For Your Consideration…Mister Jennifer Hudson Presents Monday Night RAW

For Your Consideration…Mister Jennifer Hudson Presents Monday Night RAW

Welcome to For Your Consideration. So, after cranking out a Wrestlemania recap, a RAW Judicial Review and a Smackdown edition (thanks, by the way for the love on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/awheeler316), I’m back to square one. That’s the cyclical joy of pro wrestling; there is in fact no definitive end. This of course means we have officially left the Road to Wrestlemania and are on the Road to Middling Summer, but there is no reason to be worried. See, while some people dread those dull summer months between Wrestlemania and Summerslam, I actually like them because I enjoy seeing the WWE get daring. Get experimental. Get…gasp…different.

Last Monday Night was not the unbelievably exciting post-Wrestlemania RAW that I always look forward to. Due to circumstances both large and small, it couldn’t be. First, RAW last week needed to be the farewell show for Shawn Michaels, and you can’t really embrace the future until you say goodbye to the past. Second, RAW last week was simply the appetizer for the game-changing episode of Smackdown. Yes, you read that correctly, a game-changing Smackdown.

We have been conditioned to expect that post-Mania RAW to dazzle us with a bright new direction for the company; the return of X-Pac, the debut of Umaga, the forming of the Two-Man Power Trip. Last week’s RAW just didn’t have that completely altering moment (though Orton and Cena teaming up was a bit of a jolt to the system). Thankfully, the members of Creative realized that they needed to save their surprises for the Friday show (though I think I may be giving them too much credit) by crowing The Showstopping Opportunish Kurt Swangle the new World Heavyweight Champion.

Swangle as champion is not the Sheamus blip run that we witnessed at the beginning of this year, because unlike Sheamus on RAW, Swangle has the opportunity on Smackdown to actually become the face of the show. See, Smackdown has always been the kind of program that allows new talent to flourish before they ultimately get sucked onto Monday Nights and are forgotten (see Mister Kennedy, MVP, Mark Henry). When you look at the Smackdown roster, you begin to see how paper thin it is, which is only going to benefit Swangle. Last year when Friday Night Smackdown was Taker-free, the show was finally able to allow guys like CM Punk, Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio, John Morrison and Dolph Ziggler run carefree at the top of the card. CM Punk would not be the star that he is today without the summer and fall of 2009. As for this summer? Aside from one or two draft picks, there is a whole lot of room for people to show what they can do at the top. Even better? There’s no Taker or Khali roaming around, so little guys can be in the main event and not worry about being squashed.

Kurt Swangle could very well mature into a real champion on Smackdown, and unlike Sheamus, he could actually show us that he has what it takes to be in the main event on his first title run. Sheamus did a decent job with the role that he was given (mainly to have three minute matches and let guys like Orton and Cena carry him when needed), but nothing about him said crown jewel of the broadcast. Swangle, in one episode, won the title and established himself as the new cocky heel face of the brand. Hell, unlike when Punk won the World Title with his first MITB, Swangle was allowed to stand tall at the end of the broadcast looking like a legit badass. Also, and this may just be me, but I was kinda geeked at the idea of Swangle working with Shelton Benjamin…even if it was only a Smackdown main event.

With Swangle holding the title, a guy like John Morrison could work a summer program with him without worrying that he’s taking away from someone else. In fact, should Jericho get traded to RAW, Swangle could wind up being the top heel on the program aside from CM Punk. If anything, this is a bold move by the WWE that doesn’t just feel like stuff being thrown against a wall, it actually feels like the company is ready to elevate a new star.

Of course, I could be wrong.

In other news around the Internet, Christopher Daniels escaped TNAwful with minimal bumps and bruises. Wow, has any guy plummeted from world title contender to future endeavored jobber faster than Daniels? Scratch that, has any unbelievably talented cruiserweight been as underused and cast aside as Daniels? (Yes, I know there is some smartass out there that is going to say Paul London, but between his “recreational” uses and his uncanny ability to smile at moments when he should just look like a normal person, he sort of dug his own grave). Christopher Daniels is now in ROH and may very well become its top star in a matter of weeks. Maybe this is the shot in the arm that the company needs to firmly establish itself with the “in the know” fas.

