The SmarK Rant for Chris Jericho’s Rock N Wrestling Rager at Sea!
Thankfully, I had a bunch of extra credits from All In left, so I was able to order the replay of this for free. One awesome thing about Fite.TV that WWE Network hasn’t yet grasped: Using a responsive webpage design that resizes the player automatically. That drives me NUTS when I’m trying to watch a show on the Network with a window open for Word.
Live from A BOAT. International waters! Let the monkey knife fights commence!
Your hosts are Colt Cabana and Jay Lethal, plus a rotating cast of color commentators.
For time reasons, we’re skipping the first round of the ROH Sea of Honor tournament, but that keeps the show at 2:30 total so fine by me. The winner of the tournament gets a shot at the ROH World champion at “a non-specific time to be determined at a later date.” So the stakes are HIGH out at sea!
Sea of Honor quarterfinals: Christopher Daniels v. Dalton Castle
Appropriate having Dalton open since Bohemian Rhapsody is ripping up the box office this weekend. But then it’s ripped away from me as Castle is replaced due to injury with “Smooth Sailin’” Ashley Remington instead. He looks suspiciously like Castle in a sailing outfit, as a result of getting hit in the head by Matt Taven and suffering a concussion. The crowd, however, insists “That’s Not Dalton!” despite Daniels’ misgivings about the situation. Daniels: “Wait…wait…wait…wait…so you’re NOT Dalton Castle?” Colt comes up with a whole backstory for Ashley Remington from his Chikara days, who as a reminder is 100% not Dalton Castle. Remington grabs a headlock after threatening to lose his cool, and they trade rollups for two before Ashley offers the FINGER GUNS. He’s smooth! Colt openly admits he doesn’t have much nautical material for this match. Ashley tries a pump splash and hits the knees on the way down, and Daniels goes to work with a knee to the gut and cracks jokes with the crowd, but that only gets two. Daniels with a chinlock, but Ashley fights out, so Daniels gets a springboard moonsault for two. They slug it out and Remington comes back with a clothesline and a running knee in the corner to set up a bulldog for two. He seems to having trouble with his identity and so Daniels comes back with the uranage, but Ashley cradles him for the pin at 7:13. It’s a huge upset as newcomer “Smooth Sailin’” Ashley Remington beats former World champion Christopher Daniels in his ROH debut! And as is traditional for Ashley Remington, he awards Daniels a fruit basket for a match well worked. Well that’s nice. A fun and wacky opener. **1/2
Sea of Honor quarterfinals: Flip Gordon v. Marty Scurll
I feel like Scurll’s entrance is a bit less intimidating when he’s on a cruise ship. Scurll offers a hug instead of the usual handshake to start, but then TURNS on Gordon with a Rock Bottom for two. Shocking. Running uppercut gets two. Flip ducks a clothesline and flips into a Pele, and a moonsault gets two. Flip and Marty trade chops in the corner and Flip tries a rana, but Marty blocks him and does a Gran Naniwa crabwalk before flipping off the crowd and heading up for a superplex attempt instead. Flip fights him off, twice, but kind of knocks himself silly with a headbutt, so Scurll gets the superplex on the third attempt and that gets two. Marty goes to work on the arms with SMALL JOINT MANIPULATION and stomps the fingers while yelling at small children and old ladies at ringside. Marty with a tilt a whirl backbreaker, but Flip fights back with more flips and a standing moonsault and sling blade for two. To the top with the 450 for two. They slug it out and trade elbows, but the Villain gets a backslide into a superkick and clothesline, but Flip rolls him up for two. Marty kicks him in the head again to put him down, but Flip gets all fired up and Marty chops the crap out of him. Flip fires up again and runs into an elbow and that gets two for Marty, but Flip hits him with a Michinoku driver for two. 450 misses and Marty rolls him up for two and powerbombs him for two, but Flip flips him over into a jackknife cradle for the pin at 11:20. The crowd wants another hug, but Marty decides to walk out on him instead. Hell of a match here. ***1/2
Sea of Honor quarterfinals: Jay Briscoe v. Cheeseburger
The announcers aren’t liking Cheeseburger’s chances here. Jay offers him the chance to bow out gracefully because no one wants to see Cheeseburger die on the boat, even though it’s international waters and all. Cheeseburger decides to give it a go and slugs away on Jay, but quickly runs into a knee and Briscoe proceeds to slaughtering him. Cheeseburger fights back and gets walloped again, and Briscoe follows with a snap suplex and Cheeseburger takes a count in the corner, but gets up. Jay misses a charge, but elbows Cheeseburger down again and kills him a death valley driver for two. Jay goes with a rear chinlock, but Cheeseburger bites the hand to get him off and comes back with a springboard into a forearm and the Liger palm strike for two. Dream on, Cheeseburger. Cheeseburger goes up and lands on a superkick, and the neckbreaker gets two for Briscoe. Jay Driller finishes cooking the burger at 6:36. As noted by the announcers, Jay Briscoe headbutts cows on the farm for fun. Cheeseburger had no chance here. **
