Here we are. The dreaded episode that was spoiled this week. And how do we kick it off? By talking about how much that strap means to Christian, and how remarkable it was for him to win it. This is going to be a tough one…
And here he comes, toting his first Heavyweight belt. Cole is chattering on about something I’m not even pretending to listen to. He begins to speak, and says “I’ve been waiting 17 long years to do this!†and lifts the belt high above his head. Grinning ear to ear, he continues. He’s thanking everyone, and begins to get teary-eyed. He continues to talk about Edge, which naturally breaks my heart. Such a sweet moment…I feel like I need to go break someone’s spirit now.
Here to shit all over a good promo, Mark Henry enters. He wants a shot at the title, and the two mouth off at each other before someone even worse than Mark Henry enters…The Great Khali. And apparently that is all too random, so Randy comes out to balance it out. He too, wants a shot. Shots for everyone! So, Teddy Long comes out. He says he’ll leave it up to the WWE Universe…and now it makes sense. They chant his name, and Teddy one by one asks for their feedback. Essentially, they’re allowing the fans to give big a big “fuck you†to the two men, as it was obviously going to be Randy. This match will happen tonight. Shock!
Apparently we’ll get to watch Rock’s birthday celebration again. Cool.
Commercial.
Singh and Khali backstage, and they run into Jinder, who insults Singh for letting Khali wear that atrocious tutu.
Sheamus is entering…and I love his shirt! He looks very upset at they talk about his loss last week, and then Daniel Bryan enters. This should be fun.
Sheamus charges immediately, but it takes little time for Bryan’s legs to get charged up. Both men are outside the ring…and back in. Sort of. Huuuge backbreaker to Bryan as we go to…
Commercial.
Come back and another backbreaker, this time not as epic. His super pale chest is already very red, and a he delivers a graceful little spot, but Bryan isn’t out yet. Both me up in the corner, Sheamus is knocked down, Bryan to the top rope for a gravity defying dropkick. Some of Bryan’s famous kicks, before a solid one hits Sheamus in his head. Momentum ends quickly, and Sheamus regains the control. Some attempts from both men before the Labell Lock is locked in, but he reaches the ropes and rolls out. Daniel charges, but Sheamus hits the Brogue kick from outside the ring. He crawls in, hits another, and that does it.
Grade: C+
I feel like both men were held back, or just choked on the hype. It wasn’t as great as it should have been, which is difficult to say. I love these two immensely, so I’m curious as to why it was only “okayâ€. But, entertaining nonetheless.
Commercial.
And here comes Cody! Suited up, bags and minions in tow. He’s complaining about Rey’s use of a “mist†last week, but seems pleased that Rey’s “true colors†showed. He then goes on to celebrate Rey’s move to Raw. So, who will Cody pick on now? The bags are passed out once more, claiming that the audience’s ugliness offends him.
On a side note, Josh seems to actually loathe when Cole talks, as every time he does he gives the “…anyway…†face. And I love it.
Big Show on his way out, with his souvenir penny belt. Next out, Big Zeke with all the Corre Kids behind him. As the camera zooms in on Barrett and co., Kane makes his big entrance to back up Show if need be. I’m already bored.
Commercial.
Here we go. Both men lock up, and Zeke manages to shove Show off. BUT, not for long as he takes Zeke down. Zeke tosses Show over him almost effortlessly. Another big slam on Show, cover, for two. Show drops Zeke hard, but both men are down, recovering. Corre swarms the side of the ring when Show gets the upper hand, and Kane rushed over to neutralize. Show jumps down to help, clearing everyone, but is struck once he re-enters the ring, allowing Big Zeke to win.
Grade: C-
I was actually surprised that Zeke was able to really make it interesting between the two. Most people just flail around as Show manhandles them until graciously, they end it. But Zeke was almost an equal partner. Quite interesting to see. But not really.
Commercial.
Everyone watched Rock’s celebration on Raw, right? And Superstars? I saw it once, and that was enough for me, so if you’re really dying to know what happened, just look it up. Spoiler alert: it’s not very interesting.
Oh, and buy the DX DVD.
Commercial.
Time for a rewind. OH NO! Michelle and Layla’s match last week. So sad. What’s funny is my sister and I have been compared to these two, because we often speak in unison (accidentally, of course). So the entire match, we were talking shit to each other about who would win.
Anyway. Layla is entering now. Good to hear she still has that song. Oh no, Alicia Fox is entering now. This will be bad.
