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Let’s take a look at the card!
1. John Cena vs. Laurinaitis
2. WWE Champion CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan
3. World Heavyweight Championship Fatal 4-Way Match – Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton
4. WWE Divas Champion Layla vs. Beth Phoenix
5. WWE Tag Team Champions Kofi Kingston & R-Truth vs. Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler
6. Battle Royal
7. Cody Rhodes or Santino Marella vs. Battle Royal Winner
8. Zack Ryder vs. Kane
On the Preshow, Kane pinned Zack Ryder. Also, the contestants for the battle royal made their way to the ring while Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes and U.S. Santino Marella watched on from ringside.
MATCH #1: People Power Battle Royal, Winner gets choice of title match against Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes
Heath Slater is the first man eliminated. The Great Khali knocks Michael McGillicutty out next. JTG goes out next. Ezekiel Jackson gets eliminated, and Drew McIntyre soon follows. Khali tosses Hawkins and Reks, and then dumps Jinder Mahal to the floor. Darren Young, Titus O’Neil, and Miz throw Khali to the floor. Whichever Uso brother is left eliminates O’Neil. That reminds me that I missed the earlier Uso elimination. Young clotheslines the remaining Uso to the floor. Christian eliminates William Regal, and the crowd BOOS. Alex Riley tosses Young out. Miz eliminates Riley, and the final four is Miz, Tyson Kidd, Christian, and David Otunga. Miz and Otunga work together to eliminate Kidd. They work together to wear Christian down. Christian fights back and eliminates Otunga. Miz throws Christian to the apron, and Christian is able to survive his attack and throw Miz to the floor to win the match!
WINNER – Christian (*½)
Christian gestures at Santino Marella, seemingly indicating that he will challenge for the United States Championship later on.
Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Booker T are on commentary tonight. They put over the main event. This leads to a video package for John Cena versus John Laurinaitis.
MATCH #2: WWE Tag Team Championship Match – Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler with Vickie Guerrero vs. Kofi Kingston & R-Truth
Vickie comes out and gives a shout-out to the Board of Directors. She’s sucking up in case Laurinaitis gets fired tonight and she’s in line to replace him. Kingston & Truth have been the Champions since 4.30.12, and this is their first defense. Kingston and Truth are on fire in the early going. Ziggler cuts Kingston off, and now the challengers isolate Kingston in their half of the ring. Truth gets the hot tag and nails Swagger with the Detector. Ziggler gets a cheap shot and Swagger gets a near-fall. The challengers work on Truth for a while. Truth is able to come back with a tornado DDT on Swagger. Tags are made and Kingston is a house afire. Kingston hits Ziggler with the Boom Drop but misses Trouble in Paradise. Ziggler also avoids the SOS but Kingston hits a springboard cross body block for a two-count. Kingston throws Swagger to the floor and Ziggler hits a Rocker Dropper for two. Truth knocks Swagger back to the floor and hits a house show dive. Ziggler tries a Stinger Splash but Kingston cuts him out of the air with the Trouble in Paradise to get the win in about 13 minutes.
WINNERS – Kofi Kingston & R-Truth (***¼)
Backstage – Eve and David Otunga tell Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks to go into the crowd and confiscate all anti-John Laurinaitis signs.
MATCH #3: Divas Title Match – Layla vs. Beth Phoenix
Layla has been the Champion since 4.29.12, and this is her second defense. Beth mostly dominates and works on the knee. Layla fights back with a furry of offense but Beth cuts her off. Beth tries the Glam Slam but Layla avoids it and a series of reversals ends with Layla hitting a neckbreaker for the clean pin.
WINNER – Layla (**)
Backstage – Matt Striker gets a word with Randy Orton, who was cleanly pinned by the World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus last Friday on Smackdown. Orton says that it’s every man for himself and he’s not sorry about what he’s done. Jericho interrupts and says that he’s going to win the World Heavyweight Title. Orton disagrees.