Sea of Honor quarterfinals: Mark Briscoe v. Hangman Adam Page
Mark asks for a chop from Page to start and it’s a pretty weak shot. The crowd even tells him so. So Mark shows him how it’s done, but Page doesn’t let on. Page continues throwing the terrible chops, like if my 8 year old daughter was throwing them terrible, and they trade slams to move past this embarrassing phase of Page’s career. Mark with a suplex and Page pops up and does his own, and the crowd still isn’t happy with it. Mark gets another suplex, then offer him another one and Page does a delayed suplex this time and that’s a bit better for the crowd. More chops and even the announcers are laughing at his weak chop game, but Mark goes up and lands on Page’s boot. The crowd continues giving Page shit over his offense, even as Briscoe sells in the corner. Page with a fireman’s carry facebuster and he follows with a pumphandle fallaway slam for two. Crowd notes “That was strong”. Briscoe with a jawbreaker, and he destroys Page with a lariat out of the corner for two. Briscoe with a superplex for two as a bird does a run-in from the ocean and divebombs the crowd, and the guys go to a chinlock while the announcers are losing their mind laughing at the whole situation. Page and Briscoe trade forearms and Page gets a german suplex for two off that, but Mark gets a fisherman’s buster while Jay Lethal is more concerned with how that bird managed to make it all the way across the ocean! Page comes back with a discus lariat and a powerbomb for two, then catches him with a rolling death valley bomb and goes up for the froggy elbow, but it misses. Page tries his finish, but Briscoe elbows out and rolls him up for the pin at 10:29 to earn a semi-final match with his brother. The interference from the bird caused them to lose their groove a bit, but they moved past it and had a good, hard-hitting match. Well aside from Page hitting like a dead fish. ***
Sea of Honor semi-finals: Dalton Castle v. Flip Gordon
Castle is back in his normal guise, although without the Boys tonight. Dalton announces that he’s suffering from a severe sunburn and asks that no part of his body be touched in this match. So Flip immediately hits him right in the epidermis like a scoundrel. The crowd chants “Aloe vera” to be helpful. Castle dodges away from a Flip kick, and Flip chops him on the chest, as Castle heads outside and dumps water on his brutally sunburned skin. Back in, more chops from Flip and a backrake and that’s TOO MUCH even for this crowd. The man is SUNBURNED. It’s just basic human decency! Castle bails and Flip hits him with a dive and comes back with a springboard frog splash for two. Standing moonsault gets two. Flip keeps chopping, but Castle catches him with a lariat and stops to ice his chest. Because of the SUNBURN. They fight over a backslide and Castle gets a DDT for two and then herks him into a powerbomb, but a blind charge misses and Flip comes back with a missile dropkick. Flip with a spear for two and he goes up, but Dalton knees him back to the mat (“That was smooth!” declares the crowd), only to have Flip get an ugly cradle out of the corner for the pin at 9:16. The sunburn gimmick was a funny idea but there wasn’t much to the match. **1/4
Sea of Honor semi-finals: Jay Briscoe v. Mark Briscoe
They immediately slug it out and Mark gets the uranage and flies to the top and drops the froggy elbow for two. Jay bails to escape and Mark follows with a baseball slide and tosses chairs into the ring, but Jay tosses it at his head to take over. They fight to the floor again and beat on each other into the aisle, including Jay using a can of beer from a fan. Back in, Jay slugs away in the corner and gets a seated dropkick for two, but he stops to put a chair in the corner and Mark whips him into it and nearly breaks it. Then he sets up the chair, puts Jay on it, and dives off the top with a bodypress for two. Mark stomps him down in the corner with the redneck kung fu, but Jay fires back with the mighty boots and they just trade boots to the face and it’s crazy. Jay snaps off a rana and follows with the neckbreaker for two. Jay goes for the Driller, but Mark powers him to the corner and slams him off the top for two. Mark with a suplex to set up the froggy elbow, but it misses, so he keeps coming with a fisherman’s buster for two. Crowd chants “Let’s go Briscoe / Briscoe sucks” which is pretty witty, but Jay hits Mark with the remains of the broken chair and hits the Jay Driller to finish at 10:47. Crazy and violent fun. ***3/4
Sea of Honor tournament finals: Jay Briscoe v. Flip Gordon
