every douchebag will say and think he’s funny.

Robbie E and Cookie are talking in front of some kind of trailer. I don’t know about what. I guess Cookie is upset that Robbie is getting something out of the trailer? That’s the only thing I can guess. I do know that Cookie wants vodka apparently.

Ultimate X Match For The TNA X-Division Championship
Kazaraian .vs. Robbie E (w/ Cookie) .vs. Max Buck .vs. Jeremy Buck

I’m expecting some crazy shit here. The only thing that sucks about these matches are trying to recap them and finding names for shit that you’ve never seen before. Cookie jumps in the ring and tries to grab Kaz for some reason, but Generation ME toss Robbie out of the ring, and then they double-team Kaz. One tosses the other into a dropkick, then they charge Kaz but he does that matrix turnbuckle thing, and springboards ONTO the X cable. Holy shit. They pull him down, and he hits a dropkick on one of the ME kids. Robbie E is back in, and he’s kicking and stomping Kaz. Cookie is screaming. Robbie E tosses Cookie out of the ring. Max slides into the ring and jumps on the X cable, but Robbie pulls him down and knocks them both out of the ring.

Robbie then makes his way up to the cable. Kaz is up behind him, and crawls up behind him. He hits a few kicks, and Robbie falls. Kaz falls from the cable with a legdrop on Robbie. Jeremy comes in, hits a rough kick and a springboard faceplant. (Hey, I’m trying, these moves are tough to make up names for.) Max then tells Jeremy that he’s going to go get the belt. Jeremy carries him, until Robbie hits a neckbreaker on Jeremy, and Max gets turned inside out by a Kaz clothesline. Kaz then hits some punches on Robbie, but Robbie reverses and hits punches because that’s all he has. Robbie reverses the Fade To Black, but gets tossed out of the ring and hits his head on the steps which are in the middle of the ring because they have the support structures for the cable where the steps would normally be.

Kaz hits a dive to the outside on Robbie. Max comes and hits a slider kick on both of them. Then Max does a very choreographed but nonetheless cool move where he SHOOTS his brother off his legs, onto the ropes, and into a moonsault onto the other guys. He doesn’t climb the rope though for some reason, allowing Kaz to get back into the ring. Kaz gets some good shots off, but Max hits an intense dropkick to Kaz. Jeremy starts stomping Kaz while Max goes for the belt again. Kaz reverses and pulls Max down, but ME give him a double dropkick and hit a baseball slide on Robbie. Didn’t these kids just no-show a PPV? Max tries to climb the cables, but he falls. Jeremy sort of springboards onto the rope to block Kaz from getting on the cables, but he and Kaz both fall. Kaz then swings Max from the cables, catches him on the way down, and hits an RKO-like move.

Robbie is on the outside, and he gets a cheap shot on Kaz. he then goes to climb the cable, but Max catches him and pulls him down. Robbie tosses him into the corner, but Max shoots off the turnbuckle, twists, and swings into a neckbreaker. Very impressive. Max then climbs the rope, but Kaz dives him and Max’s head goes THROUGH the support structure. Jeremy goes to work on Kaz, putting him on the second rope, which is the idea place to climb the cable – dumbass. Jeremy goes after Kaz, but Robbie comes from under them and htis a tower of doom spot with Kaz eating the worst of it. For some reason this completely destroys Robbie, and he’s down, and Kaz and Jeremy are up before he is. Hah. Robbie sucks.

Kaz goes after Robbie, and hits the fade to black. Jeremy grabs Kaz from behind and hits a stiff elbow, followed by a high spinning roundhouse kick. Jeremy was going to go for the belt off the rope, but Kaz hits a high kick. Kaz goes up and hits a move that I cannot name, sort of like a high-collar exploder combo suplex off the top. It was SICK. Kaz and Robbie are both clawing for the belt now. Gen ME take down Robbie with a double kick. Then they swing Kazarian until he comes flying of the cable. Jeremy goes for the cable. Max pulls him down. IT’S HIS BIRTHDAY DAMMIT!!! Jeremy is not into this whole thing.

Both kids hit their respective corners and yell at each other, then both guys start going for the belt. They tangle up at the top. They start slapping each other while hanging from the cable. Kaz goes all the way UP the support structure, as one of the kids falls, and Robbie flattens the other one with a ladder. Kaz is now walking the tightrope hanging onto the support structure. Robbie is is climbing the ladder. They’re both grabbing for the belt. Kaz gets it, then kicks Robbie off the rope.

