1. Raw kicks off with six ladders in the ring with the MITB participants standing atop them. Owens has a mic and proceeds to be awesome as ever. Jericho interjects, followed by Ambrose, who just wants to fight. Sami talks about seizing an opportunity, and promises to accept any challenge. Ambrose promises to fight a polar bear, mole people or aliens, and ADR speaks Spanish. This goes on for a while and is pretty funny at times. At least putting them on ladders elevates the usual talky Raw opening.
2. Finally it breaks down and everyone brawls, until they’re interrupted by Teddy Long. He’s back, and apparently he’s here to talk a lot of confusing crap. Steph comes out and asks him what he’s doing there, and for once I agree with her. Teddy wants to run the new live Smackdown, and I literally couldn’t care less. Steph makes a bunch of matches involving the MITB participants tonight.
3. Jericho vs Cesaro is up first with the MITB briefcase hanging above the ring. Solid match with Jericho mostly keeping up with the Swiss Superman, who eventually picks up the win the the Sharpshooter.
4. Recap of Cena’s return and subsequent beatdown, followed by a tribute to Muhammad Ali, a good Seth Rollins video package, then a match between Rusev and Jack Swagger. Hello, fast forward! Rusev wins by count out, then Titus O’Neill gets involved and takes out Rusev. So are Swagger and Titus a team now? Because I’d always thought Swagger’s character was kind of a racist…
5. Hey, it’s John Cena. He gives AJ props and talks about getting beat down by the Club, then starts up a dueling chant. After much more talking, including Cena calling Anderson and Gallows the Bullet Club, AJ and pals join the party. They go back and forth for a while, then the Club storm the ring only to be intercepted by New Day, who they will face in a six man tag later tonight.
6. Next up its a rematch between Enzo & Cass and the Vaudvillains, and the heels take control early until Cass hits the ring and cleans house. English tries to take out Enzo on the rope, which gets great heel heat. Cass beats the crap out of English until he gets disqualified, then hits his finisher on Gotch.
7. More Teddy Long nonsense followed by ADR vs Sami Zayn. Del Rio controls for most of the match, but Zayn hits all of his hope spots before falling victim to ADRs ridiculous top rope stomp finisher. Just let go of the ropes, Sami!
8. The next MITB teaser is Dean Ambrose vs Kevin Owens, which is as good as you would expect from these indie veterans. While Ambrose works best as an underdog, I think KO would make a great WWE champion… Ambrose picks up the win the the dirty deeds.
9. Charlotte and Dana talk for a while, the Becky Lynch and Natalya come out and get beaten up by the heels. Where is Sasha Banks when you need her? Oh, FFS, it’s more Breezango vs Golden Truth shenanigans. Don’t care. Fast forward.
10. Our main event is the Club vs New Day, and I can’t wait until Finn Balor gets brought up to join his friends. Short but decent match with AJ picking up the pin, then beating on Kofi until Cena makes the save. AJ gets the upper hand for a while before Kofi turns the tide and each member of the Club gets hit with a finisher. Because 50/50 booking, you know?
Tags: 10 thoughts, 10 thoughts on raw, John Cena