The Bachelor – Episode 16-5 Review – “Rude/Nude”

This week on The Bachelor Ben and his 11 girlfriends traveled to Puerto Rico, and he said hasta la vista baby to two women. There’s a lot to talk about, so let’s get to it!

Kiss The Rain

First Ben had a one-on-one date with Nicki, the divorced dental hygienist we’ve barely seen. A few of the girls gave poor Nicki some serious bitchface when Chris Harrison announced the date. Come on guys, can’t you just fake a smile?

Nicki seems nice and normal enough, but the chemistry was just so-so. The plan for the date was for Ben and Nicki to wander around San Juan, soaking up the sights. And then it started to pour. Cue and opportunity to show Ben how laid back and easy going you are! Instead of nipping into a nearby shop, the couple ran around in the rain pretending to look for shelter…barefoot. Cue this text from my boyfriend:

“THEY ARE WALKING BAREFOOT IN A TROPICAL COUNTRY IN A RAINSTORM? I hope they got their Twinrix shots…”

Thank god Rob and I found each other, because I can only assume that Ben Flajnik would find me too uptight and inflexible because I’d refuse to take my shoes off. Seriously, gross. 

Since The Bachelor once again sprung for tickets to a tropical destination in the off-season, Ben and Nicki went into a store to buy themselves dry clothes, trying to look as “local” as possible. For Ben that meant all white linen clothing, and for Nicki that meant a silk patterned dress that was just begging for a belt. Nicki thought Ben looked “mooey mooey mooey mooey caliente”, whatever that means. Then the couple just happened to “stumble upon” a wedding – what a great opportunity to talk about Nicki’s divorce! That was obviously a coincidence, right? (Boyfriend suggested it might be the finale of The Bachelor: Puetro Rico Edition, but I had to remind him that couples from these shows rarely make it down the aisle.)

Over dinner, Nicki “opened up” more to Ben, which is his absolute favorite thing. He likes opening up the way I like shoes, or television, or cheese. They talked about her divorce – she’s 26 and was married for three years – and then he gave her the date rose. They made out, and I was reminded of how much I hate watching Ben kiss people. So. Much. Unnecessary. Tongue.

Diamonds Aren’t Every Girl’s Best Friend

Group date time! Lucky ladies Lindzi, Courtney, Jennifer, Kacie B., Emily, Rachel, Casey S., Jamie, and Blakeley got to join Ben for a romantic game of baseball. Yeah. Basically, it was an opportunity for everyone to dress up in skimpy baseball outfits (Oh, how I wish they’d gone for the A League of Their Own looks instead) and either show off their athleticism or feel embarrassed.

After practicing a little, the women were divided into two teams. Whoever won a baseball game would get to continue the date on the beach that night. Obviously, I was rooting for Team Blakeley, which consisted of the competitive and surprisingly good VIP cocktail waitress, Emily, Jennifer and Rachel. Unfortunately, they couldn’t pull off the win and instead Courtney, Kacie B., Casey S., some chick I’ve never heard of called Jamie and played-both-ways Lindzi got to stick around.

Courtney was in uber-bitch mode the whole time, saying “Who knew the stripper could play baseball?”, but you have to give her credit for referencing my favorite line from A League of Their Own. I hate her, but she can be funny.

During the latter half of the group date, Ben confided in Kacie that no one ever loves him, and then gave her the date rose so that maybe she would. This didn’t bother Courtney, who had other plans in mind. Even though Kacie is the only woman she sees as even slight competition, “She’s really cute with her baton twirling, but she just reminds me of a
little girl. And I think that Ben needs a woman.” Oh, Courtney. Ask Michelle Money how the “you need a woman” argument worked out for her. Courtney took Ben down to the beach and mentioned going swimming, but nothing would come of it until later.

Come Sail Away

Time for the second solo date! Ben takes Elyse out on a boat, and zero sparks fly. Not only that, but Elyse made mistake after mistake every time she opened her mouth. She quit her job and skipped her best friend’s wedding to come on the show – but no pressure or anything, Ben! She’s accomplished everything in life that she wants to. Oh, and she’s really sick of being single. But oh no – she’s not just here because she’s sick of being single and marriage is the next “accomplishment” she wants to knock off her list! No, that’s not it at all.

Sigh. Oh, Elyse. You really bombed.

Ben told Elyse that he didn’t think their relationship could get to the level of his others (guys, this is such a weird show when you think about it) and he sent her home. In a dinghy. Because it’s not humiliating enough already.

When the bellhop of doom arrived to take Elyse’s packed bag away, Courtney was “pleasantly surprised.” “Maybe she drank too much and the Jersey Shore came out,” she said to the other girls. And with that snide comment, Courtney was gone – waiting on the staircase near Ben’s room wearing a bathrobe and holding a couple wine glasses. Ugh, she is so Michelle Money 2.0! I won’t lie, I got some pleasure out of the fact that Courtney sounded kind of nervous and stumbled over her words. Still, Ben invited her in. Because he’s a dude.

Seriously though, does Courtney know how cheap and trashy she came off? She offered to draw him a bath or use the lotion she brought to give him a massage. Why not just list the price for a happy ending? How much, exactly, did the skinny-dipping experience cost? Ben felt conflicted about her proposition, but he’s a dude, so the two stripped naked and jumped in the ocean. What a class act!

Loose Lips

At the cocktail party the following evening, Ben admits that he feels “crappy” about skinny-dipping  with Courtney. So to ease his conscience, he gives extra attention to the other women. First, Blakeley drops a load of self-reflection in his lap, telling him how she’s finally realized that she deserves love, a good man, etc. Blakeley has grown on me, but I don’t know that she’s right for Ben. Next, Emily apologizes for bringing up her issues with Courtney at the previous rose ceremony, and tells Ben she regrets it. Good. Then she goes on to reiterate all of her opinions and feelings on the matter. Definitely not good. Not only could you tell from the look on Ben’s face that he wasn’t happy, but he flat-out told Emily to be careful. Uh-oh. I was sure Emily was done-zo.

In a surprising twist, Emily was not the woman sent home this week – because he shipped Elyse off, Ben only had to cut one girlfriend at the rose ceremony. That honor went to Jennifer, who Ben had declared as the best kisser in the house. Interesting – what do you think changed between their date, when he gave her a rose, and now? And who the hell is Jamie?

So, were you guys surprised to see Jennifer get the boot instead of Jamie, Casey (someone we also haven’t seen a lot of, but apparently soon will) or Emily? Are you intrigued by all the drama teased in the previews? Were you shocked that Courtney (barely) managed to keep her skinny-dipping excursion a secret from the other women? Tell me in the comments section!


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