I personally wouldn’t mind seeing him get snapped up by the WWE. At the very least, he could make an interesting road agent, though I know resident guru Glazer thinks he isn’t up to par with some of his fellow ROH brethren who have seemed to surpass him. All I know is that this seems to be a guy who is willing to do pretty much anything that’s thrown at him (including wrestling with curry on his head), and he might have a thing or two to teach some of the smaller guys on the roster about how to work with a big man and not get dwarfed. Plus, with Low-Ki, Tyson Kidd, Daniel Bryan, CM Punk, Evan Bourne and Jimmy Wang Yang under one roster with Daniels, can you imagine the kind of stuff the company could pull off in the ring? Hell, they could sure make Superstars a much more interesting program.

At the very least, how could TNA let an established TNA guy leave like that? Considering who they have for road agents, they could use a guy who knows how to structure a great X-Division match to show some of the smaller wrestlers how to steal the show. This might be one of those early signs that TNA is in much worse shape than we believe, and if they and ROH find themselves in financial trouble, we could be reliving 2001 all over again.

Also in the news was the tragic passing of Chris Kanyon. Kanyon was one of those guys who seemed to make the most out of bad situations in wrestling, whether it was his Positively Kanyon angle where he feuded with DDP’s book or when he was named the InVasion MVP, he just seemed to be able to be a bright spot in a black hole. I always thought he was one of the few guys to jump to the WWE after WCW closed that could have cut it in the Sports Entertainment world. Of course, his name will now be inextricably linked with that ever-growing list of wrestlers who seem to pass around the age of 40. As a former WWE employee, he probably had access to the rehab programs offered by the company, and perhaps his passing will be a wakeup call to those other wrestlers who might be in the same position he was in. My thoughts and prayers go out to his family.

Lastly before we get to the Judicial Review, there’s the story that Lance Cade has once again been future endeavored. Shocker. Who would have thought that a guy with minimal charisma, minimal wrestling skill and already blown his chances twice wouldn’t work out? Absolutely shocking. I know I shouldn’t pile on, especially because I’ve always been branded an anti-Cade guy, but this is amazing. He might go down as one of the biggest wastes of potential talent in the modern era when you consider who trained him and how many times he’s been pushed. Jesus, he might rival A-Train in terms of the number of odd pushes that got him nowhere. Aside from his run with the far more entertaining Trevor Murdoch, what the hell did the guy do? And how the hell did he wind up in so many video games? Mind boggling.

Speaking of being a hater, I got accused of hating on David Otunga in my Smackdown column (I also got accused of being one with regards to Matt Hardy, but that happens any time someone speaks ill of him, making me think that Matt himself might be trolling around the ‘Net trying to protect his good name while hocking outside projects and constantly reassuring us that his brother isn’t the drug addicted reckless fool that he seems to be based on the serious charges levied against him) and I feel like I wanna take a moment to clarify something. First off, being a hater means that I’m going to blindly dislike someone because it’s the “cool” thing to do. Admittedly, there are some people out there that are hated because it seems hip. There are some on the IWC (including a few on this site) that just love to tee off on John Cena despite not really having a justification to do so (more on this in a minute). There are some, like myself, that despise Michael Cole. I’m also considered a TNA hater, though I hated them back when folks were singing their praises as being better than the WWE (looks like I came out on the right side of that one).

Here though, with David Otunga, I am not hating on him because of who he is married to. In fact, I would be more inclined to like him because of that. I like anyone that is going to be an ambassador for pro wrestling to the mainstream world. No matter how much we say otherwise, we are always happy to see wrestling be covered positively by the “real” world because we are one of the few niche groups that are inclusive, not exclusive. We are the kinds of people who will try to get others excited about the product that we love, whether it’s inviting people over for Wrestlemania or showing someone that abandoned the sport an old ROH match. I, more than most, would have been stoked to see David Otunga be great. Or good. Or even decent with potential. Hell, he and I both have our JDs, which would make me like him just because of that.

I “hate” on David Otunga because, like I said over the weekend, he isn’t good. He isn’t even remotely good. Don’t believe me? Explain to me why, out of everyone, he’s kept out of the ring the most. Wanna know a secret? He is terrible and the WWE knows it. When he botched his finisher on the first episode of NXT, I’m fairly certain an embolism burst in Vince’s brain. Vince had to see the monetary value in someone like David Otunga, but when the kid can’t hit is own finisher, you’re in trouble. And do not give me the whole “he’s a rookie” nonsense, because I now get FCW here in South Florida and the bulk of the NXT kids look very good on it (even Skip Sheffield, which surprised the hell out of me). When Otunga was in the battle royal to win this guest hosting slot, he was reduced to standing in the corner for the bulk of the match. Then, when Justin Gabriel had to lug him up as he was “unconscious”, you clearly saw Otunga look to the ref for the cue to toss Gabriel out of the ring. That is called exposing the business big time Jackie Gayda style. And I know this isn’t his fault, because maybe he was called up too soon, but to say he’s a better wrestler than any of the other NXT guys is a fallacy.

