Forever Heel: Seth, The IC Champ, and the Two Other Heel Challengers Wacky Edition

It’s likely Seth Rollins created the Shield. Even if he’s lying, it would still be unlikely that the brain trust of Dean Ambrose, or Roman Reigns started the faction? Since the Shield wore uniforms, and not tacky ripped up spray painted blazers, makes it a safe bet that Ambrose had nothing to do with bringing the Shield together? The fact that the Shield wasn’t led by 8 trillion has been soman wrestlers shows that Roman’s uncles didn’t bring the Shield together? The only other choice is Seth? Seth knows, you don’t win the WWE Title with your skills, you win with your brain. Not just any brain can do it, Seth’s brain will. Seth may not be “the Future of the WWE”, but he has Triple H convinced. Hunter picked Orton when he was still green, and very rough as a “diamond in the rough”, Randy still isn’t a diamond. Seth started as a diamond, there was no guess-work on the Authority’s part. Seth just needed to ask, and he was in. Seth broke Brock Lesnar’s ribs, he won the Money in the Bank briefcase, and he actually put Orton out of action all by himself. Orton had to sneak up on poor Seth to give him the wussiest little girl beat down in history. After 12 years in wrestling, Orton is still the coward he was when he entered WWE.

I’m not sure why the WWE hasn’t given Stardust more opportunities. He stole his brother’s stale gimmick, and made it universal. Now any idiot can add “-dust” to the back of their name and be an instant superstar. Now don’t be a superphobe, Stardust has all the talent, and charisma to rule the WWE under his starred fist. His wicked lisp, and goofy dancing all but assures us that the former Cody Rhodes will leave Wrestlemania 31 as the Intercontinental Champion. Ambrose is competing with Stardust over who’s craziest. By retiring Ambrose, Stardust will prove that a sensible jumpsuit is easier to wrestle in than dirty tight jeans.

The guy that will be retaining his Intercontinental Belt is Bad News Barrett. He’s like Morrissey and William Regal in a single package. He is England’s total package. The Lex Express pales in comparison to the Berrett Blockade. Like Rusev, we are lucky to have a great talent like Wade Barrett in America. It’s good to know that no matter how pathetic American wrestlers are, we will have Britain to bring us real talent. Barrett can’t just win the IC belt here. He was the first NXT winner, and needs to show that he’s still better than NXT, and Nexus cast-off, Daniel Bryan.

Luke Harper was the most skilled member of the defunct Wyatt Family. He doesn’t even bother talking most of the time, and makes this scary yell instead. He’s broken the backs of 28 bears, and that was just with his beard. Harper had a very short IC title run because of Ziggler’s backstage politicking. Luke knows that when he wins this time, he’ll need to make sure Ziggler is destroyed.

Worst Face Wrestlers at Mania that Should’ve Been Heels
5) Owen Hart WM 14
4) Del Rio at WM 29
3) Miz at WM 29
2) Doink and Dink at WM 10
1) Roddy Piper at WM 3

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,