The women circle each other, lock up. Alicia backs her into the corner, but Layla takes no time at all to finish her off.
Grade: F
Laughter hits, sending happy, glorious chills up my arms. What does that mean? Kharma, of course. She makes her way down the ramp, and into the ring. Layla dashes off, and in a fit of bravery, Alicia tries to attack. Kharma laughs at her before completely tearing her apart. This is the best Alicia has looked…perhaps she’s improving? Now, time to work on her hair.
Corre backstage, heading to the locker room to confront Zeke. Time for a fight! Zeke strikes Wade, but the Nexus-turned-Corre members overpower him, slamming suitcases onto his face and leaving him a hot mess on the floor.
Commercial.
Recap of what just happened, and I hear some familiar music…CHAVO! Chavo is sitting with Josh and Booker. I love it. Sin Cara enters now, more happiness. Which means they’ll probably kill it with Swagger or something. Oh, that works. Tyson Kidd enters next.
First can I say that I like the way they keep the lights when Cara wrestles…what the hell was that! Lots of flips and turns from Cara, and both are outside the ring. The abuse continues on Kidd as they roll in. Cara begins to climb in but is sent flying by Kidd, who is taking control. Both back in, attempted cover that fails. Cara fired up, huge crossbody from the top rope, but stops short. Kidd clutches hold, climbs the top ropes, but is halted by a hard kick. Both men to the top rope…huge spot! And it’s over.
Grade: B+
Tyson Kidd and Sin Cara are soul mates. They looked amazing together and truly meshed. Everything was fast-paced, yet clean. And the end…oh boy. Here’s hoping to many more just like it.
Suddenly, Chavo is staring Cara down in the ring. They shake hands, forehead to forehead, and his music cues up once more.
Grisham was talking to Teddy Long, but I spaced out, and didn’t listen. It was sandwiched between long videos, so, who cares.
Commercial.
Main event time! Randy out first, then Christian. Time to take a deep breath…
Here we go. Both men charge after the bell rings, back and forth they battle. Randy goes for his DDT, but Christian instead tosses him out of the ring. Then sends him flying after a baseball slide. Christian flings himself at Randy, who moves quickly, sending Christian tumbling to the ground.
Commercial.
Annnd we’re back. Randy is stomping on Christian. Slowly, he tears Christian apart. After quite a bit of abuse, Christian slowly rallies, but both are knocked hard on their asses outside the ring.
ANOTHER commercial??
Both are in the ring when we come back. It appears that when the men were tumbling out of the ring, Randy’s big boot landed hard on Christian’s shoulder. Well, regardless, Christian has Randy in his palms…just kidding, Randy drops him hard. Both up, fighting back and forth, trading punches and kicks, before Christian eats a drop kick, and Orton gets fired up. But, Christian gets fired up too. Orton tries to send Christian out of the ring, but he lands gracefully. He scales to the top rope, crossbody to Orton…cover for two. Again to the top, big shoulder. He charges, but a scoop slam kills that momentum. Randy frustrated as Christian kicks out at two. Christian goes for Killswitch, but Randy fights out. DDT from Randy, for another two-count. Christian strikes once more, but Randy kicks out. The tension is building. Suddenly Randy is back, punching the mat. Christian gets up slowly, RKO fails, Killswitch fails, Christian goes for another crossbody but is caught mid-air for an RKO, and we have a new champ.
Grade: N/A
I don’t want to rate this match, as I have mixed feelings about it. Let’s take a good look at this, as I’ve had all week to think about it. (Forgive me if any of this is a broken record. I’ve been so busy at work, I haven’t had time to read the reactions to this.) First and foremost, it sucks that Christian lost it so quickly. But with Alberto moved abruptly to Raw, Christian, as champ, needs a feud. Mr. Over needs to be on top, that’s obvious. So then, what? We turn Christian heel if we want him to stay in this scene. But, what would piss the quintessential fan favorite, Christian, off enough to do that? Losing his first world title, the thing he worked so hard to get. And after five days. Boom, instant feud between the two. Randy wants to keep it, and Christian wants it back. He’s still in the main event scene, still battling, and will be champion again. It makes sense, and when you really consider it, it makes you less angry. This is just a shocking, drastic event that ignites reaction from the fans, and in that sense it’s not as infuriating. And look, it did its job. Aren’t you all still talking about it?
Credits roll.
