THE RAGER! Daniel Bryan is a Lightning Rod and CM Punk is Aaron Rodgers.

It feels like it’s been so long since I’ve done a full, regular RAGER. It’s probably because I’ve been having to do my traditional pay per view coverage for what feels like every other week seeing as how we’re in this weird scrunching of PPVs. Not saying that I might doing all that PPV coverage because then I don’t have to struggle in order to figure out a topic because the PPV is it’s own topic. But I feel like those rob all of you from the brilliance that leaks out of my brain and I’m here to service all of you…do with that information what you will.

I don’t want to go into another rant about how it’s hard to write about wrestling when there’s not necessarily anything to complain about because I’m sure you all have heard enough of that from me for a lifetime. But as cool and hip that it is to be the snarky wrestling writer that complains about the product, I still find myself with not a whole lot complain about. Sure, there are glaring spots in the shows each week that need improvement but I feel like that would always be the case.

I’m preaching to the choir here but I really don’t like the Los Matadores gimmick. Even when it comes to the music, the intro is really good, I think. It’s a little campy but I’ll allow it but then El Torito comes out and all of a sudden the music gets all jazzed up so that the kids know that they should cheer for them, right? Why is the music all funked? It goes completely against the character and clashes with the intro. Where are they from? They should be billed “from the forest moon of Planet Funk.” And then there’s the characters themselves, Diego and Fernando, guys with a very impressive move-set that I’ve always admired back in their Primo and Epico days (especially right before they got shelved). Honestly the characters resemble closely what WWE has premiered quite a bit lately. It’s something we’ve recently brought up on Classy Ring Attire (mostly thanks to Zork’s comment/question) where we went into detail about the Brodus Clay-type debuts. We get guys like Brodus Clay, Bray Wyatt and Fandango who seemingly accomplish what they’ve set out to do with the audience but then they essentially accomplish nothing in a storyline sense. I’m not sure what WWE is planning with Los Matadores (if anything at all), maybe they’ll go into a program against Real Americans, maybe they’ll flounder around and get pointless wins here and there until WWE finds a new toy.
I’m not even going to touch on El Torito, except for the fact that he’s already putting Sin Cara to shame. Not like that’s a tall order to fill seeing as how Sin Cara puts himself to shame on a nightly basis.

I don’t want to say that I’m starting dislike the Punk/Heyman program but I will say that I’m more lukewarm to it, which is far worse. The Ryback thing just doesn’t feel right but maybe that’s because he’s the substitution of a substitution and something got lost in the process. Punk does a really good job making matches look a lot better whenever he’s in the ring with someone that’s severely lacking, he’s the Aaron Rodgers of the WWE.

Obviously, I’m enjoying the pants off the Rhodes brothers story since returning at Battleground. That match was fantastic and have been maintaining momentum ever since. As I’ve stated on my 10 Thoughts on Raw a couple days ago, I could’ve done without Big Show being the cause for their championship win but I understand the overall story and how Shield still needs to be considered as almost impossible to beat.

Really, all things good right now in WWE is somehow linked to the HHH Regime story and, of course, that’s really because Daniel Bryan is just a lightening rod in terms of crowd reaction. Kids seem to start digging him, maybe not as much as they dig Cena but that’s nearly impossible. But add that response to those that were already cheering and you’ve got something amazing happening every week. Amazing to see how that all started with members of the Schrödinger IWC (I’m just assuming that it both does and does not exist to bypass resurrecting that dumb and pointless debate again) and over time, more and more people started to catch onto how amazing of a talent he really is. Sort of like how more people are catching onto just how fun Cesaro is to watch. This is coming from a guy that use to not be able to get past how weird Cesaro’s nipples looked (I’m referring to that odd segment were Teddy Long was commanded to oil of Antonio). The thing about this Regime story is how they’re constantly added new yet logical folds every week. New aspects and people that ignites a reinvestment by the viewers. Yeah, the ratings aren’t great but Americans put everything aside for Monday Night Football, even if the game is terrible. I don’t know if Cena is legit completely healed by some weird miracle or if he’s being rushed but I think this was going to be a storm WWE ends up having to ride this time of year regardless of who’s on the active roster. But then again, I want to live in a world where The Newsroom could happen in reality where people in TV would sacrifice ratings in order to maintain quality. Sadly, that isn’t the case but I desperately want at least one Raw to be written by Aaron Sorkin during my lifetime. Sure, there’ll be nothing but talking promos the entire 3 hours but I dare you not to be compelled.

As always, be on the lookout for this week’s Classy Ring Attire but until then, follow us on twitter @CRAttire and catch a bit from last week’s where we suck up to our British listeners.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,

The Answer

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