Rasslin’ Roundtable for WWE Wrestlemania 34

Tonight is Wrestlemania 34!

WWE Championship
AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Spain: This is a really difficult prediction. On the one hand, it seems like Styles has been on an absolute tear and him beating Nakamura would be very believable as well as a fitting end to a pretty fantastic year for him. At the same time, what better way to crown a new WWE Champion, especially the one person who was able to beat Styles? I’m edging closer to Shinsuke getting the win.
Winner (and new WWE Champion): Shinsuke Nakamura

CB: Match of the night most likely. AJ wins this one to get his well-deserved WrestleMania moment.
Winner: AJ Styles

Michael – Saying that this is going to be the match of the night is almost a given (although don’t sleep on Rollins and Balor trying to one-up them). The question is not even as much who is going to win as it is can they top their Tokyo Dome match? Personally, I never thought the Tokyo Dome match could have lived up to the hype, yet it did and more. That was such a big deal that I will assume they do it again and top that, because these two are at the top of their game. Maybe we even see a Spiral Tap from Styles to even things up with Nakamura.
Winner: AJ Styles

Schuerman – Everyone, including me, is hoping this steals the show. If they’re smart, they won’t open with it, since it probably will at the very least, be the best match on the card. I do think that this is finally Nak’s time, and his coronation should come at WrestleMania, with the horrible way he’s been booked so far in his run.

WWE Universal Championship
Brock Lesnar (with Paul Heyman) vs. Roman Reigns

Spain: The most obvious of all the Championship matches, and for the second time we’ll probably see Reigns close out the show holding the belt. The real question is whether this is going to be entertaining or not: Styles, Nakamura, Charlotte and Asuka have got the technical side of things handled, so their best bet is probably to make this match as over the top as possible: it could work out.
Winner (and new Universal Champion): Roman Reigns

CB: No swerves or Rollins cash-ins. Roman gets coronated, like it or not.
Winner: Roman

Michael – Everything seems to be setting up for Reigns winning here, but I still don’t think they have the crowd where they want with him. Reigns really needs a heel turn, maybe moreso than even John Cena. My prediction is more of a hope though.
Winner: Brock Lesnar

Schuerman – A foregone conclusion here, for sure. But how will they do it is the real question. Will they do a competitive match, or will they just let Roman go out there and squash Brock on his way out? And also, will Heyman turn on Brock here, knowing he’s leaving? Lot’s of intrigue for a match where the winner was decided before the match was even announced!

WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship
Charlotte Flair vs. Asuka

Spain: Really looking forward to having Asuka on SmackDown Live, and I think it’ll be as the new Champion. Like Styles, this is the case of a deserving candidate for the belt offering a conceivable way to beat the unstoppable Champ without damaging the person they beat. I believe Asuka will have her moment at WrestleMania, and Charlotte can take the belt back down the line, handing the Empress of Tomorrow her first loss in the process.
Winner (and new SmackDown Women’s Champion): Asuka

CB: Here’s a swerve: Charlotte wins in a classic, ending Asuka’s streak. Carmella then cashes in and pins Charlotte to become SD Women’s Champ.
Winner: Charlotte, then Carmella

Michael – Honestly, this is one of the most anticipated matches of the night. And it has potential to be a show-stealer. But the record streak does not fall here.
Winner: Asuka

Schuerman – This is the match that should open the show in my opinion. It should have great heat, and has the star power to open this show. It also is most likely the only other match that could be a real classic. If given time to breathe, this could be a classic. Asuka is obviously winning here, but the match should be fantastic.

WWE RAW Women’s Championship
Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax

Spain: This one could go either way: Nia could be a fantastic Champion, and she’s been booked as an unstoppable force recently. But this could just be coyness on the part of WWE, and we might see Alexa somehow pull out a win: she’s beaten the odds before. I’m picking Nia, but I have to admit I’m far from certain.
Winner (and new RAW Women’s Champion): Nia Jax

CB: Nia better kick her ass. And she will.
Winner: Nia Jax

Michael – I don’t like the storyline, I don’t like Mickie James’ involvement, and I don’t like how rushed it feels. They may as well just pull the plug on it here.
Winner: Nia Jax

Schuerman – A straight revenge storyline, albeit a dumb one. OOOOHHH, you called me fat! I must get revenge! This should be a quick squash for Jax.

WWE United States Championships
Randy Orton vs. Bobby Roode vs. Jinder Mahal (with Sunil Singh) vs. Rusev (with Aiden English)

Spain: Oh, United States Championship, what happened to you? This is a tough one to predict, and whoever wins it will do precisely nothing with it anyway. The match should be a pretty fun one, though: I’m looking forward to seeing some chaotic antics in this slot. I’ll pick Rusev out of deranged wish-fulfilment.
Winner (and new United States Champion): Rusev

CB: On Rusev Day, Rusev wins!
Winner: Rusev

Michael – Wow, what a bunch of wrestlers I don’t care about. And Rusev. Luckily, this match takes place on Rusev Day, which should give the Bulgarian brute the advantage. Having Orton retain would make zero sense, having Mahal win would make zero sense, having Roode win would put me to sleep (seriously, why is Roode a face? His character works 1000% better as a heel), and having Rusev win would recognize the solid work he’s done with his character lately. Will logic prevail and the belt go to Rusev? Doubtful.
Winner: Randy Orton (because the WWE hates us all)

Schuerman – In my mind, this is Roode’s to lose, as he only got a cup of coffee with the title and it was stolen from him. Although, it IS Rusev day, so we’ll let him have it.

