Thought Zero – Yes, I admit that Ring of Honor’s booking is often confusing. Sometimes I feel like they have several shows in between the television episodes and don’t bother to explain what happened in between. But, most of the time I feel like the writers are each writing one chapter of a book, but there is no one editor to compile those chapters into a cohesive tale. But the work itself is pretty awesome, so let’s try to enjoy.
1. We start right off with a match featuring Frankie Kazarian versus Alex Shelley. This could be good. Or it could be a slop fest. Let’s see what happens. Hey, Sabin points out that Kazarian looks like Antonio Banderas. Why not suggest Richard Greico? At least that is a slightly more current reference, given Greico’s guest stint on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia two weeks ago. Odd.
2. Shelley with a dragon screw leg whip while Kazarian’s other leg is tied in the ropes. That looked pretty painful. I liked it.
3. Steve Corino calls in to interrupt the match and threaten BJ Whitmer. For a company that tends to pride itself on focusing on the match in front of them, that was an odd few seconds. But I do commend Kevin Kelly who just blew it off and went back to the match. Might as well blow it off anyway, as the Whitmer/Corino feud has been going on for roughly two millennia now.
4. Pretty good match overall, albeit a little slower than I had thought it would be. Kazarian didn’t look as lost through most of the match, so that’s a plus. Shelley picked up the win with Sliced Bread. And we still don’t know why Shelley is messing with Sabin and The Addiction. Or why Sabin is with The Addiction in the first place. Or why Sabin doesn’t wrestle any more. This is all very Kafka-esque, although I am not sure Ring of Honor is trying for that type of lofty plotwork.
5. Joey “Diesel” Daddiego (with Truth Martini but no Taeler Hendrix. Boo!) versus Dalton Castle (with the Boys). Castle is way over with the crowd and justifiably so. One of these weeks, I will go into more detail about why I think a Castle match is one of the highlights of watching wrestling, but for now, I will just say that if you can watch a Dalton Castle match without smiling, you are either dead inside or Grumpy Cat.
6.Truth Martini is in the ring doing a spinarooni and a moonwalk. I am not sure what is happening right now. Did someone spike my coffee? But they finish that sequence with the boys holding open the ropes during Martini’s moonwalk allowing him to fall right out of the ring. That made me chuckle.
7. Castle wins and Daddiego has a lot of work to do in the ring. He still looks very stiff and not sure of himself in there. And because ROH apparently doesn’t know when an angle should end (hint – that time was about four weeks ago!), here comes Silas Young and the Beer City Bruiser to give the Boys ANOTHER chance to turn on Castle. They stay with Castle, so the Boys and Castle get destroyed by Young and the Bruiser. Please, Ring of Honor, give ALL of these guys something new to do. Now.
8. Top Prospect Tournament continues with Leon St. Giovanni versus Action Ortiz. Nigel compares Ortiz to Bam Bam Bigelow before the match. That’s high praise; let’s see if Ortiz can live up to it. Then, just to continue the name-dropping, Kevin Kelly mentions Tommy Dreamer trained Ortiz and had nice things to say about him.
9. St. Giovanni has some nice flippy moves, and looks like he could be a decent high level jobber. And job he does, as Ortiz hits him with some back suplex-into-a-faceplant-sorta-thing. Nigel continues to try to sell Ortiz as a monster, but he basically missed a couple big moves, let St. Giovanni get a bunch of offense in, and then hit his finisher. Mr. Ortiz, I know of Bam Bam Bigelow. I watched Bam Bam Bigelow. And you, sir, are no Bam Bam Bigelow.
9 1/2. Stockley Hathaway is here and, on behalf of Moose, calls out the IWGP Heavyweight champion Kazuchika Okada (!!!) for the 14th Anniversary show! I can’t see Moose winning there, but that could be a very interesting match.
10. Main event time as the All Night Express challenges War Machine. I wasn’t watching Ring of Honor when Rhett Titus and Kenny King were around previously, so I still don’t know a lot about them. They seem to be pretty good in the ring, so I will keep watching them. But they are wrestling War Machine here, who is in the beginning of their title reign, so I don’t see a title change happening. It is nice to have a television main event for the tag team titles, instead of a match of this caliber being buried in the middle of the show (I’m looking at you, WWE). My Fantasy Book column from last week focused on tag team wrestling, so I won’t bore you too much with it (although this week’s Fantasy Book will have more tag team dreaming). War Machine dominated most of the match while still selling a lot for the All Night Express (a balancing act that Hanson and Rose pull off very well, I must say). After several minutes of outside the ring slobberknockery, ANX brings a table into the ring. But Rose turns the tables (pun hilariously intended in my best dad joke voice) and drives Kenny King through it, causing War Machine to lose via disqualification. Regardless, the teams keep brawling, so I guess they are not done with each other yet. And I am good with that.
Next week’s main event announced as Young Bucks versus ACH and Matt Sydal. More tag team goodness! Thank you, Santa. See you then…
Also, feel free to comment and let me know how I’m doing. I’m interested in your opinion, and all opinions are welcome.
Tags: ANX, Dalton Castle, Motor City Machineguns, ROH, War Machine