Yes, Otunga has a certain amount of charisma and swagger, but in terms of ring skill, he just hasn’t shown anything about clumsy green guy who happens to be quasi-famous. Hell, at least Lawrence Taylor took time to learn how to work. Maybe David Otunga will make a great manager, but for right now, he has shown that he isn’t ready for the ring. That’s not being a hater, that’s being a realist.

Oh, and on the Cena thing, I don’t want to beat a dead horse but let me just lay it out very quickly. First, no one works harder for the WWE than John Cena. He has zero Wellness Policy issues (though I know there are some out there that believe he doesn’t get tested). He has never had a bit of bad press with regards to his attitudes towards another wrestler or with fans. He is an ambassador to the sport who knows how to go on talk shows and not sound like a complete moron. He has stepped up his work in the ring, and while he isn’t an all-time great, he has never stopped trying to improve. He sells more merchandise than anyone in the company today, and will probably wind up tying or surpassing Steve Austin in terms of total dollars due in part to his age and the diverse amount of products that bare his likeness. Best of all? He’s actually entertaining to watch sometimes. Look at his match with Batista at Wrestlemania. It was a really good match. Not only that but it was clear as day that he was the one carrying it. John Cena carried Batista to what was probably the #2 match at Wrestlemania. So if you’re hating on Cena at this point or calling for him to be turned heel or saying he can’t wrestle, then you clearly don’t understand the economics of wrestling or you really are just being a markish hater. Alright, issue closed, on with the show.

The Judicial Review: Monday Night RAW 4/5/10

“If ya smell…..”

We open the show with a nice shot of the buzzing crowd and rather than hear Michael Cole, we go right to Kurt Swangle. Now this is change we can believe in. Swangle is out in a dapper looking suit, and this is a champ that knows how to dress.

We then cut to two men who don’t know how to dress, Jerry “Ed Hardy” Lawler and Michael “Casual Male” Cole, who prattle on about Swangle’s win being shocking. Swanlge has the mic and he is getting a heavy heel reaction. That’s a good sign. He has them roll the replay from Friday Night Smackdown where he won the belt.

He proclaims that he made history last Friday by cashing in the suitcase of dreams and winning the title once held by Ric Flair, Eddie Guerrero and The Great Khali. Swangle says that he considered cashing in his title shot with John Cena, but if he’s going to be recognized for being a champion, he should take on a competitor superior to John Cena. While it’s a load of bullshit, it’s great logic. Swangle then says he lasted 9 seconds with Chris Jericho, which is longer than he lasted with Maryse. He then says he’s going to Smackdown because no one on RAW compares to his abilities. It was a line so nice he said it twice.

This repetition brings out the WWE Champion John Cena, who gets a monster pop. He’s a nine time champion. To quote Ed Rooney, “Nine times.” Cole points out that there are two champions on RAW. “Two Beldings in one building, one of whom is balding.” Two obscure quotes in a row? Sure, why not.

John Cena congratulates Swangle on being the luckiest man in the world. Cena says that the fans don’t care about what you’ve done but rather what you are going to do, which explains why they don’t tune in to see the TNA roster. John says that the fans will be sorry to see Swangle leave. Well I, who recaps RAW, will miss him. Maybe I’ll start covering Smackdown too. Hmm…

Cena says that there might be a star in the ring with him wearing the orange and blue of the University of Florida who would call Swangle a liar for saying that there’s no one that can compete with him. Clearly it’s Guy Incognito. John says he isn’t championship material and that behind the All-American American bravado he’s a weasel. I guess this makes him The Showstopping Opportunistic Brain, Kurt Swangle. John Cena challenges him to a match later on tonight and since he’s so sure he’ll make Swangle tap out, if he acts right now he’ll put the title on the line. Suddenly the WWE Champion is Billy Mays.

Swangle starts to talk about how this won’t work for him, which leads to me hearing voices. Sure enough, here comes Randy Orton, who was so anxious to come to the ring that he didn’t bother to put on pants. So now we have a guy wearing a suit, a guy wearing jean shorts and a guy wearing wrestling trunks. Gotta wonder if there’s a dress code in catering.