Winner And Still TNA X-Division Champion: Kazarian

Kaz has a good celebration. People are stoked. 2 good matches, 2 crappy matches. Not bad.

The Jarrett family is eating pizza. Karen is complaining. Jarrett bought a ball for one of his kids, as well as some pizza. Karen is still horny. Jeff is tired of fucking her apparently.

Beer Money is talking to Christy Hemme. They’re pretty excited. They make Christy Hemme bend over. She’s not happy about this. So they talk about respect and Ink Inc. instead. Odd segue.

The illustrious Ink Inc. / Beer Money feud is good enough for a 2-minute long video package apparently.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match
Beer Money Inc .vs. Ink Inc.

They really tried to give this a “big match” feel. That’s a good thing. But this match is not that. Has anyone EVER liked Shannon Moore? Does ANYONE like this “DILLIGAF” shit? I sure hope not. Storm and Neal start out, and neither can get the advantage until Storm hits a neckbreaker, but Neal reverses a whip and hits a moonsault for a 2. Both men shake hands and tag their partners. Roode and Moore lock up, and Roode muscles Shannon to the ground but Shannon reverses into an armlock. People are chanting for both Shannon and Roode. I guess that answers my earlier question. Roode sends Shannon off the ropes and hits a spinning backbreaker. Shannon tags Neal and they try a double-team, but Roode powerslams Neal for 2.

Storm tags in, Shannon tags back in, and Shannon takes down Storm and stomps him, and hits a sleeper. Storm powers out, but Shannon cuts him off and tags Neal. Neal hits a swinging neckbreaker and yells something before going for a sleeper. Storm powers out again, but falls into Ink Inc’s corner. Neal takes control again and hits a back elbow. Shannon tags in and tosses Storm into the corner. He tries a bronco buster (really?) and crotches himself when Storm moves. Neal and Roode tag their partners and trade punches. Roode comes off with a flying clothesline followed by a couple running ones, then hits a back drop. Roode hits a spinebuster, and gets 2.

Beer Money hits a sick double team that has Roode lift a guy up into a kind of codebreaker move from Storm. But Shannon comes in and hits a couple hurricanranas while Beer Money sit there and take it. Crowd isn’t that into this. Shannon gets a high kick and a moonsault, then a bulldog on Roode. Shannon is just totally dominating both these guys by himself. Jesse eventually gets in the ring, and Roode tosses Jesse into the corner where Shannon is climbing. Roode climbs the ropes behind him, and Shannon elbows him off. Storm tries the same but gets elbowed off as well, and eats a moonsault from Shannon. Roode hits a wicked spinebuster that only gets 2. Why is Shannon Superman all of a sudden?

Roode goes for Shannon, but gets caught from behing by Neal, until Storm kicks Neal in the head. Beer Money hits a double-suplex on Shannon. Beer Money go into their finish, and go for it on Shannon but Jesse breaks it up with a spear. Neal hits a neckbreaker followed by our second RKO of the night from Shannon. This gets 2. Shannon goes for his stupid book. Jesse is trying to stop him, telling him they don’t win that way. This allows Storm to hit a superkick, Roode to hit a spinebuster, and afterwards they hit Shannon with the Last Call for the pin.

Winners & Still TNA World Tag Team Champions: Beer Money Inc.

Beer Money show some respect for Jesse, who goes to help Shannon. Then Shannon takes a drink of Storm’s beer and spits it in his face. Both Beer Money and Jesse are pissed at Shannon. Jesse goes after Shannon, and tells him to “harden up” like 60 times on their way up the ramp. Shannon is terrible. AND they’re going with him as a singles heel now? Fuck.

Ric Flair and Matt Hardy is in the back. Ric calls Matt “Cold Blood“. Fuck, I guess I’m not done with that after all. Anyway, Matt talks about how Cold Blooded he is and then talks about unicorns and rainbows. I’m not making that up. Ric Flair gives a Whoo.

