We’re webbed up on another edition of WWE NXT, friends (Get it? Because it’s on the web. Wakka wakka). I’m your devious and damn good looking recapper, Jonah Kue. So, let’s cut the ego-trip short and jump right into the episode, shall we?
So, we’ve officially christened this season â€œNXT Redemptionâ€. Stryker and Maryse welcome us to the show and introduce our Rookie/Pro combos:
Jacob Novak with JTG
Conor O’Brian with Vladimir Kozlov
Darren Young with Chavo Guerrero
Byron Saxton with Yoshi Tatsu
Lucky Cannon with Tyson Kidd
Titus O’Neil with….sigh….Hornswoggle
I’m a bit amiss at how the cast of â€œSuperstarsâ€ havebasically transitioned into the Pros for this season.
So, we get a â€œtalk the talkâ€ challenge, where the rookies, you guessed it, talk. Novak raps. Because that worked for Cena recently, of course. Regal says he wants to punch him in the mouth. Regal has immediately become my favorite announcer. Darren Young brags about Chavo being his pro. Fantastic. Good luck jobbing to Hornswoggle. Or Beth Phoenix, if you’re lucky. Conor O’Brian talks. Byron Saxton compares Lucky Cannon to Lady Gaga. Because they have similar genitalia? Lucky Cannon basically does an impression of â€œTHE Brian Kendrickâ€. A bad one. Titus O’Neil imitates Hornswoggle. And wins. Have you seen my friend legitimacy? Because it’s definitely not on this particular segment of NXT.
We’re back to a video package of Titus O’Neil. Basically, he talks about having a good life. Keep in mind that Hornswoggle is his pro. So, the Wellness Policy is definitely not being administered to the highest degree.
Conor O’Brian vs. Darren Young
Lock up leads to Young whipped to the corner, but breaks out with a clothesline. He hits a few European uppercuts, but O’Brian adds a kick and throws Young shoulder-first to the corner. Young ends up on the outside as O’Brian follows. Token offense leads to O’Brian rolling Young inside the ring for a nearfall. O’Brian works the arm of Young on the corner. He gets another nearfall and applies an armlock right afterward. Young fights back and hits an atomic drop and a clothesline. He’s selling his arm injury well. Young lifts O’Brian up on his back via FU and hits an inverted gutbuster for the pin. Not bad. I’m impressed with Young.
Winner: Darren Young via pinfall
Wow. Apparently, there’s a movie called â€œThe Chaperoneâ€ starring Trips. I hope they market this well. And relentlessly. Because that would make me want to watch it. Now, excuse me while I bash my head into the wall a number of times concurrent to how many times I’ve seen this crappy trailer.
Raw recap. The Miz coming out as the Rock and beating the living shit out of Cena. There was a sense of satisfaction I felt after watching â€œInglourious Basterdsâ€ that the right thing had happened. That same feeling visited me again during this beatdown. It’s not simply the fact that I’m a huge Miz mark. It’s also the fact that Cena got his ass handed to him. Hooray fake fighting!
Backstage antics with Yoshi Tatsu hitting on Maryse. Lucky Cannon comes in, and there’s no way there’s a love triangle happening here. None. Do you really think Creative would be so obvious? Do you?
We’re back to a video package of Jacob Novak. He whined about Ziggler treating him horribly leading to his elimination. Sure. I mean, the lack of charisma and abysmally boring in-ring performances are just moot points.
Tyson Kidd/Lucky Cannon vs. Yoshi Tatsu/Byron Saxton
The Pros start off. Tatsu hists a few chops. Kidd attempts a sunset flip, which is reversed into a nearfall. The two reverse a few pin attempts, then get back on their feet. Kidd attacks Saxton, which allows Cannon to get involved. Cannon gets the tag and hits a few knees to the back of a sitting Tatsu. Cannon hits a sideslam for a nearfall, then follows immediately with a body scissors. Cannon gets a bit more token offense before getting him in another body scissors. Tatsu fights out and they collide with a double clothesline. Saxton and Kidd both get hot tags. Saxton gets the token face offense, then hits a modified facebuster for a nearfall. Kidd rolls onto the apron, and Saxton runs into a high kick to the face. Cannon gets a blind tag, and hits a …for the pin.
Winners: Tyson Kidd/Lucky Cannon via pinfall
Raw recap of Trish, Vicky, and some overly-tan, oiled up, freaky looking thing. No, not Orton. So, Snooki has a match on Wrestlemania….I….I can’t even think of any witty comment to put here. Fill in the blank, folks. Snooki. So, this is what Ziggler and Morrison are doing for Wrestlemania….Remember when these two were title contenders barely a month ago? Me neither.
We’re back to a challenge. It’s a Keg Carry Challenge for St. Patrick’s Day. You know, because of the association of alcohol with the Irish. Because all Irish people are drunks. We here at WWE are filled with the most progressive of ideals. Abraham Washington. Ezekial Jackson. Other black people with presidential names. My tangent is done.
Honestly, this show is worth watching simply because of William Regal’s commentary. Titus O’Neil ends up winning the keg challenge and we’re done here, ladies and gents.
Join me tomorrow for another rambunctious edition of Kue’s Korner. Night, folks.
Tags: byron saxton, chavo guerrero, conor o'brian, Darren Young, jacob novak, JTG, lucky cannon, Maryse, titus o'neil, Tyson Kidd, wwe nxt, yoshi tatsu