Randy Orton says that he’s sure that Swangle would want to face the man that beat him last week, Randy Orton. This now brings out The Biz, and I can’t believe how much fun this opening segment is. Big Show is in a suit and Miz is in his hipster tie outfit. Miz says that it’s just like Orton and Cena to hog the opening segment, but the show isn’t about any of them, it’s about the Unified Tag Team Champions. That’s why they opened Wrestlemania, because that’s all that people tuned in for.

As Miz goes to finish his catchphrase, David Otunga comes out wearing a vest but no shirt. He has RAW shaved into his head. He introduces himself as the A-List before saying he’s the most promising NXT rookie. Liar liar, pants on fire. Otunga says that tonight is going to be top notch, which means we’re getting Above Average Mike Sanders. Oh wait, that means we’re getting Swangle versus Orton. He also books The Biz in a title match against Batista and John Cena. Wacky tag team partners that don’t get along? That’s crazy and unprecedented.

Randy Orton then goes to RKO Cena but he shoves him off and Orton RKO’s Swangle and that was brilliant. Thank you WWE for resisting the urge to just make Orton a cheery face.

Commercial.

We’re back and here comes Kofi Kingston. Yes, he still works for the WWE, why do you ask?

Kofi has a cool looking t-shirt with Incredible Hulk writing on it. That’s ghanna sell a lot of units. His opponent is Sheamus. Fun fact: both of these men used to be on ECW. Fun fact: only one of them realized that befriending a member of Evolution instead of pissing one off would help his career.

Kofi gets some token offense before eating a backbreaker. Thanks to KFC, we get to watch him eating it again, because it is probably tastier than KFC. Then again, I’m at the tail-end of Passover and I would pretty much eat a shoe if it were breaded. Sheamus is clubbing away on Kofi before dragging his face against the top rope. What am I watching? “WWE Challenge”?

Kofi comes back with that…sigh…controlled frenzy before busting out his cool spot where he bounces his head against the top rope. He then tosses Sheamus into the corner to do his leaping punches but eats a kick to the face. He then gets hit with the Bicycle Kick and that should be it. Sheamus then decides to set him up for the Razor’s Edge, but he’s given it a nice tweak by adding a little crossing of the heart with his hands. Finally, someone decided to incorporate some “Boondock Saints” into his repertoire. That, folks, will do it.

Sheamus then goes under the ring and pulls out a paper towel roll covered in tin foil to crack of Kofi’s head. We then see in the back Hunter in a leather jacket, and you know he means business because his hair is wet.

Commercial.

We’re back and Sheamus now has a microphone to go with his pipe. “Las week, Sun Michaels’ career came to an end. It took im ovah eight years ta win his furst Double Yah Double Ya Eye chumpunship. It tuk me six munts.” He then laments that the biggest moment of his career was taken away from him by Triple H. What is he talking about? Hunter didn’t interfere when he retired Jamie Noble.

Sheamus then admits that he hit Triple H with the lead pipe in the study. Also, Communism was just a red herring. Sheamus then says that Hunter cried when he said goodbye to Shawn and it was pathetic. We cried for a man that decided to leave because he didn’t wanna face Sheamus. Shawn Michaels would never take his ball and go home rather than work with someone. That’s not how he works. Never. Ever. Sheamus says that Hunter has one last great match in him, but rather than have that, he should wrestle Sheamus.

Here comes Hunter, who must have gotten lost during commercial break. Here he is and…sigh…Cole says “Game on.” He has two speeds; blatantly obvious and smarmy. He is the worst announcer/blender ever. So Triple H takes off his leather jacket and somehow has held enough water in his mouth to spit mist, because even when going into a war with weapons, you wanna hit your trademark spots. Hunter climbs on the apron but then climbs down. If only there was a sledgehammer under the ring. Oh wait, there is. Hunter then nails Sheamus with the sledgehammer and its aggravated assault here on Monday Night RAW. Hunter swings outside and hits a monitor as Sheamus runs for his life (and rightfully so). I love how Kofi has vanished from the ring like a villain in “Double Dragon.” “Isn’t that like a silly Irishman to bring a pipe to a sledgehammer fight.” Hating on the Irish? What is this? 1921?

Coming up next on the Pappy O’Flannigan’s Monday Night Olde Timey Wrestling Variety Hour, we have a Diva’s Red Carpet Dress to Impress Battle Royal.

Commercial.

