-As this is supposed to be the last episode before SyFy takes back their Tuesday nights for science and/or fiction related purposes, the fate of NXT is unknown to me. I’ve heard rumor that the show is going to end up being shown exclusively on YouTube, as WWE has been unable to find another home for the show. Can’t say I’m shocked. I know that a lot of people have been loving the new season of NXT for the commentary alone, but call me crazy: I don’t think it’s a positive step for the company when they’re burying their own show and essentially calling it garbage. Don’t get me wrong; I’ll chuckle tonight along with the rest of you at the snide comments, but it’s not going to make the product any better unless they actually act on the acknowledgements of the show’s problems.
-The show starts with a recap of the game of musical chairs, as well as their dreadful promos from last week. The sad part is that Naomi’s bit about “Aren’t we here to wrestle?” is followed by a harsh buzz. I’m not going to go over it all, except to say that the whole ordeal is painful for everyone involved. In the recap? Nothing from any of the matches. Dynamite.
-No CM Punk tonight, kids, and Matthews is just as upset about it as you are. The girls are introduced, and AJ is wearing her “I <3 Nerds" shirt, but the wife still hates her guts.
-For our viewing pleasure tonight, the girls will play the "Wheelbarrow Challenge," where they wheel the aforementioned barrow around the ring. However, Striker thinks that something needs to be put in the wheelbarrow to make it heavier, and my wife IMMEDIATELY thinks that Vickie Guerrero is going to end up in that thing. But no…Hornswoggle comes out, and the crowd goes nuts. Americans loooove midgets. He puts on a little green helmet (but ignores the chinstrap, reckless little imp) and hops in the wheelbarrow. If he falls out, the pusher is disqualified.
-My wife: "Okay, this is pretty adorable, but I think Vickie Guerrero would have been funnier."
-Maxine is up first, and she pushes the thing around the ring, and shoves it over the finish line at 14.7 seconds, sending Hornswoggle ass over teakettle on to the floor. The audience, and my wife, is NOT happy about that, and Hornswoggle holds up his arms as if to say, "Hey, what the hell?!" She brushes him off and Hornswoggle, conscientious as always to the needs of a woman, bites her in the ass to the glee of the live crowd. My wife just yells that she deserved it for being a jerk. The lady's a heel. Maxine, not my wife, although the latter has her moments. Cole belittles Striker's teaching career for fun when he says to Hornswoggle, "Bad! Bad! Bad!" Cole: "Is that how Striker talked to his students as a teacher? That's what this show is: bad, bad, bad!" Naomi is up next, but fails. Jamie is next, and gets 14.4 seconds, putting her in the lead. Cole: "This show is a cure for insomnia." Kaitlyn is up next, and tries to get into the wheelbarrow with Hornswoggle, which he is ALL for. Cole: "This is just bad television." My wife: "Which is why it's not going to BE on television, anymore." Touche'. Kaitlyn's tearing up the thing, and finishes in 12 seconds. Cole: "I'm trying to watch a wheelbarrow race!" Hornswoggle falls out, but he realizes that it was a mistake, and they hug afterwards. AJ is next to a smattering of cheers and boos. She doesn't beat the time, and Hornswoggle gives her a hug…and won't let go. Aksana is next, but falls just a little short with a time of 13.9, meaning that Kaitlyn wins. Cole totally oversells it like she won the world title. Hornswoggle lifts her up on his shoulders, which is kind of impressive if you don't think about it too much. She gets a little hug from Vickie, and we go to commercial.
-Something I've learned from watching this show: Matthews and, particularly, Cole, must HATE Matt Striker, as they just talk trash about him the entire show.
-WWE NXT: Where Midgets Ride Around in Wheelbarrows! Trademark THAT!
COMMERCIALS
-Michael Cole makes snarky comments about how he can’t wait for the day when NXT Season 3 is on WWE Classics on Demand. We get it, Cole: the show sucks.
Rookie Video Package: AJ
-She’s from Union City, NJ. She says that she represents the nerds, and that she was the girl who stayed home on Saturday nights playing video games, and was totally fine with that. She’s only ever wanted to be a wrestler, but was on the poorer side financially growing up. They show stock footage of her waiting in line for Wrestlemania tickets, and it’s crazy that they were able to pick that one teenage girl out of the lineup from all of those years ago. They had terrible seats, and her father apologized profusely for them, but she told him that it was alright, as she was going to be in that ring one day.
-Tonight: Diss the Diva! Oh sweet lord, this is going to be awful. Cole: “I bet that’ll be real good.”
COMMERCIALS
-Raw Rebound. Orton kicked Jericho’s pretty little head off. Vaya con dios, Jericho. I hope you’ll be back soon.
-ACK. LEGENDARY PROMO. LET IT DIE.
-That’s the whole segment between commercials. Seriously.
COMMERCIALS
-Oh, here we go. WWE NXT is moving to wwe.com next week. So there you go.
