The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 02.12.96

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The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 02.12.96

Live from Tampa, FL, although this was a TNA-style free show giveaway where George Steinbrenner basically rented the Nitro show and gave away 6000 tickets to people at the state fair.

Your hosts are Eric Bischoff, Bobby Heenan & Mongo

So Superbrawl VI was the night before this show, with Ric Flair regaining the World title from Randy Savage, Elizabeth turning heel, and Hogan winning a shitty cage match over the Giant.  Oh, and weird shit went down between Brian Pillman and Kevin Sullivan.

Randy Savage v. Hugh Morrus

Savage is so serious here that he no-sells his own pyro, eschewing his usual wardrobe in favor of a simple t-shirt.  So you know he means business.  Morrus attacks and Savage gets busy selling before coming back with a choke.  Morrus, the man training the last couple of generations of WWE Superstars, keeps firing away with his array of punches and choking, and a suplex gets two.  Savage elbows him down, but Morrus goes up, misses the moonsault, and the flying elbow puts us out of our misery at 4:44.  Shitty, shitty match.  ½*

Loch Ness v. Scotty Riggs

Poor Scotty.  Loch Ness, one of the most historically terrible wrestlers ever, gives him a shitty splash that nearly breaks the poor guy’s ribs, and a pair of elbows finishes at 1:00.  Ones guess who wanted this slug brought in.

Ric Flair gets wheeled out by Liz and Woman on a gurney, after a wild night of partying.  Flair is just amazing here, and Elizabeth actually gets promo time, and her character is the EVIL EX-WIFE who wants revenge on Savage.  See, that’s called a MOTIVATION.  Just in case any WWE writers are reading this.

Devon Storm v. Konnan

Storm is of course the future Crowbar, which is one of the weird reinventions on record.  Konnan’s pre-match graphic makes him look like Rico Suave or something.  Storm quickly grabs a chair and uses it for a dive, but tries a rana off the stairs and gets gently powerbombed onto the floor.  Not that I’d want someone to get splatted onto the concrete, but why set up a stupidly dangerous spot like that and then do such a wussy payoff?  Back in, Konnan gets his own rana before doing lucha libre spots that are totally unlike the worker he soon became.  A one-handed slam gets two and Konnan wraps him up with a leglock as they note how impressive Konnan’s victory over the Gang was.  Did that match even happen?  I think it was just a made up title change, actually.  Storm randomly comes back with a springboard elbow while Bischoff is forced to backtrack on his accusations of the WWF causing a blackout last week.  That had to KILL him, I bet. Storm with another sloppy dive, but they go up and Konnan powerbombs him off for the pin at 5:30.  Total style clash, like this was DEATH watching it today.  *  Konnan was just insufferable at this point, as the politics involved were so transparent and everyone knew it.  On the other hand, it gave us the luchadors, so I guess the tradeoff was worth it.

Hulk Hogan v. Arn Anderson

Hulk slugs away in the corner and puts Arn down with clotheslines, and they brawl outside so that Hulk can beat him up some more.  Back in, Hulk chokes him out with wrist tape while a disgusted Heenan goes on an epic rant against him.  Atomic drop into a backdrop suplex and Hulk keeps slugging away in the corner, but Arn comes back with an elbow out of the corner.  Arn stupidly goes up and Hulk slams him off, but Arn goes to the injured eye to take over.  This brings out Flair and EVIL LIZ, who might be at her hotness peak here.  Maybe nWo era was hotter, I’m not sure.  Arn with the spinebuster for two, but it’s Hulk Up time.  Big boot, but Hulk stops to showboat and puts Arn into a figure-four instead of finishing him.  Flair comes in and gets beat up by Hogan, but Woman throws powder in his face and Liz gives Arn her shoe, and the SIZE SEVEN OF DOOM finishes for Arn at 9:15.  So yes, AA is one of the few people to get a pinfall victory on Hulk Hogan.  Hulk immediately pops up and destroys the Horsemen just so you know it means nothing, totally no-selling the powder and injury.  This was basically Hulk squashing Arn like a bug before slipping on a banana peel.  *1/2

The Pulse

Not my favorite episode of the show.