MATCH #4: Four-Way Match for the World Heavyweight Championship – Alberto Del Rio w/ Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton vs. Sheamus
Sheamus has been the Champion since 4.1.12, and this is his second defense. He attacks Del Rio and Orton goes after Jericho. The babyfaces knock their respective heels to the floor and turn towards each other. Before any contact is made Jericho and Del Rio break them up and kick them to the floor. Out on the floor Orton and Sheamus throw Jericho and Del Rio into the crowd and go back to the ring to slug it out with each other. Jericho and Del Rio make it back in and they work together to thwart Orton and Sheamus. Of course that proves to be a temporary alliance and they start fighting each other to the boredom of the crowd. Momentum shifts back and forth, and Sheamus and Orton rejoin the match. Sheamus hits Del Rio with the shoulderblock off the top rope for two. He hits the Finlay Roll and signals for the Brogue Kick but Rodriguez distracts him and Del Rio hits the step-up enziguiri for two. Sheamus comes back and goes for Pale Justice but Del Rio blocks it and hits something I miss for a two-count. The champ comes right back with the forearm smashes and Jericho breaks it up with a dropkick. Orton gets in the ring too and starts throwing powerslams at everyone. He nails Sheamus with the rope-hung DDT for two. Del Rio grabs Orton in the Cross Armbreaker. That gets broken up and everyone starts going for finishers. Orton heaves Sheamus shoulder-first into the ring post, and then hit both Del Rio and Rodriguez with the rope-hung DDT at the same time. Jericho hits Orton with the Codebreaker and Orton rolls to the floor. Now Jericho goes after Sheamus and locks him in the Walls of Jericho. Orton breaks that up with an RKO and Del Rio breaks up the pin so Orton hits him with the RKO as well. Sheamus then hits Orton with the Brogue Kick. Jericho rolls Sheamus up for a two-count. Sheamus grabs Jericho with the White Noise to get the pin around 16 minutes in.
WINNER – Sheamus (***)
WrestleMania XXVIII is now on DVD.
Backstage – Cody Rhodes asks Eve how Mr. Laurinaitis is doing. Rhodes is glad that Christian is challenging Marella, so he can bring legitimacy to the U.S. Title the way Rhodes has legitimized the Intercontinental Title. He says it’s a good thing because he would have embarrassed Christian. Of course Christian walks by and hears that, and he changes his mind about who he wants to face. Christian vs. Cody Rhodes for the Intercontinental Title tonight!
MATCH #5: The Miz vs. Brodus Clay
Miz comes out and says that Brodus Clay is everything that’s wrong with WWE. He also says that he is the best dancer in WWE, and he will prove it right now. He dances the Thriller dance to his own music, and then Brodus’ music hits. Brodus dominates the early going with his size and power. They spill to the floor and Miz takes control. Miz goes up top and hits a double axe handle. He keeps Brodus on the ground and wears him down. It doesn’t last long and Clay hits the Splash to get the win.
WINNER – Brodus Clay (*½)
Kids get in the ring and dance with Brodus and the girls.
Please don’t try this at home.
Cur Hawkins and Tyler Reks are in the crowd confiscating signs.
MATCH #6: Intercontinental Championship Match – Cody Rhodes vs. Christian
Cody has been the Champion since 4.29.12, and this is his second defense. He dominates at first, and cuts off Christian’s first comeback attempt. Cody keeps Christian down and continually thwarts his comeback attempt. Eventually Christian comes back with a missile dropkick off the second rope. Christian misses a high cross body block off the top rope. Cody rolls him up for two. He follows with a moonsault for two. Christian makes the comeback, hits the Killswitch and wins the Intercontinental Title for a fourth time in about eight minutes.
WINNER – Christian (**¼)
The next pay-per-view is the return of No Way Out, on June 17.
Backstage – Josh Mathews gets a word with WWE Champion CM Punk, who got beat up by Daniel Bryan last Friday on Smackdown. Punk says that he and Bryan wrestling for the Championship on pay-per-view should have been enough, but Bryan had to go and make it personal. AJ interrupts and says the match will be fun to watch. Punk heads out.