WWE Intercontinental Championship
The Miz vs. Seth Rollins vs. Finn Bálor

Spain: Strong contender for match of the night in a world where Styles/Nakmura wasn’t a thing. The Miz has been a fantastic Champ, and he deserves to retain here. That being said, who knows what Rollins or Bálor could do with the belt, or perhaps they’ll be needed on the Universal Title scene? I’m saying Miz: if anyone can pull out an unlikely victory against all the odds, it’s him.
Winner (and still Intercontinental Champion): The Miz

CB: The Miz should win after Rollins and Bálor crush each other. Definitely a chance for march of the night.
Winner: The Miz

Michael – I’m on record that this should be Balor/Rollins one on one and Miz should defend against someone else, maybe Elias or someone. But, as it is, let’s say Balor and Rollins tear the house down and then Miz steals the pin to retain.
Winner: Miz

Schuerman – Either face makes sense here, but this is one place where a little swerve could be in order. I say that either Balor or Rollins costs the other the title, and the Miz escapes. He has done the damn near impossible, making the title relevant again, and he’s X number of days from being the longest reigning IC champ in history. Give it to him.

WWE SmackDown Tag Team Championships
The Usos (Jey and Jimmy Uso) vs. The New Day (Big E, Kofi Kingston, and/or Xavier Woods) vs. The Bludgeon Brothers (Harper and Rowan)

Spain: I wasn’t initially hot on the triple-threat tag team concept but, honestly, how could things not be made better by adding the New Day? I reckon we’ll see a terrifying show of force from the Bludgeon Brothers but I bet the Usos somehow pull out a win, presumably by pinning one of the New Day. That clears the path for a more straightforward match between the Usos and Harper and Rowan, where the Big Bearded Boys can finally hold the belts.
Winners (and still SmackDown Tag Team Champions): The Usos

CB: Bludgeon Brothers need credibility. They get it here.
Winners: Bludgeon Brothers

Michael – Could all of the Wyatt family be holding tag title gold at the end of WrestleMania? Was this all a big plan by Bray Wyatt after all? Probably not. However, the match will probably go like this – Bludgeon Brothers crush both Usos and all three New Day members. Then the Usos and New Day work together to dispatch Harper and Rowen. Then the Usos and New Day will put on a pretty good 15 minute match against each other. Then Harper and Rowen will return and crush everyone again. Then one of the Usos will roll up Kofi Kingston and retain the belts.
Winners: The Usos

Schuerman – This is simply the coronation for The Bludgeon’s, but if they let the Usos and New Day do their thing for a while, this could be watchable.

WWE Raw Tag Team Championship
Cesaro and Sheamus vs. Braun Strowman and TBD

Spain: Again, this is a good opportunity for Sheamus and Cesaro to drop the straps to a worthy team of challengers, whoever one half of that team is. Reckon on Braun and TBA winning the match and the Championships.
Winners (and new RAW Tag Team Champions): The Fabulous Strowmans

CB: Braun’s partner will be a returning JAMES ELLSWORTH to bring this whole thing full circle. And they win!
Winners: Braun Strowman and James Ellsworth

Michael – I’ve already predicted that Bray Wyatt will return in some form to be Strowman’s partner. Maybe he will be Woke Wyatt. Maybe he will be a battered and beaten Wyatt who Strowman find in a dumpster somewhere outside the arena where he takes pity on him and has him be his partner. Who knows. But the WWE is starting to flounder a little with Strowman, so I guess they have to go the extra mile and sacrifice the tag team division for him.
Winners: Braun Strowman and TBD

Schuerman – Is this show over yet? Good heavens, 7 hours. Anywho, with Sheamus being as injured as he is, there is really only one outcome here. Whoever Braun’s partner turns out to be, (Batista?), Braun is walking away with the titles here.

If Owens and Zayn win, they will be rehired to SmackDown
Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn

Spain: I don’t care if it is Bryan’s first match back: you can’t have Shane get a win over two active wrestlers. Again, this is not a prediction I’m certain of, but unless the plan is for Stephanie to hire Owens and Zayn following them coming up short, then the Kevin and Sami Show will go on.
Winners: Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn

CB: No way Bryan loses his return match in New Orleans where he main evented WrestleMania 30. Bryan and Shane win, Kevin and Sami go back to Raw.
Winners: Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon

Michael – It doesn’t seem like they would waste Daniel Bryan’s return match. And I have a feeling he and Zayn and Owens are going to work hard to make it something special. As for Shane, well, he’ll be there too. Bryan picks up the feel-good pin and Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn return to Raw next week.
Winners: Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan

Schuerman – Another one that could go any number of ways. If they turn Bryan heel here, it would literally be the biggest F-you to the audience, but I can see it happening. Shane could turn here, also making zero sense. The most likely and easiest outcome is Bryan winning his return match, and Zayn and Owens going to Raw.