Rookie Video Package: Kaitlyn
-She was a tomboy growing up, but then got into fitness competitions, and she was JACKED. She looks up to Beth Phoenix, which is a major plus to me. She wants girls to be able to look at her and see that they can be themselves, can be sexy, and athletic, and kind of goofy. She wants her personality to shine through, and isn’t afraid to push the envelope and act like a bit of a ham. Her biggest advantage over the other girls? She can do the robot. The wife points out that she isn’t nearly as buff as she was from those fitness competitions. Kaitlyn admits that she has a lot to learn, but she wants it bad, and hopefully that will take her through. Screw it, I like her.
-And more commercials? Man, there is NOTHING on this show tonight, is there?
COMMERCIALS
-My wife: “Do you have to be so thorough?” Me: “I give it more than it deserves.” My wife: “Uh, yeah.”
-And now it’s time for a Smackdown Rewind. What exactly am I recapping here? Are they going to show the entire Kane/Undertaker brewhaha from this past Friday? Huh…they are. Instead of dedicating any more time to the show, or even, horror of horrors, letting some of the girls wrestle, they’re going to fill up the program with a hard sell for this Sunday, as they need to do SOMETHING to build up storylines with only two weeks between Pay-Per-Views. My wife: “Why can’t you recap Smackdown? This looks like such a better show. I can’t believe you’re gonna have to recap something that’s only on the website. Jesus Christ.” It should be noted that while my wife is an extraordinarily casual viewer, she’s a big Undertaker fan.
-Again, they push Diss the Diva, and it’s next. Matthews: “It’s finally here, Cole! Set your DVRs!” I hope none of the girls’ friends or family watch this show, as they get to listen to the announcers treat everything their loved ones do like insignificant tripe. Know why the show is so bad, WWE? Because you BOOK IT TO BE BAD.
COMMERCIALS
-Diss the Diva is what you think it is. My wife: “Know what I’ll say about this competition? Yeah, it’s going to be nasty, but this is something you actually have to do.” Aksana’s promo can be summed up as she’s fit, they’re lazy and eat pancakes. However, she has a cute little tagline: “All the divas wanna be just like Aksana.” AJ refuses to put the other girls down, and says that she deserves to belong here, and the other girls are kind of typical. Divas don’t have to wear high heels and wear lipstick, and can play video games and read comic books. Basically, she says that she’s different, and we should redefine what a Diva is. Cole rails about something, but I kind of miss it. Kaitlyn is next. She first does an impression, basically mocking Naomi’s big ol’ booty. Naomi calmly kicks Kaitlyn right in her ass and sends her to the ground. Kaitlyn says that it was uncalled for, but leaves it at that, saying that she’s still going to win. That was dumb. I expected more from Kaitlyn, who actually seems to have a real personality as opposed to a gimmick. Jamie is next, and says that Aksana dresses like she’s in the circus, and that AJ acts like a 10-year old. And she’s gonna win. Great. Striker tries to reiterate that the girls should take advantage of the time and convince the audience. Naomi doesn’t wanna diss, but she points out that when it comes to wrestling, she’s got everyone else beat hands-down, and everybody knows it. She then calls out Kaitlyn for making fun of her on the NXT confessional online, and rips her a new one about how the only reason Kaitlyn won the obstacle course was because she (Naomi) had messed up, not because she (Kaitlyn) was the best; in fact, if she’d gone any slower, she’d have lost to Vickie Guerrerro. So, the next time she has something to say, say it to her face. Kaitlyn’s response? Big butt impression. Classy. Maxine is sick and tired of the typical Diva, as they’re all the same, overly perky and nice. Obviously she hasn’t paid attention to any of the heel Divas. She says that no one cares about nice girls, while AJ and Kaitlyn dance in the background, totally distracting everyone. Jamie seems legitimately pissed, stopping them and making them pay attention, as opposed to acting like idiotic schoolchildren. The crowd judges, and AJ handily wins, as well she should have; her promo was easily the best.
-It’s Vickie Guerrero time, as she “excuses” herself into the mix. Cole is ecstatic, naturally. She rips on Kaitlyn, saying that she’s been given nothing to work with. Kaitlyn comes back, syaing that no matter how hard she tries, it’s never good enough. So…she challenges Vickie to a match. Really? Kaitlyn says that Vickie has created a monster, and Vickie says that she accepts, but she’s not going to wait until next week. HARD slap by Vickie! Cole squeals with joy. Kaitlyn tackles her, and they catfight around the ring for awhile before Stryker pulls them apart. Replay shows that Vickie just blasted her with that one. Vickie storms out, and…that’s the show.
Final Thoughts
-What is there to say? No wrestling. A promo competition, a wheelbarrow race, and a whole bunch of promotion for and from other shows. Obviously, no one cares about this show, least of all the people working on it. Frankly, the only people who truly, honestly care about the show are the girls themselves, and I feel terrible for them that they’ve chosen to work in an industry that sees them as so insignificant. Sure, a few of them are just former models who found themselves in the wrestling business, but when you have girls like AJ and Naomi who want to be wrestlers, you, or at least I, can’t help but feel for them.
-I’ve no idea if I’ll be back doing this next week, checking the show that they so halfheartedly mentioned would be only on wwe.com next week. Man, when all seven viewers tune in next Tuesday on SyFy, their hearts are just gonna break.
