Ten Thoughts on… It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Frank’s Pretty Woman [Episode 7.1]

  1. The gang wants a bar dog which is immediately forgotten as Frank wants to marry a whore, who’s fully insane and having massively dirty sex with him.

 

  1. Meanwhile, Mack got like 50 lbs. heavier and found the whore blowing a bus driver in the alley.  They decide the best bet is to Pretty Woman the whore, but either way Frank is proposing “to that dirty whoer.”

 

  1. Sweet Dee is going to help the whore, while Dennis decides to help Mack lose the weight since he’s carrying trashbags full of Mexican food.  As they turn around, the whore’s smoking crack.

 

  1. Charlie signed Frank up for a blind date, saying that Charlie’s a millionaire, and he’s going to hook the girl up with Frank, his limo driver… of course, a great idea.

 

  1. Dennis goes through multiple ways of helping Mack try and lose the weight.  We start with a blood test, which turns out everything is messed up for Dennis, but Mack has diabetes, so he spends the rest of the episode of sticking needles in his fat belly.  They decide to eat a ton of chimichangas and then go smoke crack… Dennis likes crack, and get Mack to try, “No restrictions!  Do you want some insulin?”

 

  1. Sweet Dee takes the whore, Roxy, shopping, and they end up dealing with a gay worker at the store who doesn’t think they can afford the $500 jacket, but Roxy insists it feels like dickskin.  Roxy whips out the money for the manager and the clerk is called to the office.  Roxy is called by Tiger Woods and just as Dee thinks her life is glamorous, Roxy asks her, “Now help me dig those crack rocks out my ass.” Classy.

 

  1. Charlie, dressed as a rich cowboy, and Frank, take the girl out, but keeps talking about Frank, not his money, but all Frank cares about are eggs.  All of this is irrelevant, as Charlie pukes all blood everywhere and we hit a new, horribly hilarious low. Apparently Charlie had a ton of blood capsules to cough blood later, which makes him sick, hence the puking.

 

  1. Dee notes that Tiger Woods isn’t really Tiger Woods, but since he pays $500 for rubbing her feet, Roxy doesn’t care.  Dee, of course, ends up getting paid for a foot rub and wants to be a foot girl.

 

  1. Everyone meets up so Frank can propose, though Dennis and Mack really mostly want crack.  Frank tries to rhyme a proposal, then Roxy freaks out and drops dead.  Since Dee is on crack and Charlie is covered in blood, they just leave her in the hall as Pretty Woman plays in the background.  Once more, classy. “Roxy, god bless you, you were a good whore.  Not only my crank, but my heart.  You were a good whore, and I’m gonna miss you.”  Thank you, Frank.

 

  1. This show keeps hitting hilariously insane new lows.  From obesity to diabetes to half the regular cast using crack – there’s nothing quite like it – 8/10.

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