The Martyrshow: Imagine (Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio, CM Punk, Muh Boy D-Bry right here)
by Martin Shaw on May 29, 2012

*insert witty intro here*

Remember when I said WWE was doing slightly racist stuff and everyone went fucking nuts? Teddy Long is now the slave of a rich white man. Also, Fella’s new finisher is called “White Noise.”

I read a lot about the level of cheers Fella may or may not be getting, a little about his in-ring ability, very little about his character though. The “Celtic Warrior” gimmick was solid. It was something he was into and it was reasonably well thought out. Had they ran with that, rather than buggering about with him being anti-bully or whatever the fuck it was…  if he was The Celtic Warrior and his finisher was The Irish Curse, he’d make sense.

Imagine he won the Rumble because he’s a natural fighter and the warrior instinct took over, causing him to eliminate 7-13 people on the roster (i.e. not Foley or the fucking Road Dogg), including The Big Show and The Great Khali. Imagine he used the time in-between Rumble and Mania to go back to Ireland and study the techniques that helped his ancestors win their battles. Imagine Muh Boy D-Bry tried everything he knew against The Celtic Warrior, but Fella powered out of it all and laughed it off.

I’m not saying the above idea is the greatest thing ever, but I am saying that WWE’s writers are fucking morons. Even CM Punk would’ve looked like a bag of shit at WrestleMania if he’d spent the previous eight weeks doing nothing but clothesline Jinder Mahal.

Speaking of CM Punk, does anyone remember the promo last year where he said “Alberto Del Rio, you are a one-note character. You come out and talk about “destiny” while everyone goes to sleep, then you leave” or something like that? It was fucking terrible. Not only did it shit all over Del Rio (who I’m sure didn’t ask for a shitty gimmick), but it shat on the original Punk “shoot” as well. Every time Punk would came and “dropped a pipe-bomb” it diluted the message and weakened the character. Punk became a one-note character for a while, but almost everyone got behind it due to the shoot-based nature of the promos.

Alberto Del Rio has returned. Have the writers learned from the mistakes they seen fit to include in Punk’s promo? Have they fuck. Ricardo Rodriguez has received more character development.

Imagine if Punk v Ziggler happened the way it did at Royal Rumble, but Ziggler was the one who went on to do the “alcoholic” storyline with Punk. Ziggler would’ve broken away from Vickie in order to get inside Punk’s head, then done all the stuff you watched Jericho do.

Jericho is in the dog-house right now and he’ll probably leave before 2013. What happens then? They’ve spent the past 5 months maintaining or lessening the status of everyone on the roster, including super-Cena.

Orton isn’t the top face on Smackdown anymore, yet they refused to build Sheamus to that level before giving him another title run.

Punk was WWE Champion, yet they decided to give him “the rub” from an established name.

Muh Boy D-Bry right here was World Champion and getting a good reaction, yet they decided he should lose in 18 seconds.

Ziggler was getting over as a cocky heel while feuding with the WWE Champion, yet they decided he should be jobbing to Brodus clay.

Zack Ryder amassed a huge following via his youtube show, yet they decided to use him as a pawn to fuel the “Will he, wont he?” Cena storyline.

Cody Rhodes held the IC Title for 237 days, yet they decided to give it to a guy who’s wrestled for 237 years.

Yet some of our readers object to me saying that I won’t watch the next WresteMania if it includes a large ratio of older wrestlers…



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