We’re back and Maryse is on commentary in a fancy dress as it’s time for the Red Carpet Dress to Impress Battle Royal. Thankfully, since Christy Hemme isn’t in the WWE, we won’t risk Lawler making an ill timed red carpet joke. Kelly Kelly is out first in a sparkly blue dress. Alicia Fox is dressed like a combination of a tiger and a whore. Gail Kim is wearing the Summerslam logo. Rosa Mendes is wearing a nice little white skirt that’s highlighting her…gimmicks. Jillian Hall is out next and ew. Katie Lea is rocking a black dress and she’s deceptively hot. The Bella Twins are in red. Ece is wearing camouflage, making her look like a Latina Dudley. So the winner of this nonsense gets a shot at the Tramp Stamp Title.

Long story short, this turns into the line outside of Klinefeld. Kelly hits her flying head scissors on Alicia Fox as Maryse just keeps calling everything embarrassing. Jillian, Alicia and Eve are your final three. Fox gets dumped and we’re down to two. Even winds up on her shoulders and Fox pulls Eve down but it doesn’t work and she dumps Jillian Hall and is the Number One contender.

Commercial.

We’re back as we get to watch David Otunga’s highlight package. In case you didn’t know, he’s married to Jennifer Hudson. Oh, and he met Obama, thus confirming Vince’s old theory that all black people know each other. Why else would all black wrestlers in the WWE wind up as a tag team? Otunga says he hates haters, which isn’t ironic at all.

Otunga is in the back with an entourage of multicultural douchebags. Oh, and he has his green 427 M&Ms. Apparently those are A-List. Sure enough, this brings out Santino Marella who is looking for the A-Team. He then does a Mr. T impersonation. Then the fucking midget shows up and he’s sucking on M&Ms. Otunga orders his multicultural douchebags to catch the fucking midget.

The Biz has a lot of gold and they are walking through the back towards a…

Commercial.

The Biz is here and I guess they found a shortcut that Hunter didn’t know about. RAW tonight is brought to you by Pizza the Hut, who sends out for you. Miz takes a minute and a half to take off all of his gold and here comes John Cena. Hmm…I wonder if this will end badly for him. Cole calls Cena and Batista the WWE’s Sandra Bullock and Jesse James. Because they used to fuck but now one of them is cheating on the other with a tattooed freak? Does this make CM Punk the tattooed freak?

Batista is here and he looks agitated. Thankfully, he gets his spotlight and his copyright logo. How the hell hasn’t someone once come up with the gimmick to have his own spotlight?

John Cena looks all wary about Batista climbing onto the ring apron as the bell rings. Cena and Miz start out and Cena grabs a headlock. Cena then goes for an FU but he tags in Big Show. John throws some punches but Big Show no-sells that and throws his fists that are like (insert your own colorful Jim Ross analogy here). Show then chops Cena’s chest before begrudgingly tagging in Miz. Miz whips Cena into the corner before going for his leaping clothesline but John moves. Cena goes to tag in Batista and Dave bails. Cena goes after him and starts wailing on Batista. Dave kicks him in the gut and fleas to the back as the bell rings. Cena’s been counted out and The Biz wins. Had this been Vince Russo writing, Cena would have beaten them both to win the title.

Wait, here comes David Otunga. Otunga says that later tonight they are defending the titles again against John Cena and David Otunga. I had money on the fact that Otunga was going to face Cena for the title. Instead, he’s giving himself a tag title shot. Kinda like being able to pick your wife and passing over Megan Fox for the mom from That 70’s Show.

Commercial.

We’re back and Teddy DiBiase is rocking the Million Dollar Belt. Teddy talks about his dad being inducted into the Hall of Fame. It apparently changed his dad because Ted did something he never did before, act like a father. Teddy now is playing the petulant youth as he rants about Ted missing all of his youth. Teddy says that his father knows how to win him over through his bank account. Apparently Teddy now has a trust fund and the Million Dollar Belt. Teddy says it truly is good being the fortunate son. You know, like that song. “Uptown Girl.”

Here comes Christian, who really could use a nice heel turn to freshen him up. Either that or a chance to team up with Edge for nostalgia sake. Hell, I’d settle for a five second pose.

Christian goes after Teddy, including the whole standing on his back. Cole mentions that the Million Dollar Belt was held by Ted DiBiase, Virgil and The Ringmaster. Well, two out of three ain’t bad. Christian climbs back into the ring but eats a neckbreaker. Teddy unloads with punches and kick before slowing the pace with punches and kicks. Teddy then hits Christian with an elbow before going for a pin. He then locks in a resthold.