AJ Styles .vs. Cold Blood

They lock up, and AJ gets the upper hand. AJ pounds Matt in the corner. Matt sends AJ into the corner, but AJ hits a shoulderblock. AJ goes for a suplex, but Matt blocks, ao AJ slides into a headlock and takes Matt down to the mat. AJ goes off the rope, but Matt elbows him. Matt goes off the ropes, AJ dodges a few moves, then hits a flipping dropkick very solidly. Matt cheapshots from the apron, but AJ brings him in before kicking his ass back outside. AJ goes for a dive, but Flair distracts him long enough for Matt to hit a clothesline for a 1-count. Matt bodyslams AJ, then hits an elbow drop. People are chanting for AJ AND Hardy. This is one crazy crowd tonight. Matt rolls out of the ring, AJ springboards to the apron and hits a solid moonsault. Crazy AJ chants now.

AJ punches Matt a few times, and Matt throws him into the apron. Matt picks up AJ, and runs him shoulder-first into the post. Matt rolls into the ring, and Flair stalks AJ before Hardy rolls back out and punches AJ down some more. Matt then tosses AJ into the guardrail, but AJ slides UNDER THE GUARDRAIL, springs back onto it and launches himself at Hardy. Wow, that was really cool. AJ goes for a German suplex inside the ring, but Matt blocks before using momentum to send AJ into the turnbuckle. Matt gives AJ a couple elbows, then tosses him outside the ring to get tossed and chopped by Flair. Flair then threatens fans. Then Flair threatens the ref. Then Matt tosses AJ back into the ring and gives him that leg-spring-into-therope-choke move. (Technical wrestling term.)

Matt goes for what Mike Tenay calls an double underhook bearhug. It doesn’t make a lot of sense. There’s no reason AJ couldn’t just call. AJ just sort of reverses it into a pin for 2. Hardy doesn’t let go of the hold but does get his foot on the ropes. Good chants for AJ now. AJ powers Hardy into the corner, but Hardy lifts him up and gives him a snake-eyes and a side neckbreaker. Matt then chokes AJ on the rope, then Flair clutches AJ’s crotch while AJ screams in pain. Flair then threatens fans again. Wow, Flair is just insane now. Matt picks up AJ, and hits another weird “submission”. AJ is selling it well, but I don’t see it all that well. Whatever, what do I know, I’ve never been in the hold. AJ does power up and give Hardy some gut shots, and then some chops. AJ tosses Hardy off the ropes, both dodge a few moves, then they run into each other and AJ gives Hardy a pele.

Both men slow to get up, and they hit some punches. AJ sends Hardy into the ropes and hits a hard clothesline, followed by another and a spinkick. AJ then hits a SICK falling neckbreaker onto his knees for a 2. AJ goes up top, he jumps but Hardy dodges and hits a Side Effect for 2. Matt Hardy goes to the second rope, and hits a standing elbow? That’s weak, but not bad match so far. Matt goes for a Twist Of Hate, which AJ turns into a backslide and gets 2. Both men get up, and AJ hits a clothesline. AJ goes for a Styles Clash, but Hardy counters into a whiplash-spinebuster thing? (I told you I suck at move names, remember?) This gets Matt 2. Matt charges, AJ hits an elbow. AJ botches his springboard death drop and tries to cover as a pin, but Flair has the ref distracted.

AJ goes for Flair, Flair pokes him into the eye. Hardy is all over AJ but AJ hits a pele on Flair. This allows Matt to hit a DDT on AJ. Nice moonsault from Hardy gets him 2. Hardy goes back to the rope, AJ hits a pele from the mat which still hits Hardy in the head. Very sweet. AJ hits the SPIRAL TAP off the top rope. Flair tries to block the count and can’t. Pin.

Winner: AJ Styles

Very decent match. Far better than I think Hardy has been in a LONG time. AJ looked like a million bucks. After the match, AJ goes and squeezes Flair’s balls. Nice touch.

We’re back at the honeymoon. Karen has had it. She doesn’t like family vacations. Jarrett says he wants Kurt Angle to be here. I’ve run out of things to say. This is so fucked. Then they get doused by a fountain.

Christy is talking to Ken Anderson. I don’t recap Ken Anderson promos.