Kurt Angle and Ronda Rousey vs. Triple H and Stephanie McMahon

Spain: I mean, it’s Rousey and Angle, right? It’s pretty much got to be, unless this is going to be like that Sting/Triple H debacle, and even Triple H wouldn’t do that. I mean, probably. I think. I don’t even care that much, if I’m honest.
Winners: Ronda Rousey and Kurt Angle

CB: If this doesn’t end with Rousey tapping out Steph with the ARMBAR, it’s all a waste.
Winners: Rousey and Angle

Michael – It would make zero sense to have Rousey lose to Stephanie. Triple H will drag down the energy in the match, but Rousey will win when she “breaks” Stephanie’s arm.
Winners: Angle and Rousey

Schuerman – This also really has the potential to be a good match. It also could be a trainwreck. Who knows how Rousey is going to perform in the ring, and if Angle can still do ANYTHING with his neck in the condition it’s in. Simply judging by his posture each week, I would say not much. The McMahons always get their comeuppance at WrestleMania, and this will be no different.

André the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Spain: I have no earthly idea who’s winning this Battle Royal, nor t’other one. Who even wants to win this thing anymore? I’ll call it for Dolph Ziggler, because they’re clearly trying to give him as many laurels as they can whilst at the same time making him utterly pointless.
Winner: Dolph Ziggler

CB: The only three logical winners here are Woken Matt Hardy, Dolph Ziggler, or someone who hasn’t been announced. I’m going to go with a debuting Eric Young of saNity who eliminates Matt Hardy at the end and begins the next chapter of the Great War.
Winner: Eric Young

Michael – The annual “Let’s get everyone on the card” match. I’d prefer they just add more schlubs to this match and get rid of most of the multi-man title matches. As it is, I can only see this going one of two ways, Baron Corbin winning to set up a new push for him on Smackdown Live! or Woken Matt Hardy getting a bigger push going forward. Let’s say they are the final two and the winner is …
Winner: Matt Hardy

Schuerman – I honestly have no clue who is all entered into this mess, but I’m gonna go with Corbin since they seem to want to perpetually push him down our throats.

WrestleMania Women’s Battle Royal

Spain: I know of one angle heading into this, and whilst Bayley or Sasha would be fine winners, I think Becky’s finally going to win back some momentum and capitalise on her recent intimidating display against the Riott Squad.
Winner: Becky Lynch

CB: This will come down to Sasha, Bayley, and Becky. Becky wins after Sasha and Bayley can’t get along and destroy each other in the process.
Winner: Becky Lynch

Michael – Now this battle royal can go a myriad of ways. There are a lot of storylines going into this, with Sasha and Bayley, the Riott Squad and Absolution, the return of Lana, etc. Smart money would go to Becky Lynch winning here, since they have squandered her for most of this year. Let’s not overthink it.
Winner: Becky Lynch

Schuerman – I’d really like to see this come down to Bayley and Sasha, where Sasha finally turns full heel and can be herself. Their story really hasn’t been that bad, considering what the main roster writers usually do. They have Bayley realizing that Sasha is only out for herself, and doesn’t care about her. I’ll go with Sasha here.

WWE Cruiserweight Championship
Cedric Alexander vs. Mustafa Ali

Spain: I’ve really not paid much attention to the Cruiserweight Championship, but from extremely cursory research I’ve got to say it seems like Alexander’s going retain.
Winner (and new WWE Cruiserweight Champion): Cedric Alexander

CB: It’s Cedric’s time but together they steal the preshow.
Winner: Cedric

Michael – Most of the stuff I have seen this week has been about Ali, which makes me think they are leaning that direction. I don’t hate that, but Cedric Alexander deserves better. Maybe get him off 205 Live and let him feud with Gargano on Raw if he gets called up.
Winner: Mustafa Ali

Schuerman – Another really well built story here. Ali is the clear face here with all the articles and vignettes about his family and his journey. I can’t see them doing anything but putting the title on Ali here.

John Cena vs. Undertaker

CB: If it happens, I think Taker comes out as the American Badass and beats Cena with The Last Ride.
Winner: Biker Taker

Michael – Even though there is no announced match, everyone expects a Cena/Undertaker showdown. They’ve really backed themselves into a corner here. Having Cena call out Taker for several weeks makes it look like if UT does show up it is because of the dumb Cena stuff. But Undertaker has been his own man who does what he wants when he wants so having him respond to Cena actually makes him look weak. Having him come out as BikerTaker is just dumb and should not be considered at all. Best case scenario is that Undertaker attacks Cena in the stands at some point during the event, casually annihilating Cena into a vaguely human looking lump of bone and blood. Cena then disappears for a long while as he films whatever crap he is filming. Taker sticks around, haunting people, tormenting people, generally becoming the scariest MFing phantom in the WWE opera. This can, and should, continue until SummerSlam or even next WrestleMania when Cena returns to purge the evil deadman. Then they have their match and Taker WINS to allow his wrestling soul to rest.

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