Jay lays him out during the pants-ripping entrance and beats on him outside. Why would you turn your back on Jay Briscoe? Jay chokes him out, but Flip kicks him on the way back into the ring and goes up with a 450, but it misses and Jay cradles him for two. Jay chokes him out with his shirt and beats him down in the corner, then puts him down with a big boot and pounds him with forearms. Flip fires up and gets a springboard dropkick, but he misses a handspring in the corner and Jay hits him with a backdrop suplex to take over again. Dropkick and he goes to the chinlock, but Flip comes back with a springboard bodypress. They slug it out and that goes badly for Flip, but he uses the power of FLIPS to fight back with a spear for two. They head up and Flip blocks a superplex and dropkicks Jay into the turnbuckles, but Jay shrugs him off and drops him with a brainbuster. Flip fights back with a superkick and falcon arrow for two, but walks into a lariat and the Jay Driller gets two. Even the crowd thinks that kickout was bullshit. Crowd wants one more, but Flip fights out of it and hits a TKO for the pin and the tournament at 10:50. The crowd was actually pretty pissed about that finish because Jay clearly had him beaten and he was awesome. ***1/4
The Alpha Club (Chris Jericho & The Young Bucks) v. The Bullet Club (Kenny Omega & Cody Rhodes & Marty Scurll)
Jericho has amazing matching Young Bucks gear and he’s even growing his hair out again! Hopefully I don’t get them mixed up. Crowd chants “Vince can’t touch this” before the match even starts so you know it’ll be good. Cody gets the sliding punch on Nick and flips off the Alpha Club, but Matt comes in and works the arm and they triple-team on that. Over to Scurll and he walks into more double-teams and a bulldog from Jericho. The Alphas clear the ring and follow with triple dives to the floor and the crowd is going nuts. Back in, Kenny Omega wants Jericho, but immediately backs off and brings Cody back in. So Jericho fires away with chops and a missile dropkick for two, but Nick comes in and gets hit in the back to put the Bullet Club in control. Scurll superkicks him off the apron and goes to work on the hand. Cody comes in with a delayed suplex and steals the headband, and Omega gets a backbreaker for two. The heels double-team him and Scurll gets two. Cody works the headlock while yelling for boots in the corner, but Nick reverses out, only to have his tag cut off. Cody puts him back in the corner and sets up for a Shattered Dreams, but decides to flip off the crowd instead and Nick fights out with a missile dropkick. He comes back with the bulldog into the clothesline and makes the hot tag to Jericho, who cleans house and this Scurll with a double axehandle into the Lionsault for two. Scurll tries the chickenwing, but Jericho reverses into the Walls and everyone is in and brawling. The Bucks get their stereo Sharpshooters (The “Cease and Desist”) but the Bullets all escape and Scurll puts Jericho down with a forearm. Matt comes in and runs wild while Cody and Kenny yell at each other to try and organize a double-team. Kenny hits a Regal Roll into a moonsault, but Nick comes off the top with a double-stomp and the Bucks hit a double moonsault on Cody for two. Cody tries Crossroads, but Matt fights him off. Over to Kenny and Nick, and Omega hits a bulldog, followed by all the heels hitting clotheslines on Nick in the corner. Kenny with the Ushigoroshi on Nick into a Scurll superkick for two, but Jericho saves. Kenny with the dragon suplexes on the Bucks, but Jericho cuts off the V-Trigger and we finally get the showdown. They slug it out and Omega puts him on the floor with a rana to set up the Terminator Dive, but the Bucks cut him off with the Superkick Party, and a TRIPLE SUPERKICK gets two for Jericho. Next up, the Bucks with a Meltzer Driver into the Walls of Jericho, but Scurll saves and takes the Codebreaker in the process. Bucks with a double superkick on Cody to get rid of him, but Kenny hits the Bucks with a double rana, only to walk into the Walls of Jericho again. Kenny powers up, but Nick springboards in with a facecrusher to put him out again, only to have Scurll lay out Jericho with the umbrella behind the ref’s back. Omega gets two from that. Back to the Bucks, but Cody breaks up the Meltzer and Kenny tries the One Winged Angel on Matt before the back gives way. They trade V-Trigger and superkick and Omega wins that battle, and another Angel finishes at 23:21. Man, Jericho is such a pro that his team does the job on the cruise and PPV named after him! Absolutely fantastic main event, of course. ****1/2
This was a really fun show, and you can’t say that a friggin’ sea cruise isn’t a unique venue to hold a pro wrestling show. Nothing bad, lots of good, and this is well worth your $25 or whatever the cost was. And don’t forget, Use my code “wwkgzk1” to get $15 credit to watch stuff like this on the FITE app if you haven’t signed up already.