In the video package, Rob Van Dam suggests that Ken Anderson may have stolen his whole schtick from someone. I wonder who he mea…

#1 Contenders Match
Stone Cold Ken Anderson .vs. Rob Van Dam

Rob Van Dam’s music is terrible. How is it possible they haven’t fixed that yet? Ken Anderson’s intro is not clever. They lock up, and flip over each other a bit. Neither man can get control. Crowd has dueling chants going. They jockey for position again. Eventually Anderson hits a snapare that RVD gets into headscissors that Anderson reverses, that RVD reverses, that Anderson reverses and aventually Anderson shoulderblocks RVD. RVD messes up a leapfrog and Anderson tosses him into the ropes. Boot to the neck of RVD, and then he gets choked on the ropes. Anderson with some extremely slow offense, takes RVD into a buckle eventually. RVD misses an irish whip and kicks Anderson in the face and hits some shoulderblocks. Van Dam with a spring kick followed by an early Rolling Thunder. Anderson slides outside and RVD hits a baseball slide and a cross-body to the outside. Van Dam then puts Anderson on the guardrail and MISSES the corkscrew legdrop, and his leg gets stuck in the rail. OUCH. That never happens.

Anderson wraps RVD’s leg around the post, then just slowly kicks him some more. Anderson is way over-rated. Anderson goes into a single-leg boston crab. He puts RVD in the ropes, and gives the one leg a dropkick. Anderson tries to be funny on RVD, but to no avail. Anderson then takes RVD’s leg out from behind. 2 count. Vam Dam eventually hits some kicks and a couple clotheslines, follwed by a superkick. Anderson tries to counter with a Mic Check, but RVD grabs the ropes and Anderson hits the mat. RVD with a headlock which Anderson turns into a backdrop suplex. Anderson with a clothesline and a back elbow and a spinning neckbreaker, which gets him 2.

Anderson does that one terrible move he does that’s not the Mic Check, and it gets 2. Ugh. Then they hit each other with a clothesline. Chants for RVD. They get up and exchange punches, then RVD tosses Anderson into the corner and hits shoulderblocks, then does that backflip for no reason and charges in. They bump heads, and both guys are down. I like Rob Van Dam, and backflips are fine when they’re attached to a move. But doing it for no reason is just asking to get your ass kicked and it makes you look like a mongoloid. Anderson misses a clothesline, Van Dam hits a running cross-body that takes Anderson to the outside. This is going kind of slow, and it’s kind of boring, but that last move was cool.

Vam Dam and Anderson fight up the ramp. Anderson hits the Mic Check on the ramp. Both guys get counted out.

Winner: None

Crowd is chanting “restart match”. Dudes get up and start glaring at each other. Tenay and Taz tell us that we’ll find out more information on the Number 1 Contender on Impact.

Jeff Hardy says that Sting was his idol and that he’s going to beat him. That’s the short version.

TNA World Heavyweight Title Match
Sting .vs. Jeff Hardy

Eric Bischoff comes out at the start of the match. He says there is a change in plans, since the network put the screws to them on 03.03.2011 and Hardy wasn’t able to prep for Sting. Bischoff tries to get Sting to shake his hand. Sting won’t do it. Bischoff talked to Hogan (yeah, he isn’t there). He says that this is going to be a no-DQ match, because that’s what Hardy has prepared for. Sting hits Bischoff. Match starts, and Sting is in control with Hardy begging off.

Sting hits a Scorpion Death Drop and pins about a minute in.

Winner And Still TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Sting

Wow, what the shit was that fuck all about?

It doesn’t take the fans to completely turn on this once they realize they’re not re-starting the match. They start to chant “bullshit” and Sting says “I AGREE!” on the way up the ramp.

Well, that was unexpected. They MUST have fucked up, because there was no reason to make it a NO-DQ if that was their actual plan, AND they’re now running a video package like immediately afterwards that highlights the PPV. Reeks of a stalling tactic. Do they have an after-plan for when the video package is over?

Nope. Credits are running. We’re done. So… yeah, take it for what it’s worth. How and ever, it’s over. I have to say that I was not minding the PPV until that happened. AJ’s match was good. Ultimate X was good. Bully Ray and D-Von was good. Beer Money match was not too bad. Two matches we’re terrible, but they were the ones you knew were going to be terrible going in. Van Dam and Anderson was pretty slow and boring, and that main event… I don’t even know how to go about rating that. 

This is going to get them some SERIOUS backlash though, and that LAST thing TNA needed was to give people ANOTHER reason to think they’re a joke. This has been “That Being Said”.

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