Christian comes back with some offense of his own, including the whole foot-launch to the face. Christian climbs to the top rope and hits a crossbody for two. He then starts clapping to call upon the Unprettier Spirits but Teddy blocks it. Christian then rolls up Teddy for two. He comes off the second rope with the Tornado DDT but Teddy blocks it and hits DreamStreet for the pin. So does this means that Christian and Kofi Kingston are now glorified jobbers?

Commercial.

Please don’t try this at home.

Close the window because April 26th is there’s gonna be a Draft.

We relive Shawn saying his goodbye before we relive Hunter trying to kill Sheamus.

Commercial.

We’re back with Kurt Swangle in his Apollo Creed robe. That thing is awesome. It’s like early Randy Savage but with a hood. His opponent, by the way, hears voices in his head, but due to strict employment laws, he can’t be fired. In fact, combined with his explosive temper disorder nonsense, he’s a success story that the hadicapable can embrace.

There’s the bell and Swangle goes right at Orton. The fans chant for Randy as Swangle whips him from corner to corner. He charges after Randy but misses and finds himself on the receiving end of the Garvin Stomp. Orton them hammers away on him in the corner but Jack charges out and takes Randy down. He then launches Orton out of the ring and into a…

Commercial.

We’re back and Orton throws Swangle into the ring. Swangle drops him across the top rope before launching him into the barricade. Swangle then tosses Orton into the steel steps before flinging him into the ring. Swangle then connects with a belly-to-back suplex. By the way, if you live in Austria, you can see WWE action live this week. Also, next week’s RAW will be live from London, so look for the wrestlers to enter from the wrong side of the ramp.

Randy now launches Swangle to the outside and as he tries to get back in, Randy sets him up for the second rope DDT. He drops Swangle and gets a two count. Orton then connects with a chilling scoop slam according to Cole. He then hits his backbreaker before he starts wailing on the mat like it owes him money or blew a spot. He goes for the RKO but Swangle blocks it with a boot for two. Swangle then hits the running Vader Bomb for two. Swangle then goes for the Vader Bomb again and connects. Swangle then goes for the Gut-Wrench Powerbomb but Randy counters it into the RKO and that’ll do it. Swangle flees with his gold as we fade to…

Commercial.

For the record, no problem with him losing to Randy Orton since Orton is still a “higher” wrestler than he is.

Next week’s RAW is hosted by David Hasselhoff. Yep.

The Biz is out again for their second match tonight. David Otunga is out first and hopefully…hopefully…he shows some sort of promise to warrant being in the main event here. Otunga is going to be on “Access Hollywood” tomorrow. Convenient timing. Now, for the third time tonight, the champion is present.

Cena says he’ll start the match as we get to relive the match an hour ago as Cena locks up with The Miz. Cena then tags in Otunga, who manages an armbar. He locks in a headlock before Miz sends him into the ropes. Otunga hits two shoulder tackles and then a third. Cole says that he likes him, which almost makes my brain cave in. Otunga then tags in John Cena. Cena hits the running bulldog for two. Cena charges Miz in the corner but eats an elbow. Big Show nails Cena in the back of the head and Miz pounces on him with punches. Cole continues to talk about how Big Show is mentoring Miz, because they couldn’t find the normal plot sledgehammer to drive that point home.

Big Show gets tagged in and he wails away on Cena. John comes back with punches and he goes for a shoulderblock but gets swatted away. Show tags in Miz who finally hits his cocky corner clothesline. Otunga stands on the corner shouting with passion, which proves my point that he’d make a good manager. Miz has a chinlock synched in as the fans chant for Cena. Cole, meanwhile, is talking about Otunga’s barber. You read that right.

Cena powers out of Miz-terlock and they hit a double clothesline. If Otunga bails on Cena here like Sid did to Hogan, he would get some massive heel heat. Cena slowly crawls for the tag and sure enough he pulls the hand away. Telegraphed? Sure. But it was effective. Big Show hits Cena, but the camera misses it so I feel like I’m watching this on radio. Show pins Cena and it’s all over. Batista is now out and he hits the Batista Bomb. Mah gawd King, mah gawd. As I live and breathe, John Cena is broken in half.

Batista calls for a spotlight. David Otunga has the microphone and he introduces Batista. Dave says that he’s invoking his rematch clause at Extreme Rules. It’s a last man standing match. Get ready for a lot of long nine counts live on PPV. I do like the fact that they are taking away Cena’s ability to make Batista tap. Wow, they actually made him look smart. Batista right now is the last man standing in the ring. Foreshadowing? Nah, probably not.

This has been for your consideration.