From The Mind Of A Wrestling Wife: My Perspective on the WWE Tag Teams Division

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I thought the world might like to know how I view the WWE’s tag teams division, so here is my list as follows:

The Shield:

Seth Rollins – What you want your first boyfriend to look like, edgy and yet sweet; who than turns out to be way too clingy and insecure.

Dean Ambrose – What you want your college boyfriend to look like: edgy and dangerous; who then turns out to be a psychopath.

Roman Reigns – Who you want to marry because he has strong arms, a disarming smile and looks like he plays the ukulele and if not, will learn in his old age (hey, you need to be entertained when you’re old somehow.)

Cody Rhodes – Reminds me of the astronaut from “I Dream of Genie”. Crap! Now that theme song will be forever in my head.

Goldust – Seems like he could be your over the top gay friend who will get on your nerves because he doesn’t have boundaries and steals all your makeup and helps himself to your wardrobe.

The Uso Brothers – I can’t tell one from the other but I know one is funny, super jealous, and is engaged to Trinity because E! has worked its sick “reality” magic once again.

The Wyatt Family – Need a good shower, they all look like dirty plumbers. Then, of course, they live in a swamp and enjoy pretending to be goats? I don’t know *shakes head*. And I am going to add Daniel Bryan here because he apparently joined the union but looks like the smallest plumber who get the low down dirty jobs because he is closer to the ground.

Tons of Funk – LOL I had to be reminded they existed, I mistook them for Trinity and Ariane’s escorts. Damn you E! network!

The Real Americans:

Antonio Cesaro – Cute in that bald, probably an “European criminal mastermind” kind of way.

Jack Swagger – He reminds me of a bull so much! Big, strong and oh so stupid.

3MB – Yuck. Just… ugh.

Los Matadores – I think they are confused on if they are meant to be Spanish or Mexican. Also adding a horny, midget “bull” to this gimmick just unsettles me and I usually enjoy a good stereotype.

PrimeTime Players – Unexceptional except for the proud gay one. It’s good to be comfortable with who you are.

I know, I know you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover but let’s face it if these tag teams were drugstore novellas this is what their covers would scream to us.

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