MATCH #7: WWE Championship Match – CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan
Punk has been the Champion since 11.20.11, and this is his eleventh defense. The crowd chants dually as the competitors take it to the mat. Punk goes to work on the leg and uses a variety of submission holds to wear Bryan down. The match spills to the floor and Bryan dropkicks Punk into the crowd. Back in the ring Bryan hits a missile dropkick for a two-count. Bryan locks on a seated abdominal stretch. He follows that up with a surfboard. Punk fights out of it and hits a series of forearms for a one-count. Bryan hits a knee to the back but misses a second one. Punk hits a Perfect-plex for a two-count. The crowd again starts chants for both guys as Bryan comes back with a front facelock suplex. Bryan goes up top and hits the diving headbutt for two. Punk fights up and they both try a cross body block and slam into each other. Punk unleashes a flurry of offense but can’t put Bryan away. Bryan charges and gets dumped to the floor. Punk follows him out with a suicide dive! Back in the ring Bryan cuts Punk off with a dropkick to the ribs. Punk responds by going back to the leg and locking on the Figure-Four Leglock. Bryan makes it to the ropes. They both try a series of pinning combinations and get two-counts. Bryan lands a kick to the head for two. The crowd chants “this is awesome.” Bryan takes his knee pad down and unloads on the Champion. Punk comes back with the springboard clothesline. They trade finisher attempts and then Punk hits a knockout kick for two. Punk hits the Macho Elbow but can’t cover right away due to the injured ribs. Bryan kicks out at two and makes a comeback. Punk quickly cuts him off and tries the bulldog out of the corner, but Bryan blocks it and puts on the YES LOCK! The crowd is losing it. Punk rolls Bryan back onto his shoulders and gets the three-count, and then taps out right after. Punk and Bryan just got nearly 25 minutes on pay-per-view.
WINNER – CM Punk (****¼)
Backstage – Eve and David Otunga pass Teddy Long, who is happy to be here tonight. Long plants the seeds of dissension between Eve and Otunga, and makes them wonder if they could possibly be fired.
MATCH #8: Camacho w/ Hunico vs. Ryback
This is Camacho’s first singles match in WWE. I don’t foresee it going well for him. Camacho gets in a small amount of offense when Hunico interferes, but Ryback cuts him off and hits the Muscle Buster to get the pin.
WINNER – Ryback (½*)
MATCH #8: John Laurinaitis vs. John Cena
Michael Cole puts over Laurinaitis’ past accomplishments, even calling the Dynamic Dudes one of the greatest tag teams of all-time. Laurinaitis immediately tries to escape but Cena will have none of it. Cena abuses Laurinaitis in a variety of ways, including an airplane spin. Laurinaitis tumbles to the floor. Cena grabs the ring bell and rings it right in Laurinaitis’ ear a couple of times. He continues to assault and insult the GM. Back in the ring Laurinaitis asks for a handshake. Cena of course refuses. He goes to the floor and grabs the microphone. Cena says he’s about to put him in the STF, and that if he can last more than 10 seconds he’ll let go. For some reason Laurinaitis survives and Cena lets go. Cena puts the hold on again and Laurinaitis hangs on. Now Cena goes to the floor to get a drink of water. Cena takes a drink and then brings the bottle into the ring to dump on the GM. Now he grabs a fire extinguisher and douses Laurinaitis with it. Cena grabs a trash can and dumps it on Laurinaitis. Finally Laurinaitis attacks the arm. Back in the ring the GM uses a chair to attack Cena’s arm. Cena recovers and uses the chair. He signals for the Five Knuckle Shuffle and hits it with the chair. Laurinaitis recovers with a low blow. He starts leaving through the crowd, very slowly. The fired Big Show then appears from out of nowhere, dragging Laurinaitis back to the ring. Show has Laurinaitis by the throat and pushes him into the Attitude Adjustment. Of course Show then lays Cena out with a right hand. Gee, NO ONE saw that coming. After an eternity Laurinaitis crawls over to Cena and rolls him over to get the pin at a time of forever.
WINNER – John Laurinaitis (¼*)
